161 Things I Am Not Allowed To Do On A Journey
by 101olive4u
Summary: While visiting the town of Bree, Thorin sets a long list of rules for his nephews on what they are not allowed to do. Fili and Kili, being Fili and Kili, make it their job to break all those rules. Of course. WARNING: Futuristic girls, unicorns, Rhosgobel Rabbits, cronuts, and many failed attempts at getting out of trouble are included. Beware!
1. 1-8

**Hello everyone! I decided that I would start a story of things Fili and Kili are not supposed to do, but of course break those rules. Told in snippets. I hope you enjoy, and I'm sorry if it is too much nonsense for you.**

**Thanks!  
**

* * *

_1\. No matter how necessary it seems, I am not allowed to steal Thorin's sword to impress the ladies of Bree._

Kili grinned. He was a genius. Nothing impresses the ladies more than a nice handsome sword. And Thorin wouldn't notice, he was to busy trading and such. All of that responsible stuff.

Stealing a glance back at his uncle who was engrossed in a conversation with another dwarf, Kili clutched the sword and ran for his life. He sprinted, dodging stalls selling wood, food, vegetables, weapons.

Finally making it far enough away from his uncle, Kili scanned the cobblestone marketplace for what he was looking for.

_Bingo_. He found what he was looking for next to the fruit stand, giggling and clutching one another's arms.

Sauntering over, Kili let the sword swing by his side noticeably.

The dwarf maidens looked up as he approached, eyeing him with interest. He plastered his most charming smile on his face, and to his delight they blushed madly.

Before he could reach his destination, though, a strong hand grasped his shoulder and dragged him the opposite direction.

Kili tried to object, but when he looked up, it was a very angry uncle Thorin. VERY angry. So he shut his mouth obediently.

Thorin passed Fili as he dragged Kili back to the trading post. Fili cocked an eyebrow and smirked at his brother who scowled in reply.

* * *

_2\. In reference to rule #1, I cannot steal Gandalf's staff and threaten random people. No matter how fun and amusing it is._

"Don't get on my bad side," Fili warned the young man.

"Oh? And what would you do about it?" The man glared down at Fili, smirking at the height difference.

"We're much more powerful than we seem," Kili added importantly.

Grinning at each other, the two brothers made a show of brandishing a long wooden staff.

"A stick?" The man snorted, "a stick?"

"Oh this is not just a stick, my good sir. This happens to be Gandalf's stick!" Kili said proudly, twirling it impressively.

Fili rolled his eyes and snatched the staff away from his brother. "It is Gandalf's staff," he said, pointing it at the skeptical man.

Five minutes later, Fili and Kili found themselves getting the worst talk of their life by Gandalf, having turned the man into a frog.

"But Gand-alfffff…" Kili droaned. "You should've seen his face! And I'm pretty sure we just invented a new spell!" He exclaimed happily.

Sadly he was met with blank stares. "No?"

* * *

_3\. I will not spy on random people, looking for any criminals. No matter how suspicious they look._

"How about that one, Fee?" Kili hissed to his brother. The two dwarves were huddled behind a fruit vendor's stall, watching.

"No…." Fili started. "Too…Jolly looking."

"Well…how about THAT one?"

"Do you really think a fugitive would be a little girl?"

"Little children can be quite wicked and sly…"

"Oh, you'd be one to know."

"Hey! I would not be- Ooh! That one!"

"Now THERE'S a good one!"

"Let's roll!"

Slinking from behind the fruit stand, Fili and Kili stared at the tall dark haired man passing by. Grinning like idiots, the two followed.

* * *

_4\. In reference to rule #3, I am not allowed to then interrogate that suspicious person in a dark alley. No matter how dangerous they look._

"Who do you work for?" Kili howled, shaking the man like crazy.

"I-I am not involved in anything!" The man gasped, staring at the brothers like they were crazy. Which, they were.

"That's what they all say," Fili added mysteriously. "But we know better than to trust them."

"Who are you people?" The man cried.

"Just two concerned citizens visiting the fair city of Bree," Fili replied innocently.

"Orcs? Goblins? UNICORNS? Who do you work for?" Kili growled. Then turning to his brother he whispered loudly: "I think he's with the unicorns." Fili nodded seriously.

"Now tell us-what are your troops' plans?"

"I don't know what your talking about!" The man shrieked.

"Oh don't play mind tricks with us! Gandalf has told us many things about the unicorns! And they always baffle the mind before they kill!"

"I don't even know what a unicorn is!" The man howled glaring at Fili.

"Oh save it for Gandalf!"

* * *

_5\. I am not allowed to follow Thorin while shouting: _"Make way for the king of Erebor or he'll feed you to his pet dragon Smaug!"_ Or anything near to that. No matter how necessary and realistic it seems._

"Make way for the king of Erebor!" Fili shouted over the crowd, stepping in front of his uncle and swinging his arms madly in attempt of clearing a path.

"Or he'll feed you to his pet dragon…Smaug!" Kili cried gleefully, placing a daisy chain atop the king's head. The two brothers grinned.

Their uncle was not amused.

"Fili, Kili," the king hissed. "Stop it! We are supposed to be blending into Bree. Not drawing attention to ourselves. If you shout that one more time, I will personally throw you back to the Blue Mountain myself!" And with that, Thorin swept ahead, growling to himself. The two brothers followed.

"Make way for the king of Erebor!"

"Or he'll catapult you all the way past the Blue Mountains and into his kingdom-"

"-Where his pet dragon will eat you!"

The king slapped his palm to his forehead.

* * *

_6\. I am not allowed to auction off other company members' belongings. No matter how much I need the money._

"Do you think anyone will notice anything missing?" Fili asked his brother worriedly.

"No way! We were much too careful! And with all the money we make, we can just buy them replacements." Kili scoffed.

A crowd had formed at Fili and Kili's stall. "Step on up, folks!" Kili called gleefully. "We have prized artifacts that you will want to get your hands on! What can we get for this lovely quill? Can I hear five silver pennies? Yup! Seven? Eleven? Fifteen? Sold!"

As the auctioning went on, Fili and Kili were too busy to notice that the very angry and annoyed company of Thorin Oakenshield impatiently glaring at them.

* * *

_7\. I am not allowed to give the members of the company nicknames. No matter how hard it is to say their real names._

"Hey there A-Dori-ble!" Kili cried, waving madly at Dori.

Dori frowned. "What? A-Dori-ble? What's that?"

"Why it's your new nickname!" Kili replied, grinning.

"We a-Dori you so much, we've taken the liberty to rename you! And it's so hard to say Dori!" Fili added with a matching grin. "Hi Dwaliboo!"

Dwalin choked on his ale and glared at him.

"How ya doin, Biffy? Hello, Bomby! What's happenin', Gloin Cloth? Orio, you've never looked better! Florin Flowershield, darling, how's it going?! Oin to the Gr-"

"Enough!" Thorin bellowed.

Fili and Kili only grinned innocently in reply.

* * *

_8\. I am not allowed to organize an 'Orc Drill'. No matter if it is for the welfare of the company._

"Aaaaah!" Fili screamed, charging through the main room of the inn they were staying in where the dwarves were grouped around in.

"Fili! What is it?" Thorin yelled, jumping to his feet with the rest of the dwarves.

"Orc pack!" Fili gasped breathlessly. "They've got Kili already!"

"What?" Gasped Thorin.

"I couldn't do anything! He's-he's gone!" Fili choked out.

Immediately all weapons were drawn. "Where are they?" Dwalin growled.

"They flew out the window on their unicorns!" Fili whimpered, falling to his knees. "They are right outside!"

Without a moment's hesitation, the dwarves charged out of the building. They roared their battle cries, but were met by blank stares of the citizens of Bree.

"Where are they?" Bombur hissed.

"Do orcs really ride unicorns?" Ori asked with wide eyes.

The company froze, frowned, and slowly turned back to the front door of the inn. Fili and Kili were exiting slowly, looking at a minute glass.

"No bad, I must say," Fili said, clearly impressed.

"Yes, only thirteen seconds to get outside! Very nice!" Kili added, then frowned. "Though I would've expected more emotions from everyone. I died. Come on, people!"

"Yes," Fili agreed. "Well, they will have another chance when we practice again tomorrow."

The two brothers were surprised when they were met by glares and rage.

* * *

**And there you have it, mates! I hope that you all like it! Remember, this story is not supposed to be realistic at all, but pure humor and nonsense. If you like it, I'll probably update by next week! If you don't like it, I'll probably update by next week! Thanks so much!**

**Kisses, Olive**

**P.S. Reviews+Favorites+Follows+Puppies= Happy Olive! Make 3/4s of that come true by reviewing, following, and favoriteing! (I know that's not a word, but oh well!) Make me happy! And if you want, you may send me a puppy, then I'll be floating on Cloud Nine! Hmmm...if I get a puppy, what would I name it?**

**Thanks!**


	2. 9-17

**Bonjour, mes cheris! I love you all so much, I have decided to post this chapter a couple of days early! Wow, you guys are amazing! I would thank all of the reviewers personally, but there's too many to name! THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU is all I can say! Here we go! **

**Thanks!**

**P.S. DO NOT READ THIS WHILE DRINKING COFFEE! _Mira Meliandra_ found out the hard way. Sorry, dear!**

* * *

_9\. I am not allowed to predict company members' future. No matter how clairvoyant I think I am._

"Stop!" Kili screamed at the company. They all froze and stopped what they were doing to stare at him. "Something is coming to me!"

"Yes…?" Balin asked impatiently. Kili shushed him and screwed his eyes closed, concentrating on whatever he claimed to have seen.

"You!" He screeched, dramatically pointing his finger at Ori. His eyes opened dangerously as he strutted over to the poor trembling Ori.

"I see what will become of you!" Kili cried, flailing his arms around. It was quite unfortunate that Dwalin happened to be right next to him. Kili didn't notice.

"Sssh! I see you as a merman! I see you living in a lake! You have given up being a dwarf to morph into a fishy being!" Kili hollered. "Traitor!" Ori stared at Kili like he had grown another head. He could use another head. Hmmm…

"And you!" He rounded on Bifur. "I see you as a fugitive! You are being held for treason on account of killing Thorin! Yes, you killed Thorin! But no one cared!" Kili cackled madly, darting around the room shouting predictions at the top of his lungs.

"-And I… will become very rich, slay Smaug single-handedly, have twelve wives, and take over Middle Earth!" He finished proudly.

* * *

_10\. I will not convince the innocent children of Bree that dear old Bombur eats children for breakfast. No matter if they should be warned. It could happen._

"Listen up, kiddles." Fili called out to the children that had formed a circle around him and Kili. "We are going to let you in on a very secretive piece of information."

The children looked up at him with big eyes. A little hobbit girl with big brown eyes and chocolate curls nodded. "What is it?" She squeaked.

"This may come as a surprise to you," Kili started.

"But dear old Bombur-" Fili added.

"Happens to-"

"Eat-"

"Little-"

"Children."

The kids jumped up, fear in their eyes as they glanced at Bombur who was at the front of the bar, talking with Bofur and Nori. He caught the kids looking and grinned, waving.

The kids screamed. "It's the child-eating-monster!" The little girl screamed as the children fled the pub, screaming all the way.

"Mission accomplished," Fili said approvingly.

* * *

_11\. I cannot steal Bofur's flute and attempt to compose a song. The hearing of the company would be at stake._

Fili grinned maliciously. Perfect. Bofur really shouldn't leave his flute lying around like so. Someone could "accidentally" steal it. _(Hint hint, Fili!)_

Walking by the table, Fili made sure no one was looking as he swiftly grabbed the wooden flute.

An hour later, Fili hollered for the company to gather around him. They flocked around the blonde dwarf suspiciously.

"I…." Fili started dramatically, "have composed a song!"

The company groaned, they knew this wouldn't be pretty.

Fili cued Kili who immediately started to toot on Bofur's flute as best he could. Which wasn't much. The company winced as Kili began a jaunty little melody. A very squeaky, high pitched, horrid melody.

"Hmmmm….." Fili got his pitch ready and broke into song.

_The company, of Thorin Oakenshield_

_Has just d-i-e-d_

_Except…_

_For Fili!_

_He couldn't do a thing about it_

_Not one thing…_

_So he watched them die…_

"Wait a minute," Dwalin growled. "What?"

"Shhh!" Fili shushed him dramatically. "Second verse!"

_Ori was eaten by a unicorn_

_Dwalin followed by death of crossing the rubicon_

_Bifur died from another ax_

_Bombur died from some angry orc packs_

_Dori died from poisoned tea_

_Gloin died by an angry bee_

_Oin died from smelling flowers_

_Thorin died from all his powers (And gave them to Fili)_

_Bofur died from inhaling a grape_

_Nori died by a flying crepe _**(Mmmm! Crepes…)**

_Balin died by getting old_

_Gandalf also died by getting old(er)_

_Kili died_

_Fili strived_

"Wait a minute…" Kili frowned. "I die?"

"Sssh!" Fili cried. "Now it's the bridge!"

_What was Fili to do?_

_He didn't have a clue_

_So he did what anyone would do…_

_He threw a huge party and drank ale!_

"Ta daa!" Fili cried, brandishing his arms wide. "It's still a working process, though. I'm still working on the chorus. But I think it will go something like this-"

Fili didn't finish his sentence before Ori tackled him screaming: "A UNICORN?"

* * *

_12\. I cannot follow Thorin showering him with daisies. No matter how grumpy he is and needs to lighten up._

Thorin was surprised to feel a soft thunk on his head. He brushed his head off and watched as a daisy fell to the ground. A daisy?

Scowling, the king stomped on the flower and continued his walk to the trading post.

Thorin was surprised when two more flowers hit his head. He shook himself off and madly looked around, scowling and looking for whoever dared shower him with flowers.

He only saw the busy crowd at the marketplace. Nothing suspicious.

Shrugging and thinking he was just imagining things, Thorin continued his walk.

He stopped a final time and yelped in surprise as a SHOWER of daisies rained down on him. At least fifty little flowers with cheery yellow centers.

Thorin was NOT cheery.

Grimacing and spitting at the horrid flowers, Thorin began to madly sneeze.

Behind a lady's skirt, Kili snickered.

* * *

_13\. I am not allowed to change my name to "Filius Yertle" and "Kilius Tertle". No matter how plain "Fili" and "Kili" sound._

"Fili, Kili, give us a hand!" Dwalin growled as he carried the barrel of ale over to the table.

Fili and Kili looked around like they had not heard Dwalin. Fili scratched his ear. Kili yawned openly.

"Fili? Kili?" Thorin growled. "Give Dwalin a hand."

Fili coughed. Kili sneezed.

Thorin, growling, got up from the other end of the table and grasped his nephews on their shoulders and shook them. They looked up, pleasantly surprised.

"Hello uncle!" Fili beamed as Kili waved madly, even though his uncle was standing but a few feet away from him. "Did you need us for something? Why are you shaking us?"

Thorin rolled his eyes. "You wouldn't answer to me or Dwalin."

Fili's eyes widened. "But uncle! We didn't hear our names being called! We only heard a 'Fili' and a 'Kili' be called!"

Dwalin, who had let his barrel sit on the table as he listened to the conversation, cocked an eyebrow. "Oh? Are you not Fili or Kili?"

He and Thorin grinned at each other but stopped when Kili shook his head.

"Oh no! Who told you we were called Fili and Kili?"

Thorin snorted. "Your mother?"

Fili grinned maliciously. "Then she was wrong! I am Filius Yertle-"

"And I am Kilius Tertle!" Kili cried, throwing his hands up into the air.

Thorin rolled his eyes again.

* * *

_14\. I am not allowed to shout "Praise Mahal!" After everything I say. No matter if he should be recognized._

"Ah what a lovely day!" Fili grinned. "Praise Mahal!"

"Mmmmmmm! I just had a delicious breakfast!" Kili said, smacking his lips. "Praise Mahal!"

"I have a sword! Praise Mahal!"

"I stole Bofur's hat! Praise Mahal!"

"Oh, look! There's Ori! Praise Mahal!"

"I'm alive! Praise Mahal!"

"Balin's sleeping! Praise Mahal!"

"Oooh! Here comes Thorin! Praise Mahal!"

"He looks angry! Praise Mahal!"

"He's chasing us! Praise Mahal-"

Kili didn't have time to finish his sentence before Thorin chased them all over the pub, them screaming "Praise Mahal!" the whole time.

* * *

_15\. I am not allowed to "politely search a pot for my identity." No matter if I do it politely. (It's not very polite.)_

"Aaauurghhhhhhh!" Kili screamed, but his cry was muffled… by the pot on his head.

"Hi Kili!" Fili grinned, walking up to his brother. He cocked his head. "Ummmm…nice pot?"

Kili smiled proudly from inside his pot. "Why thank you! I was just politely searching it!"

Fili raised his eyebrow. "Politely searching it?"

"Ummm…Yeah?"

"For what?"

"Er…My identity?"

"Your identity?"

"Yeah. I think I lost it, so I'm looking for it! I think I may have found it!"

"Kili…?"

"Hmmm?"

"Your head is stuck in the pot again, isn't it?"

_(Sigh_) "Yeah."

"Kili! That's the fourth time this week!"

* * *

_16\. I am not allowed to ride in a basket down the stairs. No matter how bored I am and how fun it seems._

"Ready?" Fili asked, sitting a ways back in the basket, balancing the weight out.

"You betcha!" Kili cried, grasping the edges of the basket and leaning forward.

"Go!" Fili screamed, pushing off the step with his hands as he and Kili went flying down the stairs in their basket.

"WAHOO! I'M FLYING!"

"UNCLE THORIN! WE'RE FLYING! Uh oh…"

"Uncle Thorin! Get out of the way! Out of the way!"

"Duck! Duck uncle Thor-"

Fili didn't have time before he, Kili, and the basket all crashed into Thorin, sending him flying and the basket skidding out the door, past the spluttering Thorin.

"Sorry, uncle!" Fili cried as he and Kili flew past him, cackling madly. After they flew out the door, the chaos on the streets had just begun.

* * *

_17\. Under no circumstances am I allowed to "Accidentally fall down the chimney." You know it wouldn't be an accident._

"Hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" The company of Thorin Oakenshield jumped and spun around the room, trying to find the source of the guffawing voice.

They turned to the fireplace just in time to see Thorin go flying as Kili flew into him. Thorin had been standing at the fireplace one minute, then the next, he had been headbutted in the stomach by his nephew.

"Hi uncle!" Kili called merrily as he sat atop the king's stomach.

"Kili…" Thorin growled as he struggled to sit up and stare at his nephew.

No sooner, a second voice flew down the chimney as Fili shot out of the fireplace into Dwalin as he cackled madly.

"Hi Dwalin!" Fili cried cheerily as he sat atop the warrior. "What's up?"

* * *

**Taa daaa! Hope you all liked it! Oh, by the way, I was so happy when _ThorinKiliandFili4ever_ sent me a PM Message! Feel free to do that any time you want! I love to hear from you, loveys!  
**

**Ta, Olive**

**P.S. Reviews+Favorites+Followers+Cupcakes=Happy Olive! Make 3/4s of that come true by reviewing, following, and favoriteing! (I know Favoriteing still isn't a word, but oh well!) If you want to make it all come true, I give you permission to send me a cupcake! (Or twenty!)**

**And THANK YOU to wramuney and ACreativeHobbit for considering sending me a puppy! (Or fourteen!)**

**Thanks!**

**Ta**


	3. AUTHORS NOTE! IMPORTANT! DON'T SKIP!

**Sorry to disappoint all you thorough readers, but this is just an author's note!  
Anywho, I just wanted to open up the option for you darlings to send me requests for rules Fili and Kili break! You can send me ideas in a review or PM Message! I love to hear from you and love fresh ideas! You dearies are all so smart and amazing, I'm sure you have beautiful ideas that I can use! (Gee, I hope all this flattery will convince you!)**

**On another note, I just wanted to let you angels know that I am definitely doing more than 60 rules! I am having way too much fun to stop at 60! How many rules do you want? There's a poll on my profile page. Vote! **

**Thanks mates!**

**Ta, Olive**

**P.S. REVIEW!**

**Thanks!**


	4. 18-24

**Hello my lovelies! I love you all so much that I've decided to update EVEN SOONER! (Yay!) I know I've been updating earlier than normal, and I won't any more! I solemnly swear! (Unless you dearies like it, do you want me to update alot? Please tell me!) Anywho, thank you all so much for giving me lovely reviews and ideas! I'm glad to take any ideas! #18 Is courtesy of a Guest. I am grateful for it, so thanks to them! **

* * *

_18\. I am not allowed to have a fake duel in the marketplace. No matter how scary and cool it makes dwarves seem._

"Ha ha! Take that!" Fili cried as he took a swipe at Kili. His brother jumped back, an equally mad grin on his face.

"Get back!" Kili hollered, stabbing the air with his sword. Fili pretended to be scared as he fell back and cowered on the ground.

"Oh dear! You have overthrown me!" Fili cried in a falsetto voice, fanning himself.

Kili laughed loudly. "I have won," he stated proudly.

"Not on my watch!" Fili grabbed his brother around the knees, knocking him to the ground. Fili took the opportunity to jump back to his feet and take off sprinting. He dodged between fruit and meat stalls, ducked around people. Fili looked over his shoulder to see his brother scrambling after him.

Fili jumped atop the old stone fountain in the middle of the square, pointing his sword at his brother a level below him.

Kili, not wanting to be one-upped by his brother, jumped on the fountain as well where the two continued their duel.

"Hahahaha…." Kili cried right before he was pushed into the fountain. Fili laughed like mad until he was dragged in as well.

The two sat laughing in the fountain when a dark shadow fell upon them.

Not even looking up, Fili said: "Hi uncle!"

* * *

_19\. I am not allowed to record everything the company members say and do. No matter how much I think every move they make should be preserved._

"Hmmmmm….." Fili said, stroking his chin as his other hand held a quill and parchment. "Balin-comes-into-room." He said, scribbling that down.

Balin looks over at him, a bemused expression upon his face.

"Balin-looks-at-Fili-with-odd-expression." Kili adds, writing that down as well.

"Balin-rolls-his-eyes-at-Kili."

"Nori-rolls-his-eyes-at-Fili."

"Bofur-rolls-his-eyes-at-Kili."

"Dwalin-orders-his-fifth-ale."

"Dwalin-shouldn't-be-doing-that."

"Yes. Ori-scratches-his-nose."

"Ori-looks-at-Kili-with-startled-expression."

"Kili-is-handsomest-dwarf-ever-to-have-walked-Middle-Earth."

"Fili-agrees-to-that,-only-adding-he-is-more-handsome."

"Kili-disagrees."

"Fili-agrees."

"Kili-DISAGREES."

"Fili-AGREES."

"Dwalin-Falls-out-of-his-chair."

"Dwalin-should-have-followed-Fili-and-Kili's-advice."

"Dwalin-should-listen-better."

"Thorin-is-getting-up-from-chair."

Thorin-looks-angry."

"Thorin-is-walking-over."

"Thorin-grabs-us-"

Kili didn't have time to finish writing his sentence before Thorin grabbed him and Fili, dragging them away.

* * *

_20\. I am not allowed to sit on the roof, "pondering the meaning of life." No matter how hard I ponder._

Kili sighed. He let his feet dangle over the side of the roof.

"Hello up there!" Kili heard a voice coming from the ground below. He swung his feet up and lay on his stomach, leaning over the side. He looked down to see his brother staring back up, one hand shielding the sun from his eyes.

Kili grinned and waved. "Hello!" He called down.

"What are you doing?" Fili asked.

"Hmmm?"

"Er, what are you doing on the roof."

"Um. I'm…pondering!"

"Pondering?"

"Yes!"

"Pondering what, exactly?"

"Er… The meaning…of life!"

"The meaning of life?"

"Yes!"

"Really?"

"Ssssh!"

"What?"

"I'm pondering!"

"Pondering what?"

"The meaning of life! Dah."

"Kili?"

"Ssssh! I'm still pondering!"

"Kili."

"Fine! What?"

"You're stuck on the roof again, aren't you?"

(_Sigh_) "Yes."

"Kili! That's the sixth time this week!"

* * *

_21\. I am not allowed to keep Rhosgobel Rabbits as pets. No matter how many times I try to convince Thorin they are perfectly safe and house trained._

"Hello, uncle!" Fili cried as he and Kili sauntered into the room, followed by ten fluffy rabbits.

"Aurgh!" Thorin jumped a mile high when he saw the fluffy little animals.

"What?" Kili asked, clearly confused.

"Fili, why do you have rabbits?" Thorin said, breathing heavily as he glared at his two nephews.

"Why uncle!" Fili gasped, hand shooting to his heart.

"Rabbits?" Kili asked, sounding equally hurt.

"These are no rabbits!" Fili said proudly.

"These are-"

"Rhosgobel Rabbits!"

"Rhosgobel Rabbits?" Asked Thorin shakily.

"Yes!"

"Mister Bird Poop Wizard lent them to us!"

"Why do you want them?" Thorin asked.

"We want to learn to be more responsible!" Kili said proudly. The company, having been listening, snorted at that comment. Kili looked at them with a confused expression, then shrugged.

"Uncle, meet Fluffy,"

"Cutiecicle,"

"Arnold,"

"Angeldiddlybop,"

"Numnum,"

"Woowoodarling,"

"Sweetiepie,"

"Babykins,"

"Necromanceria,"

"And last but not least-"

"-Thorin Jr!"

Thorin's jaw went slack. "What? You named them Fluffy, Cutiecicle, Sweetiepie, Necromaneria? Arnold?"

"Don't forget Babykins!"

"And Woowoodarling!"

"Angeldiddlybop!"

"Numnum!"

"And Thorin Jr!" Fili and Kili sung together.

The two of them barely had time to say another word before Thorin chased them while howling: "THORIN JR? WHAT!?" Fili and Kili laughed their heads off as their uncle chased them out the door, ten fluffy rabbits trailing behind.

* * *

_22\. I am not allowed to say everything in sync with my brother. No matter how funny it is to see Dwalin's face._

"Good morning," Fili and Kili cried at the same time as they descended the stairs together.

Dwalin raised an eyebrow. "Good morning yerselves. We have an important day today! Thorin will be talking with an important man. So you two had better stay upstairs until he leaves."

Fili and Kili widened their eyes. "But why, dear Dwalin?" They chorused together, looking hurt.

"I'm pretty sure that you know why!" Dwalin growled.

"Remind us, please!" The brothers said together, both leaning in with their chin in their hands, batting their eyelashes.

Dwalin rolled his eyes. "Alright. Remember the time you two predicted the company members' future?"

"That was only Kili," Fili and Kili rolled their eyes.

Dwalin stared at the pair. "Why are you two saying the same things?"

"We don't know what you are talking about!" They cried crossing their arms.

"Yes you do," Dwalin grumbled.

"Oh Dwalin! You have so much to learn," Fili and Kili said simultaneously, shaking their heads sympathetically.

"Upstairs!" Dwalin roared as Fili and Kili scrambled up the steps snickering.

* * *

_23\. I am not allowed to Escape out the upstairs window after Dwalin puts me there under house arrest. (In reference to rule #22) No matter how much I believe I shouldn't be there._

"Alright…ready?"

"Yes."

"Let's go!"

Fili pulled himself onto the windowsill, letting his legs dangle outside. He looked down to see the busy streets of Bree below. Right below him was his target. Perfect.

Giving a last thumbs up to Kili, Fili called out: "Oi Bombur!"

The red haired dwarf looked up to see the blonde prince. "Catch!"

And with that, Fili launched himself out the window and fell on top of Bombur.

"Thanks, pal!" Fili cried, patting Bombur on the head as he got off the spluttering dwarf.

"What was that about?" Bombur cried as he pulled his big self off the ground.

"I, uh, forgot how to unlock the door to my room," Fili lied. "And so SOMEHOW I locked myself in."

Bombur, knowing Fili was lying, shook his head and made a move to walk away but Fili stopped him.

"Wait-Bombur!" He cried. "One last thing!"

"What?" Bombur asked, confusion clear into his voice.

Kili launched himself out of the window and fell on top of Bombur.

"Thanks, pal!" Kili cried, patting Bombur on the head as he got off the, yet again, spluttering dwarf. And with that, triumph in their step, Fili and Kili allowed themselves back into the Prancing Pony.

Bombur got off the ground, grumbling angrily. He smiled when he heard the howling voice of Dwalin yelling at Fili and Kili whom, he expected, were grinning madly.

* * *

_24\. I am not allowed to be a table. No matter how much I want to experience it._

Need I say anything more?

* * *

**Ta daaa! How was it? Did you like it? Tell me by reviewing please! And remember, review or send me a PM Message if you have any ideas you want me to use! I have already gotten some lovely ideas from others that I am going to use! Note: If you send me ideas, I WILL use at least one of them, I promise, but they might not appear in the next chapter. They will happen, but not right away. I SOLEMNLY SWEAR! (I say that too much, don't I?) I am so glad you guys like my story so much! I hope you continue to follow it! So please, send me a review! Tell me which rules you like the best, I like to know! I must say my favorites are #19, 20, and 21. What are yours? I love hearing from you darlings!  
****Ta,**

**Olive**

**P.S. Reviews+Follows+Favorites+Teddy Bears=Happy Olive! Make 3/4s of that come true by Reviewing, Following, and Favoriteing! (FOR GOODNESS SAKES, WHY IS FAVORITEING STILL NOT A WORD?!) So... yeah! Oh! And if you want to send me some teddy bears, I would be so grateful! Thanks to _Alicia457_ and _wrmauney_ for considering sending me cupcakes, you guys are so sweet! And to _Scarlet Pimpernel00_ for "sending" me a kitten, that would help me write! Sorry to all you poor loves who aren't familiar with me! I can get a little...er...silly! So... yeah! Help me out! Thanks, cuties!**

**Olive**


	5. 25-31

**Hello everybody! I know I promised you all that I wouldn't publish this next chapter so soon, but I couldn't help it! I didn't have anything to do all this week, so I've been writing! I'll be busier these next weeks so I won't update so fast. Thanks SO much to all of you who have reviewed, it makes me smile every time! As I've promised, some of these rules are fans' ideas. I just did the writing. So #25 is _jesslyoko324_'s idea! Yay! #28 is courtesy of _wrmauney, _and #31 is _jaymzNshed_'s hilarious idea! So a huge round of thank you's to all of you!**

* * *

_25\. I am not allowed to put a horn on a horse and call it a unicorn. No matter how much I've always wanted one._

"Hi, uncle!" Kili called out as he ambled into the room, holding a rope. Attached to the rope was a…

"Gah!" Thorin sputtered, falling out of his chair. Dwalin knocked his ale over in surprise, Bofur choked on the food he was eating, Ori took one look at the creature and ran screaming out of the room.

"Yes?" Kili asked, quite confused at what the problem was. He looked up at the creature attached to the end of the rope and grinned. "OH! You mean THIS?"

"What else?" Thorin grumbled.

Kili grinned and pet his pet. "Everyone! Meet Mr Flufferdoodle! He's my unicorn!"

Balin raised his eyebrows. "Unicorns are just a myth, lad. Are you sure Mr Flufferdoodle is a real unicorn?"

Kili laughed nervously. "What," he droaned. "Of course he's real! What, did you think I would unexpectedly steal a horse from a random stable and stick a horn I found in the woods on it? Do you REALLY think I'd do that?" He guffawed loudly.

"Yes, yes you would." Bofur grumbled.

Before Kili could open his mouth to reply, a man burst into the Prancing Pony.

"You," he panted, glaring at Kili. "You stole our horse." He then pointed to Mr Flufferdoodle.

Kili put a hand over his heart. "A HORSE? No, this is a unicorn!" And with that, Kili swung himself onto his so called 'unicorn' and rode away.

"Away, Mr Flufferdoodle, away!" He screamed as the man chased after him.

* * *

_26\. I am not allowed to be a spy. No matter how much I've always wanted to be one._

"Dun dun, dun dun, dundun dundun. Dundun, dun dun, dundun dun dun." Fili whispered as he somersaulted across the floor to hide behind another wall. Flipping his hair, he peeked around the wall to check for intruders. None.

"Hmmmm…." Fili said quietly, stroking his chin. Nothing.

Sighing, Fili got up. "Uncle Thorin!" He howled.

Thorin came running into view, panting. "What is it?" He gasped.

"There's no problems here," Fili said importantly. "That's my report for this room."

"Er, that's what you wanted to tell me?" Thorin was confused.

"Yes! Now shoo shoo! I have important business." And with that Fili steered his still baffled uncle out of the room and resumed his mission.

"Dun dun, dunun, dun dun, dundun. Dundun, dun dun, dun dun, dundun." Fili continued his humming as he flipped through the air and out the window. He landed delicately on the street outside and held his arms out, ready for danger.

Fili scanned the street, looking for any harm. He found none.

"Uncle Thorin!" Fili screeched yet again.

His uncle barreled out the door of the inn, sword ready. "Now what is it? Orcs?" He asked, eyes narrowed.

Fili rolled his eyes. "No. There's nothing. No problems. It's suspicious." He narrowed his eyes as well.

Thorin put down his sword and sighed. "Fili, what on earth are you doing? You have been giving me reports on rooms."

"I'm a spy," Fili said, looking at Thorin like he was mad.

Thorin shook his head. "Fili. Just go back inside. Do whatever your brother is doing, he's inside being quiet." Thorin, then realizing how strange it was that Kili was being quiet, knew something bad was probably being done by the equally mischievous brother. With one last look at the Fili, Thorin rushed inside, screaming: "Kili! Whatever you are doing is probably wrong, so stop right this instant!"

Fili, still searching for danger, resumed where he had left off. "Dundun, dun dun, dun dun, dundun. Dun dun, dun dun, dundun, dundun."

* * *

_27\. I am not allowed to patrol Bree with Uncle Thorin's sword and Gloin's axe. No matter how much I'm concerned for the citizens._

Bofur raised his eyebrows as he watched Fili and Kili trooped by. Their heads were held high, noses in the air, Gloin's axe and Thorin's sword in their hands, and an air of official.

"Oi, what're you doing, lads?" He called to the two brothers, knowing they were probably up to no good.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're on duty. No time to talk." Kili said importantly. Bofur snorted, since when was Kili formal and called him sir?

"Oh? And what be your duty?" Bofur asked. "And what kind of duty involves your uncle and master Gloin's sword and axe?"

"We're patrolling Bree!" Fili exclaimed, so happy that he almost dropped Gloin's axe.

"For any unwanted beasts and people!" Kili added.

Not letting Bofur say anything more, the brothers resumed their marching, nodding politely to the people around them.

Bofur snorted again. "I give them five minutes."

* * *

_28\. I am not allowed to convince the burglar that in ancient Khuzdul, 'burglar' means 'the one who does the chores and waits on dwarves hand and foot.' No matter how much I HATE doing chores, myself._

"A-Are you sure?" Bilbo asked, eyes wide. Fili and Kili nodded importantly.

"Of course it does, silly! We know Khuzdul, don't we!" Kili said, clapping his hands like a happy child.

"We never had the time to tell you," Fili added. "There was never the perfect moment. But how about now! Kili and I do need our swords polished, you know…"

Bilbo, nodding thoroughly, held out his arms as Fili and Kili gladly deposited their weapons. Bilbo whisked them away, running up the stairs to do his so called 'job.'

Fili and Kili snickered, grinning at one another.

"Fili! Kili! What is going on?" Thorin bellowed a couple of hours later as he descended the stairs. "Our burglar has gone mad-" Thorin abruptly stopped as he noticed that Fili and Kili were sitting at a table with their feet on the table and hot chocolate in hand. Bilbo was running back and forth, giving them shoulder massages.

"Bilbo, why don't you go make Kili, Thorin and I some pancakes?" Fili asked innocently. The hobbit's head bounced up and down as he nodded and ran off into the kitchen.

"What is the meaning of this, lads?" Thorin sighed. "The burglar has plowed through all of our rooms cleaning them and putting flowers in them. What is happening?"

Fili and Kili suddenly looked guilty. "Well you see, uncle," Fili started uncomfortably.

"We may have told dear Bilbo," Kili added.

"That the word 'burglar,'"

"Means 'the one who does the chores and waits on dwarves hand and foot.'"

"Maybe…"

Thorin rolled his eyes but hungrily eyed the pancakes as Bilbo cheerily came into the room with them. Bilbo hoped he was living up to his title.

* * *

_29\. I am not allowed to invent a new sport using Thorin's sword and Bombur's muffins. No matter how bored I am and need something to do._

"Batter up!" Kili shrieked as Fili swaggered up to stand parallel with him twenty feet away.

Clutching a muffin in his hand, Kili took a deep breath and chucked the pastry at Fili. Fili saw it coming and swung his uncle's sword to defend himself. The blade didn't chop the muffin in half, but it did boost it a good fifty feet into the air, hitting a window.

It just so happened that the very window the muffin hit was Thorin's. Poking his head out of the window, Thorin scowled down at his nephews who grinned sheepishly. Then noticing his sword in Fili's hand, he he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"I'll give you ten seconds," he shouted to his nephews.

"Thanks, uncle," Kili yelled over his shoulder as he and Fili took off running like the wind. Ten seconds later, a very angry uncle was pursuing them.

* * *

30\. I am not allowed to go all 'pacifist' on Thorin. It really won't help.

"Fili! Kili!" Thorin bellowed, knotting his hands into fists and clamping his eyes shut.

"Sssh! Uncle!" Kili cried. "Anger is not the key!"

Thorin stood there, clearly stunned.

"Yes," Fili nodded encouragingly. "Violence is not the answer!"

"Let us all be peaceful and forget the bad times!" Kili threw a pile of daisy petals into the air around Thorin.

"Let us all take a moment to go to our happy place!" Fili said dreamily, shutting his eyes. Kili did the same.

Thorin took the opportunity to grab his nephews by the scruffs of their necks and drag them off.

"Uncle!" Fili howled. "Think of your happy place!"

"I think his happy place was destroyed ages ago," Kili whispered to his brother.

* * *

_31\. I am not allowed to tell the tale of how Bifur got the axe stuck in his head. No matter how much I think I know about the matter._

"Once upon a time," Fili began. "There was a unicorn."

"He was a very nice unicorn," Kili added. "With a tale that was black and white."

"Now Bifur the dwarf used to be bald. Accident involving a dragon."

"So he went in search of some new hair."

"His beard was still there, a black and white color."

"So he wanted his new hair to match his old beard."

"So he searched and searched. But he had no luck."

"Finally while he searched the woods,"

"A rainbow appeared."

"The rainbow Bifur through the forest,"

"And to the unicorn!"

"Bifur was amazed to see the resemblance between the unicorn's tail and his beard,"

"So he cut the tail off and put it on his head!"

"The unicorn suddenly woke up!"

"And saw Bifur with it's tail."

"So the friendly unicorn turned into an axe wielding maniac and smacked Bifur with it's axe. But the axe is still in his head. To this very day."

"The end!" Fili and Kili chorused together. The company stared back at them, unsure of what to say or do.

Bifur, on the other hand, looked quite impressed.

* * *

**Well? How was it?! What were your favorites? Mine were probably #25, 26, and 30. What about you? I'd love to know so I can be inspired! Tell me! I have also decided to come up with a...CONTEST! Wahoo! Whoever is my 50th reviewer, they can think up all 7 ideas for a chapter! I'll PM the winner and they can send me their ideas, their ideas will show up in chapter 7! So be my 50th reviewer! But I love you guys all the same!**

**Ta, Olive**

**P.S. Reviews+Follows+Favorites+Ducklings=Happy Olive! Make 3/4s of that come true by reviewing, following, and favoriteing! (Goodness, why isn't favoriteing a word! It should be, am I right?!) So, yeah! Make me happy! Unless you also want to send me a little yellow duckling! I'd be so happy! And THANK YOU to _wrmauney_,_ Alicia457_, _ACreativeHobbit_, and _Scarlet Pimpernel00 _for 'sending' me teddy bears! Thanks! You guys are the greatest! **

**Help me get inspired, send me ideas, or PM me! I love hearing from you! Thanks!**


	6. 32-40

**Hello, everyone! Here I have rules 32-40, I hope you enjoy! Sorry, I would've updated yesterday or the day before, but the Doc Manager wasn't working for me. So I sent a 'polite complaint' to FanFiction Support and they fixed it! Round of applause here, I can't thank them enough! So anywho, I thank everyone who has reviewed, you are all so generous! And just a little reminder, #33 was the wonderful idea of _cherryberryblablabla_ (cool username, don't you agree?!) #37 was that of the brilliant mind of _jaymzNshed. _And lastly, #40 was _DarylDixon'sgirl1985_. And there is a guest star in #36! She's pretty wicked! So on with the story! ;)**

* * *

Chapter 5

* * *

_32\. I am not allowed to steal the thing from the kitchen marked 'Keep away from Fili and Kili at all costs.' (Sugar) It really isn't good for me._

"Hmmm, hmmm…" Fili was intrigued as he spotted the heavily padlocked box with a note on it. "Keep away from Fili and Kili at all costs…." He mused. "That sounds promising…"

So Fili, with a new treasure in his hands, set off to find his brother, practically leaping out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

Fifteen minutes later…

"Mwaaa hahahahahahaha…." A certain blonde dwarf cackled as he cartwheeled into the room. "I looooooooooooooove off-limit things!"

"Never have truer words been spoken!" Kili screamed as he somersaulted in behind his brother. "I feel like king of the mountain!"

"I'm pretty sure that's my job," a voice spoke from above Kili. He stopped his gymnastics and flopped onto his back, giggling madly.

"Howdy, uncle! You know, can I call you Uncie Thorthor? It fits you better. Uncie Thorthor? Are you alright? You're sort of blurry and shaking…"

Thorin stared down at his nephew. He was not shaking, Kili was.

Fili, Fili on the other hand was still on his feet. Not really. The blond prince was flipping around the room. He jumped on to a table and started to do a jaunty little jig. His brother had lifted himself off the floor and leapt up beside his brother. The two then proceeded to play Patty-Cake.

Thorin stared at the chaos and slowly backed out of the room, not wanting to be part of it. He knew that they had found the sugar and ran off to find a more secure place for the weapon.

* * *

_33\. I am not allowed to start my meal by licking all the food on my plate and then announcing to everyone that its so no one can steal any of it. Need I even explain it?_

Kili carefully picked up a piece of meat from his plate and licked it. He did the same with his vegetables, one by one. Finally, he settled on his biscuits and licked those too.

Satisfied with his handiwork, Kili got up on his chair.

"Hem hem!" He called out to the room. The dwarves and men stopped their eating to look up at him. "I just wanted to let you all know that you shouldn't steal my food! I licked it all so its my property!"

The Company returned to their eating, already used to Kili's strange antics. Fili looked thoughtfully at his plate.

"Do you mean if I lick it, its mine?" He asked his brother who had rejoined the table.

* * *

_34\. In reference to rule #5, I am not allowed to go around shouting 'Make way for the King of Erebor or he'll feed you to his army of unicorns!' It really isn't necessary, no matter how much it seems._

"Make way for the king of Erebor!" Fili cried, spinning around on his heel to face his uncle and give a dramatic bow.

"Or he'll feed you to his army of unicorns!" Kili added, leaping around his uncle in a circle, arms held high like a dancer.

Thorin, clearly annoyed, dragged the two away as people began to stare. "You two!" He hissed. "Stop drawing attention to us! No one should know that I'm the king of Erebor, for now I'm just a lowly dwarf. And if I ever hear you two shout that again, I will personally have Gandalf send you all the way across Middle Earth until you learn to behave!"

And with that, the king stomped away. Fili and Kili looked at each other, shrugged, and followed.

"Make way for this lowly dwarf!"

"Or he'll smack you with Gandalf's stick-"

"On your bum-"

"And send you away!"

"To his Unicorn Island!"

"Until you learn to make way for him!"

"It's nothing personal!"

Thorin let it pass this time. He started to ponder the benefits of an army of unicorns…

* * *

_35\. I am not allowed to talk about things that don't exist. I should already know that._

"Mwahahaha! Unicorns will take over the world!" Kili screamed. "Just wait until I get an army of unicorns! I'll take over Middle Earth someday! Yaaaaaaaaaaaa!" (**1****)**

Thorin rolled his eyes. "Kili, unicorns don't exist. Stop talking about them."

* * *

"I am off to search for the Legendary Jackalope! Wish me luck!" Fili said jauntily as he waved to the company and started out the door. (**2**)

Thorin grabbed him by the collar of his jacked and dragged him back inside.

"There is no such thing as a Legendary Jackalope," Thorin grumbled. "You don't need to search for one."

* * *

"How is your Xilophinolocogohus Symptom, uncle?" Fili asked, concern in his voice.

"Xilophinawhatta?" Thorin grumbled, then he rolled his eyes. "Fili, be serious. There's no such thing as…whatever you said."

* * *

"Has anyone seen my sanity?" Kili asked nervously. "I can't seem to find it!"

Thorin, who happened to be walking by, snorted. "I told you, Kili! You aren't aloud to talk about things that don't exist!"

* * *

"So, uncle! How's your love life going?" Fili asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Thorin looked up and rolled his eyes.

Kili turned to his brother and rolled his eyes as well. "Oh, Fili. Hasn't uncle taught you anything?! You aren't supposed to talk about things that don't exist."

* * *

_36\. I am not allowed to find random girls on the street and ask them to join the company. No matter how cute and insane they are… _(**3**)

"Hiya uncle!" Kili beamed as he and his brother moseyed into the room.

"We found a new company member!" Fili added as he stared at the girl who followed them.

"Sup, my compadres! What's crack-a-lackin' and booty-smackin'?!" The girl cried in an obnoxious voice. She dramatically flipped her sandy blonde hair and widened her snappish green eyes.

"NEW COMPANY MEMBER?" Thorin bellowed as he stared at the girl.

"You betcha!" She cried. "The name's Hannah, don't wear it out!" Hannah stuck her hand out, and cocked her head when the king refused to take it.

"We promised Han that she could stay with us!" Fili cried.

"And she has friends!" Kili added, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Yes, but none of them are as gorgeous, hot, or FREAKIN' BEAUTIFUL as me!" Hannah said, twirling on her heel and smiling charmingly.

"Fili! No! Bad! Wrong!" Thorin spluttered.

"Spaghetti! Nachos! Cucumber!" Hannah yelled. When she was met with blank stares, she shrugged. "Don't ask me, ask Grumpy over there!"

"Grumpy?" Thorin growled, stomping over to the girl.

"Uncle!" Fili complained.

"Fili…" Kili warned.

"Zelda!" Hannah screamed. Again, everyone stopped to look at her.

Thorin dragged Fili and Kili off. Hannah could hear him yelling about not talking to strangers. She shrugged. "Is Grumpy always this…grumpy?"

Balin sighed. "Afraid so, lassie."

Hannah turned to him and her smile widened. "Ooh! Doc!" Balin stared.

"W-what are you talking about?" The shy Ori stuttered.

Hannah spun around to face him and grinned slyly. "What was that, Bashful?"

"Lassie, I think you're talking nonsense," Bofur said cheerily.

Hannah nodded. "I think you're right, Happy." (**4**)

* * *

_37\. I am not allowed to steal Gandalf's hat and then tell him that I only stole it to accompany his stick. It felt lonely. I really shouldn't go through his things._

"Hem hem!" Fili called. "I am here!"

The company glanced up and gawked at the blonde prince. For their on his head was a certain gray pointed hat…

"Where did you find that?" Gandalf cried, hands shooting up to his head. For there, just moments ago, was where that very hat was resting.

"Ummm….someone on the street?" Fili said, unsure of an excuse.

"Fili…" Gandalf's voice became dangerously low and stern.

"Get back! I'm armed!" Fili cried, brandishing a wand from his sword sheath. "Gandalf's stick is quite dangerous-oh, wait. You are Gandalf. Oopsie!"

"Hem hem," Gandalf frowned. "Give them both back. Why did you steal my possessions?"

Fili let his big blue eyes widen. "Gaaan-dallllllf! I didn't steal! I only borrowed your stick!"

"And what about my hat?" The gray wizard huffed.

"Um….the stick was lonly without the hat?"

* * *

_38\. I am not allowed to steal Thorin's sword and throw it in the lake, claiming it wanted freedom. No matter how strongly I feel about letting things be free._

"Swim free, my little darling!" Kili cried as he hurled his uncle's sword into the lake. Satisfied with his handiwork, Kili merrily skipped off.

Fifteen minutes later…

"Kili! Where's my sword?"

"Why uncle!" Kili put a hand over his heart. "Why do you come to ask me?"

Thorin snorted. "Because I knew you did it."

Kili scrunched up his nose. "How did you know? Who told you?"

"You did."

"...OH! I get it! Smart move, uncle!"

"Mmm hmmm…"

"Yeah."

"Kili…"

"What…"

"Where's my sword?!"

Kili laughed nervously. "Hehe… Funny story, you see…"

* * *

_39\. I am not allowed to 'wonder why a potato is called a potato.' No matter how interesting I think the matter is._

"Grrrr….." Kili cried as he tried to untangle his pant leg from the branch of the tree. It wasn't working.

"Hello! There you are!" A voice called. Kili tried his best to look up for the voice calling him, but it was hard. Judging by the fact that he was dangling off the ground. Upside down.

"Errr….what are you doing?" Fili asked his brother, clearly bemused.

"I'm wondering," Kili said matter-of-factly.

"Wondering what," Fili laughed.

Kili froze. He hadn't gotten that far. "Um…."

"Yes?"

"I've been wondering…"

"Yes…?"

"Why a potato...is called a potato!" There we go.

"Really?"

"Yupper."

"And why are you hanging upside down? From a tree?"

"It, uh, helps me think?"

"Kili?"

"What? I'm quite busy wondering over here!"

"You're stuck in the tree again, aren't you?"

(Sigh) "You know it."

"Kili! That's the third time this week!"

* * *

_40\. I am not allowed to repeat whatever my dear uncle says. He really doesn't enjoy it as much as I do._

"Good morning, men," Thorin grumbled. He staggered down the stairs and sat at the table occupying his nephews and some other company members.

"Good morning, men," Fili and Kili chorused.

Thorin cocked an eyebrow at the duo, but didn't complain. "I don't know what you two are up to, but I know its not good."

"I know its not good," Fili and Kili replied.

Thorin's eyebrows rose even higher. "What are you doing?"

"What're you doing?"

"Stop it!"

"Stop it!"

"Fili…"

"Fili."

"Kili…"

"Mr Handsome Dwarf…"

"Hey, that's not what I said!"

"That's not what I said."

"Darn."

"Darn."

"Fine…uh…oh what a beautiful morning!"

"Oh what a beautiful morning!"

"I want pancakes."

"I want PANCAKES!"

"Uncle Thorin is the best."

"Uncle Thorin is the best!"

"Hmmm…. I could get used to this, ya know…"

"Score!"

"Wait...what…?"

"Wait what?"

"Oh."

* * *

**And there you have it! So here are some things you should know...**

(**1**) **: I directly quote "_Mwahahaha! Unicorns will take over the world!_" From _jesslyoko324_! That girl is wicked! I love her!**

(**2**) **: Legendary Jackalope, huh? Do I sense some foreshadowing?! You know it...**

(**3**) **: Who is this random OC, you may be asking yourself...Guess what?! She's not random at all! Hannah is the lovely character from _BrazilianLOTRFan_'s story _Supernatural Pools_! She lent Hannah to me so she could guest star! How did you like this blonde character? Check out Esmerelda's story _Supernatural Pools_! It's the best story I have ever seen! REVIEW IT PLEASE! A personal favor to me!**

(**4**) **: Did you like my use on the names for the company members? Those are the Seven Dwarves' names from Snow White! **

**So, anywho, I just wanted to really thank you all for reviewing my story, I couldn't ask for anything more! (Except maybe a koala bear, it was my birthday a couple of weeks ago, you know?) So I just wanted to say that the next chapter will be all ideas from _Dreamer4life16_'s fabulous mind! She was my 50th reviewer, and I thank her so! And remember, whoever is my 100th reviewer, shall get a whole chapter of their ideas! So look for the next chapter! It'll be fan made! Thanks to one and all! **

**Ta, Olive**

**P.S. I decided not to give y'all an equation about favorites and follows and reviews today, I think you get the message! But you can still do all of those things for me to make me happy! And THANK YOU to _Alicia457,_ and_ Scarlet Pimpernel00 _for sending me some ducklings! I love you both! Also, thanks to everyone who told me their favorite rules, I love to hear from y'all! My favorites were #34, 35, 36, and 38. What were yours? I love hearing your thoughts! And if you have any ingenious rule ideas, I'm happy to see them! This is probably the longest Author's Note I've ever written, but I hope that's okay with all of you. Thanks for everyone who takes the time to read all of it!**


	7. 41-47

**Hello everybody! Sorry it took me awhile to update, I was sort of busy. But anyway, here I am! So rules 41-47! Wowza! Just to let you know, this is my fanmade chapter! _Dreamer4life16, _my 50th reviewer, made all of these ideas up and I wrote them! So here you all go!**

* * *

41._ I am not allowed to steal food from fellow company members and then scream 'My precious!" whenever they try to take it back. No matter how much I love food._

"Muffin…" Kili sighed wistfully as he stared at Bombur's pile of muffins. The red headed dwarf himself was busy stuffing other foods into his large mouth.

Not wanting to be left hungry, Kili swiped one of the tasty muffins away from Bombur. "Mmmmm…" He said slyly.

Bombur glared at him and tried to take the pastry back.

"Noooooooooooo! My precious!" Kili hissed as he hid the muffin. "_Preciousssssssss_!"

Bilbo, sitting next to Kili, stared at him with wide eyes and scooted his chair as far away as possible.

* * *

_42\. I am not allowed to arrange a marriage for my dear uncle. No matter how much I've wanted to be the flower girl._

"Come along, uncle!" Fili crowed as he dragged his uncle down the aisle. Literally. Thorin Oakenshield was tied up with ropes binding his hands and feet. He was not happy, not happy at all.

"Mmmmmph! Grrrrmmmmmphh!" The king grumbled.

"Don't worry! The bride is lovely! She'll worship you and never defy you! I can promise you that!" Fili beamed.

"Mmmmmmph! Mmgrmummmmmmmmph!"

"Don't say that! And on your wedding day! Shame on you, uncle!"

"Mmmph."

"Don't get testy with me!"

"Mmr ggr!"

"Here we are!" Fili had finally finished dragging his uncle down the aisle. Kili came down next, sprinkling flowers everywhere. He was beaming, positively enjoying it too much.

Finally, a quite unhappy Bilbo Baggins came, leading a potted plant in a wedding veil with him. As soon as they had made it to the 'alter,' Bilbo set the plant down and scurried away.

An even unhappier and quite skeptical Balin came out. "Dearly beloved," he sighed. "We are gathered here today…"

The groom really hated his nephews.

* * *

_43\. I am not allowed to steal the company members' belongings and hide (bury) them in the woods. No matter how ambitious I am!_

"Hmmmm…I've already gotten this far…" Kili said to himself as he stared at the belongings in front of him. "And it would be SUCH a bother to return them all…"

Fifteen minutes later…

"Kili….!" Thorin roared as he charged into the room, eyes wild.

"Yes, uncle?" Kili asked sweetly.

"Where's my sword?!"

"Uncle!" Kili gasped. "Why do you ask me?!"

Thorin crossed his arms. "Remember the last time when you threw my sword into the lake, claiming it wanted freedom?"

"Yes…?"

"Well I think this is alot like that."

"Well…This time it wasn't just you!"

Before Thorin could answer, shouts were heard from downstairs.

"What! Where's my axe?!"

"My journal!"

"Nooooo! Not my staff! Again!"

"My prized tea pot!"

"KILI….!"

An even angrier Thorin turned back to yell at Kili, only to discover that he was gone.

Kili, having escaped through the window, ran as fast as he could to the woods to try to find where he buried everything. Too bad he didn't know where…

* * *

_44\. I am not allowed to put sleeping powder in Dwalin's ale._

Dwalin fell over.

Fili and Kili snickered, anticipating what they could do to him.

* * *

_45\. I am not allowed to try and woo trolls into letting me go. (After I got myself in trouble with them, of course.)_

"Hello, fellas!" Fili called cheerfully, red in the face. Of course, he was being roasted over a fire and all…

"What does 'e want?" One of the trolls, Fili nicknamed Dumpy, called out.

"I dunno," Ugly sneered.

"Shut your trap, dwarf," the last one barked. Fili decided to name him Thorin II.

"No need to be rude," Fili huffed. The trolls only glared at him and roasted him faster.

"I, uh, just wanted to say that you are so impressive! Do you fight?" Fili asked, now getting more worried.

"Well we-" Dumpy started but was cut off when Thorin II conked him on the head.

"Umm. How are you all?" Fili decided to try again.

"Fine!" Dumpy sang.

"Meh." Ugly shrugged.

"Hungry," Thorin II bared his teeth.

"Huh," Fili laughed nervously. "Is it just me, or is it hot out here? Maybe we should put this fire out, you know that overheating is very bad!"

Thorin II gave him a look that automatically made him shut his mouth.

So Fili tried again. "If you're happy and you know it clap your han-"

"Shut your mouth!" Thorin II roared.

And so it went this way for a couple of hours until Thorin II finally was so sick of hearing Fili, he let the dwarf go.

* * *

_46\. In reference to rule # 44, I am not allowed to braid Dwalin's beard. Or make him girly in any way. It's an unfair advantage that he's sleeping._

"Beautiful," Fili grinned as he sat back, pleased with his handiwork.

"We are good," Kili sighed as he stared at his work of art.

After a couple wistful moments, Dwalin started to wake up. He was surprised to see the troublesome brothers staring at him. They leapt up as he sat up.

"Oh, Mister Dwalin!" Fili cried nervously. "We didn't know you were awake!"

"Yes! We were, uh, cleaning your room for you!" Kili stuttered.

"Bye!" Fili added as he dragged his brother out of the room.

Dwalin frowned. The room looked exactly as it did the last time he had checked. And since when did Fili and Kili _clean_ anything? That would be a first. And why did his beard feel heavier…?

Dwalin gasped as he looked at himself in the mirror on the inn's wall. His lips seemed to be dyed a bright pink and there was purple on his eyelids. His beard was braided and there were flowers woven into it. His mohawk was combed down and there was a bow on top of his head. But to top all…there was a huge bow on his sword.

"FILI…..KILI…..!"

* * *

_47\. I am not allowed to bake for my uncle and put special ingredients in it. No matter how much I want to surprise him._

"Don't worry, uncle!" Fili cried as he directed Thorin into a chair. "A cook from the kitchen helped us and gave us the recipe!"

"Honest!" Kili added, staring at his uncle with big brown eyes.

Thorin glared hesitantly at his nephews but somehow let himself nod.

Grinning, Kili whisked into the kitchen and brought back a plate with a tart on it.

"Go ahead, uncle! Try it!" Fili encouraged.

Thorin stared at the tart. It didn't look actually that bad. Surprise…

"And you're sure you got PROFESSIONAL help?" The king asked warily. The two bobbed their heads up and down. So the king cut off a small piece with his fork and put it in his mouth….

And the thing exploded, leaving three charred dwarves, one of them not happy. Not happy at all.

* * *

**Ta da! Round of applause for Dreamer4life16! She had amazing ideas! Wow! And don't forget, if you are my 100th reviewer, you get a whole chapter worth of ideas for me to write! Have fun! And tell me, what were your favorites? Mine were 42, 43, and 45. How about you? Love to hear from you all! And send me ideas! You inspire greatness!  
Ta, Olive**

**P.S. The whole review and favorite process+chocolate=Happy Olive! Want to make that come true? Thanks! **

**Love y'all!**


	8. 48-57

**Hello, darlings! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in almost a month! I've just been enjoying the weather, Minnesota's now out of the polar vortex! I'm so happy! Anyway, sorry for the delay, but here I am once again! Anywho, on with the story! I've got some rules that were requested and I wrote them! So, #48 has a guest star in it, #53 was thought of by _huntressofartemis101, _#54 was thought up by _fee, _#55 was inspired from _LionQueen, _#56 was from the mind of _starrobin88, _and lastly, #57 was by _MH Cynogriffon_! I thank all of them! Also, I know that #52 was an idea given to me, but I totally forgot who! Its driving me insane since I can't remember who and I want to thank and recognize them! Anywho, on with the chap!**

Chapter 8

* * *

_48\. I am not allowed to fall in love with random girls on the street that are too good for me. No matter how amazingly beautiful they are._

Kili jauntily skipped through the marketplace checking out all the ladies…..When he was supposed to be buying his uncle something or other.

Kili walked past a food stand without interest. Then slowly backed up to it again. For there, making pancakes and laughing with Bombur, was a girl. Hubba hubba.

He watched with awe as the girl with pale skin and black hair flipped a pancake onto a man's plate. Suddenly convincing himself that he was hungry, Kili swaggered up to the stand.

"Hello there, is it hot out here or is just you?" He asked the girl flirtatiously.

"Nope, I think its just you," she replied, her grey eyes never meeting his brown ones.

Kili raised an eyebrow, it was never this hard to win a beautiful girl. Ever. What had happened.

"Kili," Bombur scolded. "Leave Lea alone, she has a job to do. And so do I, shoo!"

Kili pulled Bombur from out of his food stand. "May I work for you, Bombur? Just for a little while? Take your lunch shift!" Bombur looked unconvinced.

Kili sighed. Desperate times called for desperate measures. "Bombur! Fetch!" He cried as he threw a pastry. Bombur tore off his apron and ran after the sweet.

"I'll be back in awhile, Lea!" He called.

"So…...Lea, is it?" Kili asked as he sidled up to her.

"Yes," she said as she moved away from him. "Will that be with or without eggs, sir?"

Kili plucked the order out of her hands. "I'll make it!" Lea looked at him unconvinced. "I will!"

"So…..Come here often?" He asked as he rummaged around for flour.

"I work here." She replied.

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"No and I hope I won't."

"Do you love me?"

"Meh."

"I love you."

"Good for you."

"You're the apple of my eye." Holds up an apple.

"Thanks. *crunch*"

"You are the most beautiful things I have ever seen!"

"THING?"

"Hehe…..run away with me."

"EEEK!"

"Is that a yes?!"

"NO YOUR PANCAKES ARE BURNING!"

Kili shrieked like a girl as his pancakes caught on fire. He waved them around in the pan and hurled them away…..where they happened to land on the face of the returning Bombur.

"Hehe….Got to go! Love you!"

"Move on, dude. Just go."

* * *

_49\. I am not allowed to try to be smart. No matter how amazingly cool I think it would be._

"Hem hem," Fili cleared his throat haughtily as he grasped a book. The company looked up and snorted. For there stood the blonde dwarf wearing a pair of spectacles he 'borrowed' from Balin.

"Fili, what are you doing" Thorin chuckled. "You have perfect vision."

"Smart people wear them," he replied.

"Yes-so why are you wearing them?" Dwalin snickered.

Fili pompously stuck his nose in the air and harrumphed. "I'll have you know, my dear comrades, this rubbish you are producing is maddening." They stared at him, mouths agape.

"Fili," Thorin said nervously, "what is wrong with you?"

"Balderdash," Fili scoffed. "Nothing is the matter with me, you must be mistaken. Now if you'll excuse me, I must go and read my book on plants of Middle Earth."

As Fili left, the company stared at one another in horror. "Does he even know what he's saying?" Balin finally asked. "Those words were pretty advanced for him."

"I know," Thorin agreed. "He's never been this... _smart_!"

The company all froze and looked at one another. "Smart?"

Ori screamed Balin fainted, Dwalin knocked over his ale, Nori choked on his food, Thorin mumbled over and over to himself: "This can't be happening….."

"What is wrong with the world?!" Dori screamed.

* * *

_50\. I am not allowed to try to make conversation with Gandalf._

"'Ello, Gandalf!" Kili cried as he spotted the wizard sitting in the corner of the Prancing Pony. He looked up, bemused, but waved as the dwarf came over.

"Hello, Kili. And how are you today?" Gandalf asked.

"Okay. I only got yelled at six times by Thorin and three times by Dwalin!" Kili grinned as if that was an accomplishment. Which it was. For him.

"Er, okay?"

"Yes!"

"Hmmmm."

"So Gandalf…...how's life?"

Gandalf looked surprised. "Are you referring to my life or all life?"

"Huh? Oh, er yours?"

"It is well."

"Do you like wine?"

"Er, I suppose?"

"Ponies?"

"I prefer horses."

"How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Six?"

"Haha, the thumb doesn't count!"

*Sigh* "Alright then…."

"Do you like waffles?"

"Er, yes I like waffles."

"Do you like pancakes?"

"Why yes, I like pancakes."

"Do you like french toast?"

"Yes, I like french toast."

"What's your name?"

"? Gandalf."

"What's the color of the sky?"

"Blue, I suppose."

"What's the opposite of down?"

"Up?"

"Gandalf blew up! Hahaha!"

"..."

"Awww, come on! It was funny Gandy!

"Don't call me that."

"Can I borrow your staff?"

"Hasn't your brother already done that?"

"Yeah?"

"Hmmmmmm…..maybe…"

"Really?"

"No."

"Can I wear your hat?"

"Hmmmmmmm…...maybe….."

"Really?"

"NO."

"Oh. Can I-"

"KILI."

"Right…"

* * *

_51\. I am not allowed to make promises. Especially if I can't fulfill them._

"Of course we can grant you a spot in our company!" Kili beamed at the man.

"Just talk to our Uncle Thorin!" Fili added importantly.

* * *

"Yes, Bombur can be your personal chef," Fili told the little hobbit boy.

"Just talk to our Uncle, he'll work out the details," added Kili.

* * *

"Yes, I promise that my uncle will marry you!" Kili cried happily to the excited dwarf woman.

"Just talk to him, he'll bode very quickly!" Fili beamed.

* * *

"Well, I suppose that we can lend you some money…"Fili said thoughtfully to the man.

"Just talk to Thorin, he will sort out the details." Kili said.

* * *

"Yes, our uncle would LOVE to buy all of your swords!" Kili exclaimed to the bouncing storekeeper

"Just talk to him, and he'll pay you PRONTO!" Fili grinned.

* * *

Many promises later…..

"FILI….KILI…..!" Thorin roared.

* * *

_52\. I am not allowed to search for the Legendary Jackalope. No matter how much I think I can find it._

"Good luck, brother," Kili said tearfully as he shook hands with Fili. "Make us proud!"

"I won't let you down," Fili said confidently as he swung his pack over his shoulder. "I will find the Jackalope and bring it back!"

"I believe in you!" Kili howled as his brother hopped up onto a pony and rode away.

Fifteen minutes later…

"Kili, where's your brother?" Thorin asked suspiciously.

"Making us proud!" Kili exclaimed.

* * *

_53\. I am not allowed to stuff Oin's ear trumpet with cotton balls. No matter how funny and amusing I think it would be._

"Hello Oin!" Thorin called as he walked up to the dwarf with the ear trumpet.

"Eh? What was that?" Oin grumbled.

"How are you?"

"Eh?"

"Can you hear me?" Thorin asked suspiciously.

"I've never been there, but it sounds lovely."

"What?"

"Eh?"

"Is there something wrong with your ear?"

"Meh, they are nice, but I meself prefer rabbits."

"Can you hear me?"

"Yes, waffles are nice."

"Can you hear me?!"

"Pancakes too."

"What is wrong?"

"How dare you? And in public too…..tsk tsk."

"What?"

"Eh?"

Behind the bar, Fili and Kili snickered.

* * *

_54\. I am not allowed to drink ale. Especially since its me._

"Hiya, Dwaliboo!" Fili slurred as he stumbled over to Dwalin, a bottle in his hand.

Dwalin scowled at him. "I thought we agreed for your safety that you'd stop calling me that."

Fili went cross eyed and laughed. "Your hair is lovely. I wish mine looked like thaaaaaaat."

Dwalin raised his eyebrows. "Are you drunk, lad?"

"Huh? Oh, I don't thiinnnnnnnnnnk so. I just found this bottle lying around. And there were six more like it." Fili giggled.

Dwalin rolled his eyes. "You are drunk."

"Whaaaaaaaaaat? No, not meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"Yes, yes you."

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

"Yes."

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

"Yes."

"I will ride, I will fly, chase the wind and touch the sky!" Fili cried as he pranced around.

Thorin walked in and watched his nephew in horror. Dwalin shrugged.

"Drunk." He said.

"Whaaaaaaaaaaat?! Not meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

* * *

_55\. I am not allowed to make my brother lose his nonexistent beard. No matter how lovely it is to laugh at his bare face._

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MY LIFE IS RUINED!" A scream could be heard from upstairs. The company looked up, shrugged, and went back to talking with one another.

They were interrupted a couple of minutes later by a horrified Kili running down the stairs.

"My beard!" He howled as he covered his bare chin.

Thorin shrugged. "There wasn't much there, anyway."

Kili glared at his uncle. "But its GONE!"

Fili swaggered down the stairs and stopped in front of the company. He faked horror. "KILI! What happened to your beard?"

"Its gone," Kili sobbed.

"But how did it happen?" Fili put a finger to his chin to 'think'. "It almost looked like SOMEBODY put hair removal on your chin last night around eleven….But WHO would do that?!"

Kili, finally getting it, screamed. He chased his laughing brother out the door.

* * *

_56\. I am not allowed to scream 'it' is coming while my brother jumps from the balcony, howling 'I am fire, I am death."_

"ITS COMING!" Kili screamed, standing atop the fountain in the market square. As people turned to him, he pointed dramatically to the Prancing Pony. Fili stood atop a balcony, dressed all in black.

"I AM FIRE!" File cried. "I AM DEATH!" And with that, an eagle appeared and Fili jumped upon it, circling over the town of Bree.

People ran around screaming as 'Smaug' flew above them.

"COME AND GET ME!" Fili screamed. "WHERE IS THE PATHETIC THORIN? I AM WAITING FOR HIM!"

Thorin, who had just happened to be walking out of the Prancing Pony, looked up surprised. He saw his nephew on an eagle screaming things about death.

"FILI?" He howled. "WHAT IS HAPPENING?"

"My eagle!" Gandalf cried, upset. Eagles were HIS thing.

* * *

_57\. I am not allowed to make a list of why elves are better than dwarves. Uncle will never look at me the same._

**_WHY ELVES ARE BETTER THAN DWARVES: A LIST COMPOSED BY FILI AND MR HANDSOME DWARF! (Kili)_**

**_1\. THEY LIVE IN A KINGDOM SURROUNDED BY SPIDERS. They could invent a new game with riding spiders, it would be amazing._**

**_2\. THEY ALL RIDE ELK AND MOOSE. I mean, how amazing would that be?! Ponies are gettin' old over here!_**

**_3\. THEIR KING HAS FROSTY EYEBROWS! OUR king only has normal eyebrows. Lame._**

**_4\. THEY HAVE HOT FEMALES. Meow!_**

**_5\. THEIR DUNGEONS ARE WAY COOLER. Hmmmmmmmm, wonder what kind of torture devices they have…_**

**_6\. THEY SHOOT BOW AND ARROWS! Kili would finally fit in._**

**_7\. THEY ARE ALL BLONDE. Fili would finally fit in._**

**_8\. THEY HAVE PLENTY OF ALCOHOL. Yay!_**

**_9\. THEY DON'T HAVE A DRAGON OCCUPYING THEIR KINGDOM. That is convenient._**

**_10\. And the most important one, THEIR HAIR STAYS PERFECT WHILE THEY FIGHT! I mean, they can go all "I whip my hair back and forth! I whip my hair back and forth!"_**

Fili and Kili waited expectantly at their uncle. He slowly met their eyes, one by one.

"FILI, KILI! HOW DARE YOU! ELVES?"

* * *

**Ta daa! How was it? Did you like it? There were more rules because I haven't updated in awhile and needed to repay y'all! Oh, and I forgot! #48's guest star was Lea, another character from _BrazilianLOTRFan'_s story Supernatural Pools! Esme lent me another one of her characters and I made a rule! Check out her story, its the funniest thing I've ever read!**

**Anywho, what were your favorites? Mine would have to be #48, 50, 53, 54, and 56! I enjoy writing all of them, though! What were yours? I love hearing from you! **

**And if you have the time, I'd love to get a review from you containing a rule, or anything! Or you could PM me! I love writing this story because I get to know so many new people! I thank you all!**

**Today I'm not giving you an equation. I really want to thank every single person who's taken the time to read my story. It's such an honor to think that people like it! I love hearing from everyone, getting favorites and follows, and PMs. So today if I could, I'm giving everyone a big hug and a blueberry cheesecake! I love to bake, and its National Blueberry Cheesecake Day! Happy Blueberry Cheesecake Day to everyone! **

**I love you all so much! Kisses! 3**


	9. 58-66

**I'M ALIVE!  
****Sorry, that was for y'all that thought I had disappeared for a month. I apologize dramatically! I've been having a much busier summer than I thought I would have. But I'm NEVER going to stop writing! So yes, I apologize for the delay, but I'm back! And boy do I have some wacky rules planned for you!  
****Lets see, #61 is from the mind of _TheHaloFreak, _#62 is the amazing idea of _ACreativeHobbit,_ #63 is from _LilyRoseTheDreamer, _#64 is an idea thought of by the dear _cherryberryblablabla, _and lastly, #66 is from _huntressofartemis101_! So I thank all of them for their input and all of you for your patience!  
Love y'all and world peace!  
On with the story! Onward!**

* * *

_58\. I am not allowed to sing '999,999,999 Bottles of Ale on the Wall.' As you can guess, it annoys uncle._

"999,999,999 Bottles of ale on the wall," Fili sang obnoxiously.

"999,999,999 Bottles of ale," Kili added.

"Drink it up, without a cup! 999,999,998 bottles of ale on the wall!"

Thorin rolled his eyes. Even Fili and Kili couldn't count that many. He knew it wouldn't last very long.

A half hour later…

"999,999,899 Bottles of ale on the wall. 999,999,899 Bottles of ale!"

"Drink it up! Without a cup! 999,999,898 Bottles of ale on the wall!"

Thorin groaned, he wasn't expecting that.

One day later…

"999,995,099 Bottles of ale on the wall, 999,995,099 bottles of ale!"

"Drink it up! Without a cup! 999,995,098 Bottles of ale on the wall.

About a week later…..

"2 bottles of ale on the wall, 2 bottles of ale….."

"Drink it up, without a cup!"

"1 Bottle of ale on the wall!"

Thorin stared in amazement at his nephews. They were weird. Must be from their father's side of the family.

* * *

_59\. In reference to rule #21, I am not allowed to set my Rhosgobel Rabbits all over town, somehow communicating to them beforehand that everyone has carrots in their pockets. _

"Run free, Fluffy!"

"We'll miss you, Cutiecicle!"

"Remember the carrots, Arnold!"

"You too, Angeldiddlybop!"

"Numnum! I love you!"

"You the bunny, Woowoodarling!"

"Yea, get them carrots, Sweetiepie!"

"You go, Babykins and Necromanceria!"

"Don't forget what we said, Thorin Jr.!"

Fili and Kili watched in happiness as their rabbits tore around Bree, creating havoc and chaos. People were screaming as the rabbits searched for their carrots.

"They grow up so fast," Kili sobbed into a handkerchief. Which of course was Bilbo's.

* * *

_60\. I am not allowed to hunt for the Necromancer. No matter how much I think I can catch him. (Part One)_

"Let's roll," Fili hissed, motioning to his brother. The two, entirely dressed in black, crept along the stone wall as they inspected.

"Now if I were an entirely evil demon guy that is really weird and terrorizes people for no reason and probably hates bunnies and cupcakes, where would I hide?" Fili asked.

Kili stroked his chin, clearly in deep thought. After a few silent moments, his eyes lit up. "The bakery!" He cried, clearly pleased with his answer.

Fili's brow furrowed, but then he grinned. "Perfect!"

The troublesome brothers took off down the cobblestone street, making a beeline to the quaint little bakery. Hobbits, humans, and dwarves alike were all sitting happily in the sunny little shop.

"Everybody freeze!" Fili screeched. "We know one of you is guilty!" Everyone stopped to look up at the dwarf standing on a table.

"We know one of you is the dreaded Necromancer," Fili continued. "My brother and I-" He then stopped, realizing Kili was missing. He sighed, excusing himself to the kitchen to drag his brother away from the sweets all around him.

"As I was saying," Fili yelled over the confused chatter, "no one is safe from our questionings!"

Five minutes later, the brothers found themselves outside on the curb.

"Well _I _think it went well."

"Shut up."

* * *

_61\. I am not allowed to swear. _

"Why you *&amp;% #!" Kili shouted.

"Me?! Its you that is the %^#~&amp;( problem!" Fili shouted back.

"No, I'm the $# ^&amp; nice one, its you that is (&amp;$^# situation!"

"Oh you did NOT just go there!"

"So what if I ?)^^#*^% did?!"

" #!^&amp;^&amp;!"

")(^%^#^#$ #!&amp;&amp;!"

"&amp;^$ +~ %$ &amp;*!~+()^^!"

" %!$#!$&amp;%*&amp;%(^$^ %$W(&amp; $!&amp;*^&amp;()%^#%$ #^%#$#*(*%%#%^ % $!"

"Fili, Kili!" Thorin hollered. "Stop it! You're rotting my ears!"

"No uncle," Kili shook his head. "We are men! And we can swear!"

Thorin stared at him. "No, neither of you are swearing. You're saying jibberish."

* * *

_62\. I am not allowed to play Matchmaker for my uncle Thorin, no matter how lonely he looks._

"Hey uncleeeeeeeeeee," Fili sang, prancing up to Thorin.

"Yes, Fili?" Thorin asked, choosing to use a careful tone of voice.

"_I _have the perfect lady for you!"

"Mmmmmph?! What?!"

"I've matchmaked you!...Ow ow ow ow! Uncle, you can let go of my ear now..OWWWWW!"

Ten minutes later…..

"Uncllllllllllllllllleeeeeee….."

*Sigh* "Yes Kili?"

"I'VE found you a lovely little lady to settle down with! She's really nice and can probably try and teach YOU to be nice!...Ow, ow, ow…..Uncle! Please don't…."

An hour later…

"Yoo hoo, uncle! I've hooked you up with-"

Two hours later….

"Hiya uncle!"

Thorin's glare said enough.

* * *

_63\. In reference to rule 54, I am not allowed to get my uncle drunk._

"You know, Filiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, I loveeeeeeeeeeee ale!" Thorin slurred, addressing his nephew.

"I agreeeeeeeeeeeeee completelyyyyyyyyyyyy!" Fili laughed, raising his bottle. "Heeeeeeeeeey, that rhymed! Five points for me!"

"No fairrrrr!" Thorin pouted. "Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, I'm thinking of a number!"

"Ummmmmm, is it purple?" Fili asked hopefully.

"YEAH!"

"Coollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll."

"I have sixxxxxxxxxxxxx fingerrrrrrrrrrrrrrs!"

"Reallllllllllllllllllyyyy? I have sevennnnnnn!"

"Yay! Fiveeeeee poiiiiiiiintssssssss toooooo youuuuuuuuuuu!"

"Woooo hoooooooooooo!"

"Anddd nowwwwwwwwwww youuuuuuuu arrrrrrre aaattttt ten poointsssss!"

"And you are at zerrooooooooooooo!"

"Whaaaaat? Nooooooooooooooo, noooot meeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

* * *

_64\. I am not allowed to take my uncle's coat and parade around in it, no matter how much it boosts my 'Sexy Dwarf Status'._

"Hem hem. Here I am." Kili said as he strutted into the room. He turned three times, displaying himself like a model. For he was wearing quite a macho coat…

"Kili!" Thorin roared.

What happened next shall not be repeated.

* * *

_65\. I am not allowed to play 'Number Rhyming', no matter how bored I am._

"Uncle?"

"Hmmmmmmm?"

"I'm thinking of a number that rhymes with borty kate."

*Sigh* " Forty eight."

"Correct! Your turn!"

"Kili! I don't want to play this!"

"But uncllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…."

"Fine! I'm thinking of a number that rhymes with mindey bee." Cue major eye rolling.

"Ninety three!"

"No."

"Really?!"

"Of course its ninety three! This game is pointless."

Awkward silence.

"I'm thinking of a number that rhymes with warty war."

"Kili…...Fine. Forty four."

"Yay! Now how about a number that rhymes with yurty mine."

"Kili, have you ever heard of a game called the silent game?"

* * *

_66\. I am not allowed to ask Nori for borrowing lessons._

"Nori? Hey Nori? Yoo hoo, Nori! Over here! Nori? Nori?! Nori?"

*Sigh* "YES, Kili?"

"Can I have borrowing lessons?"

"...No comment."

* * *

**Ta daaaaaaaaaa! My masterpiece of chapter nine (or is it eight...) is complete! How'd ya like it and what were your favorites? Mine would have to be #58, 59, 63, 65, and 66. Drop a review telling me what you like! And to let you know, next chapter will be a chapter with all the ideas of my fabulous 100th reviewer! All of you are so generous, I never thought I would've gotten 100 reviews and more! THANKS!**

******Thanks so much to everybody who reviewed and took the time to read my story at all! I love you! And to address the question of _Megan, _I WILL be doing more then 60 rules! (Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!) I'm having way too much fun with this story to stop at 60! **

**HAPPY NATIONAL TAPIOCA DAY! WOOO HOOOOOO! GO TAPIOCA! I don't really like tapioca... ah well. **

**See y'all in a couple of weeks! **

**Ta,**

**Olive**


	10. 67-72

**AAAAAAAAAAAH, I AM SOOOOO SORRY! My dears, I cannot express how sorry I am at how overdue this chapter is! I've just been really busy and sort of took a break from writing. It sorta died in me. Buuuuuuut...it has become again! Sorta like a zombie...AAAAAH, I'M A ZOMBIE...sorry. So anywho, have fun reading this one!**

**Sorry I just reposted this chapter because I realized it was sort of hard to read, so I FIXED IT! I CAN FIX IT! Sorry if you thought it was an update...BUT...I'll update this week! Luv y'all!**

**xoxo**

* * *

Chapter 10

_67\. I am not allowed to proceed with a Rain Dance without a shirt on. No matter how much girls will look at me._

"All ready!" Kili said, satisfied with his appearance. Which meant he had no shirt on.

Grinning, the young Durin trotted down the stairs and out of the Prancing Pony to the busy cobblestone streets of Bree. People were bustling around, merrily greeting one another and making bargains. How quaint.

Not for long.

Chin up, Kili trotted to the town square and onto the fountain where many stunts done by him and his brother had taken place.

Clearing his throat, and, of course, glancing to make sure there were girls watching him, Kili began to jump up and down.

"MAKE IT RAIN," he screamed, starting a war dance around and around the fountain.

"RAIN RAIN RAIN RAIN!" People indeed had stopped to stare, and were clapping him on.

"Bring it on, Sky!" The prince continued to do his version of a rain dance.

His audience had started to get into his groove, chanting with him: "RAIN RAIN RAIN RAIN!"

But before Kili could get to the grand finale, a hand grabbed him and dragged him away.

"So how are you today, uncle?" He asked cheerily, not looking up.

* * *

_68\. Next time, I will listen to my uncle when he tells me not to try and slay a dragon with my bare hands._

'_Now remember, Fili. Never, under any circumstances, try and slay a dragon with your bare hands.'_

Fili was surprised that the memory of his uncle telling him those words of wisdom came to him. It was quite random.

He pondered trying to kill a dragon at all. He grinned, it sounded like fun. He reached for his sword, ready to go find a dragon to kill, but realized it was missing.

Fili rolled his eyes, remembering that he gave his sword to his younger brother to make Kili look more macho for the ladies.

Shrugging, he decided he'd just have to use his hands.

Ten minutes later…..

"Uncle, uncle! I've killed a dragon!" Fili cried. "Come and look!"

Thorin, grumpily, left his conversation with Dori and Bofur to follow his nephew.

"Wait, how did you kill a dragon?" Thorin asked curiously. "I saw Kili with your sword earlier."

"I killed it with my bare hands!" Fili explained. He flexed his muscles importantly.

"Whoa whoa whoa. Stop right there," Thorin growled, grabbing his nephew and spinning him around. "I thought I told you never to do that!"

Fili shook his head, laughing. "Oh, uncle! When did you ever tell me-" He stopped, remembering. "Ohhhhhhhh…."

"And better yet, where did you ever find a dragon?" Thorin narrowed his eyes.

"Behold! Here we are!" Fili exclaimed, ignoring his uncle's question. Laying in the clearing, looking quite dead, was a…

"A salamander?" Thorin snorted. "Your dragon is a salamander?"

"It is a dragon," Fili said haughtily. "And I killed it!"

"Your dragon is about as real as Kili's pet unicorn!" By that point, Thorin was already walking back, clutching his stomach with laughter.

"It's a dragon," Fili muttered grumpily. He turned to the lizard. "And I killed you- oh, wait. You don't look very dead….hehe…..nice lizard? AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! GET OFF ME!"

* * *

_69\. There will never be a time when elves are cooler than dwarves. I am not allowed to tell my uncle that elves are cooler than dwarves and I want to join them._

"Yes, I think it is agreed." Fili nodded to his brother. "We have come to our decision."

"Yes," Kili nodded back officially. "Pancakes are better than waffles."

"Yes- wait what?" Fili shook his head. "NO! That was our LAST decision."

Kili knit his brows together, then allowed himself to grin. "OH YEAH! I remember our decision now!"

"Let's go tell him!"

Five minutes later….

"Uncle, we have a serious matter to discuss with you." Fili looked seriously at Thorin. Kili just stood in the background, nodding sternely.

"Yes, what is it, boys?" Their uncle looked at them, bemused.

"We have come to an important decision that…."

"Yes?" Thorin asked.

"Thaaaat…."

"Yes?"

"Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat…."

"Fili."

"Sorry. That….."

"Oh my gosh."

"That elves are cooler than dwarves and Kili and I want to become elves and let our long bouncy hair flow in the wind as we shoot arrows into the sunset, riding on our moose named Barry and Fluffiefinke."

Five minutes later….

"Well, that went better than I imagined it to be!" Kili exclaimed as he was tied next to his brother, slowly being roasted over the fire by their uncle.

* * *

_70\. I am not allowed to use Ori's notebook as a firestarter. _

"Alright, we're almost done with our bonfire that will bring the Ainur down. Then we can finally convince them to make us gods when we die!" Fili exclaimed, clearly fond and proud of his plan.

"You are such a genius." Kili stared at his brother in awe. "I hope one day I will inherit your brains!"

"If he has any," Thorin muttered from beside them, clearly not wanting to be there. His nephews had dragged him and the whole company there for NO REASON at all.

"Oh I do, uncle, don't you worry! And I even found a firestarter to begin the sacred fire of making us gods!" Fili triumphantly held up Ori's sketchbook.

Ori screamed and fainted.

* * *

_71\. Nori is not in the Company to break me out of my room every time I displease my uncle. _

"Pssst, hey Nori!" Fili hissed.

Nori stopped walking down the hall and turned to Fili's room where he saw the prince peeking through the little window on his door.

"Yes Fili?"

"Can you bust me out? Uncle locked me in here for making paper snowflakes out of his map."

"Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…..sure." Nori shrugged.

"Hey Nori?"

Nori turned to look for where the voice was coming from to see Kili looking at him through his door's window.

"Huh?"

"Can you pick the lock of my door? Uncle locked me in here for stealing his sword, again, to impress the ladies, again."

"Meh. Okay."

"Yoo hoo! Nori?"

Nori rolled his eyes as he turned towards Fili's door to find both the young princes staring at him through the little window.

"Bail us out? Uncle locked us in here for starting an elf only dance party."

"Hey Nori?"

Nori, looking forward, walked straight past the door and down the hall. Ignoring Fili and Kili's pleas.

* * *

_72\. I am not allowed to tease Bilbo because he has furry feet. _

"Haha, you have furry feet!" Fili snickered to Bilbo.

"Yes, yes I do," Bilbo replied, slightly annoyed.

"You can't wear shoeeeeeeees!"

"Luckily."

"You have furry feeeeeeeeeeeeet!"

"Yes."

"You can't wear shoessssssssssss!"

"Fili."

"You have furry feeeeeeeet!"

"I am a hobbit, so yes."

"You can't wear shoesssssssssss!"

"If you don't shut up, I personally throw you into Smaug's lair and let him feast on you."

"Haha, you sound like Uncleeeeeeeeeeeee!"

* * *

**...So how did you like it? All the ideas were thought up by my dear friend Scarlet Pimpernel00 ! Thanks and a huge shoutout to Scarlet for being my lovely 100th reviewer! Remember, if you want a whole chapter filled with your own ideas, be my 150th reviewer!**

**Which ones were your favorite? I can hardly decide! Leave a review, favorite, or follow! And another major thanks to anyone who followed, favorited, reviewed, or even read this story! Luv y'all! Don't forget to leave me an idea or two about a rule!**

**Soooo... **

**Reviews+Follows+Favorites+Chocolate chips x James and Oliver Phelps / by happiness= HAPPY OLIVE! Make...most of that come true by favoriteing (STILL NOT A WORD) following, and reviewing this chapter! UNLESS...You wanted to go all out and send me chocolate chips, being happy, and giving me James and Oliver Phelps, then I won't stop you! Really. I won't. Not at all. Really.**

**Potatoes gonna potate, tomatoes gonna tomate, Olives gonna Olive. See ya by the next update!**


	11. 73-79

**Did I update within a week? Noooooooo, not meeeeeeeeeeeeee! Just kidding, I did! Whoooooooo! I felt bad about not updating for a month, so I decided to update before I left for camp tomorrow! Whooooooo! Go Olive! This is a real accomplishment for me, if ya haven't noticed! GOLD STAR FOR OLIVE! Anywho, back to reality...#73 was the idea of _jaymzNshed_, #75 was the great idea of _cherryberryblablabla_, #76 is part two of _jesslyoko324_'s idea, and #78 was the lovely idea of _Roxygirl_! Whoooooo! Enjoy!_  
_**

* * *

Chapter 11

_73\. I am not allowed to draw my fellow company members. No matter how hard I believe I am the next Picasso. _

"Hem hem," Fili cleared his throat, arousing the attention of the company members.

"Well that's never a good sign," Bofur mumbled, swiveling in his chair.

"I, a newly blooming artist," many of the dwarves snorted at that comment. "Have decided to draw my fourth favorite thing!"

"And that is?" Dwalin raised his eyebrow. "And why your fourth favorite thing?"

"Well my first favorite thing, ladies, are too hard to draw, plus they expect too much of me. My second favorite thing, ale, is not a very interesting subject of art. My third favorite thing, jackalopes, have never been spotted before, so I don't know what they look like!"

"So…..?"

"So I decided to draw my fourth favorite thing, you guys!" Fili exclaimed, clapping his hands. "Though you weren't my first choice," he added.

"So we've heard," Nori grumbled, rolling his eyes.

"...Taa daaaaaaaaa!"

The company leaned in…..and gaped in horror at the crude 'masterpiece' the prince had drawn of them.

"WHY, is my beard braided with flowers?" Dwalin growled.

"It expresses you!" Fili exclaimed.

"Why do I have a red hat on with a red coat and white fur everywhere?" Balin knit his eyebrows together.

"You look like Santa!" Fili said, as if that were the only logical explanation.

"What am I sitting on?" Dori muttered.

"A giant teapot!" Fili beamed.

Bifur grunted something in Khuzdul.

Fili gasped. "How dare you?! Such language, Bifur!"

"What is sprouting out of my ear?!" Oin cried.

"Your ear trumpet!"

"It's the size of a horse!"

"Details, details!"

"Why do I have whiskers and a bunny tail?" Ori sounded befuddled.

"Oh, hehe…...I was meaning to erase that….."

"Why is my face red?" Gloin growled.

"To match your hair?"

"What are those shiny things in my pockets?" Nori looked confused.

"Some shiny stuff you stole!'

"What is that stuff growing out of my feet?!" Bilbo was bemused.

"Hobbit hair. Dah."

"Why am I a circle?" Bombur grumbled.

"..."

* * *

_74\. I am not allowed to turn into Olaf the Snowman. _

"Hello, friends!" I like warm hugs!" Kili waddled into the room, dressed all in white with a carrot protruding from the tip of his nose.

Dwalin choked on his ale so hard that Thorin had to pat him heavily on the back. "What're you wearing?!" He gasped.

Kili cocked his head, bemused. "What?" Then turning to Ori, he whispered, "he's craaaazy."

"Kili, why do you look like….." Thorin started.

"A snowman?" Nori snorted.

"Because I am one!" Kili beamed. "Hi everyone. I'm Olaf! And I like warm hugs!"

Thorin rolled his eyes. "Have you been talking to that weird girl that claims she's from the future…..again?!"

"...Maaaaaaaayyyybeeeeeeeeee…."

"Let's go," Thorin rolled his eyes.

"Let it goooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

"Goo?"

"No, go."

"Nogo?"

"Let's go bring back SUMMER!"

"We're taking you to Gandalf," Thorin got up. With the assistance of Dwalin, they managed to grab Kili by the arms and drag him away. "He'll do something, maybe hit you on the head and set you right again."

"I bet he's the nicest, gentlest, warmest person ever!"

Five minutes later…

"I'm sorry, but I just don't see anything wrong with him," Gandalf shook his head and turned to see Kili mumbling about a baby unicorn. "He just wants to be a snowman."

"Fine," Thorin grumbled. "Let's go, Kili-I mean Olaf!"

Kili beamed.

"So, do you have a special someone?" 'Olaf' wriggled his eyebrows.

Thorin stopped in his tracks. "NO! No more matchmaking from you or your brother!"

"I have a brother?!" Kili gasped. "Anyway, I think I will go find you someone to love!"

"And why on earth would you do that?" Thorin snorted.

"I like to consider myself a love expert." Kili replied solomnly.

Thorin and Dwalin snorted again.

"So I'll go find you someone right now-OOOH, there's one!" And with that, Kili bolted off, carrot nose and all.

"KILI," Thorin roared as he charged on after.

"HANDS DOWN, THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE…...AND POSSIBLY MY LAST!"

* * *

_75\. I am not allowed to talk about my uncle's nonexistent love life. He doesn't appreciate it as much as I would've expected. _

"I bet that someday you, uncle, will find love!" Kili beamed at his uncomfortable uncle.

"Yes, and she'll be very nice and warm and caring and smart and loving…." Fili added.

"Which is the opposite of you…" Kili continued.

"So she'll complete you!"

"Loving and nice…."

"With bitter and mean…."

"Equals soulmates!"

"Unless she decides you're too mean…"

"Especially to your nephews….."

"Then she'll leave you for…."

"Dori!"

"And they'll be very happy and start a tea shop called….."

"NOTHORINLOVE!"

"...Yeah…..Anywho!"

"You'll be left all alone…."

"Sitting in your lonely castle…."

"All alone…."

"With all that gold…"

"Alone…."

"And no one….."

"Alone….."

"So, since you're so lonely…"

"You decide to give your castle to your loving nephews…"

"US!"

"And you leave…."

"To start a bakery!"

"But it just so happens that your bakery….."

"Is right across the road from…"

"NOTHORINLOVE!"

"So you become grumpy…."

"Well, grumpier than usual, at least…"

"And turn into a jackalope!"

"..."

* * *

_76\. In reference to rule 25, I am not allowed to ride my unicorn all over Bree, chasing Ori._

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Ori screamed as he fled for his life.

"You can run, but you can never hide from Mr Flufferdoodle!" Kili screamed back as he pursued the fleeing dwarf on his 'unicorn.'

Mr Flufferdoodle whinnied.

"Mr Flufferdoodle says that you took his favorite cupcake and smashed it! So now he's after revengeeeeeeee!" Kili continued.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Ori screamed back.

"Mr Flufferdoodle doesn't like your attitude."

Mr Flufferdoodle snorted as he galloped.

"Mr Flufferdoodle appreciates your confidence, but says that you will never outrun him."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"OH, we almost forgot! Mr Flufferdoodle says that you ALSO took his magical horseshoe, the pink sparkly one, that could transport us to Unicornatopia!"

"Wait, what?" Ori skitted to a halt, only to be crashed into by a very malicious 'unicorn.'

* * *

_77\. I am not allowed to introduce Christmas to the company._

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" Fili and Kili burst into the room, dressed in red, white and green, throwing tinsel everywhere.

Thorin took one look at the princes and said, "you've been talking to that future girl, Olive, again, haven't you?"

"Whaaaaaat? Nooo, not meeeeeeeeeeee!"

"Fili."

"Fine. Yes."

"But Christmas is SOOOOOOO fun!" Kili exclaimed.

"Yeah, we get presents!"

"OOH and cookies!"

"Coookkkkieeesssssss," Bombur sighed.

"OOH, AND WE'LL SING YOU OUR VERY SPECIAL CHRISTMAS SONG!" Fili and Kili exclaimed together and burst into song.

_Thorin shouts_

'_Are ya listening?'_

'_Our Christmas tree,'_

'_Is a missing!'_

_We need Fili and Kili,_

_Yes, really!_

_It is a winter mystery!_

Thorin stared at the boys who, at the moment, were bowing.

"What? Those lyrics didn't even make any sense!"

Fili shrugged. "It was an adapted version of the song Winter Wonderland that Olive taught us."

"Now everybody, let us gather by the chimney!" Kili clapped.

"Yeah! We need to wait for Santa and his elves to come and bring presents!"

"ELVES?" Thorin bellowed, turning red.

"You really shouldn'tve mentioned that," Kili mumbled to his brother.

* * *

_78\. I am not allowed to dye Gandalf's robes pink. No matter how much I've always wanted to call him 'Gandalf the Pink.'_

"DWARVESSSSSSSSSSSS!" Gandalf bellowed as he stomped into the Prancing Pony, pink robes billowing behind him. Pink?...

"PINK?" Gandalf shouted. "Who dyed my robes PINK?!"

Fili and Kili snickered.

"BOYS?" Gandalf rounded on them.

"Sorry Gandalf!" Fili cried.

"It's just that…" Kili began.

"We've always wanted to call you….."

"Gandalf….."

"The…."

"Pink!" They chorused together, beaming.

Five minutes later, Fili and Kili were pink toads.

"Well, that went better than I expected!" Kili croaked to his brother.

* * *

_79\. I am not allowed to start a 'Nephew Appreciation Day.'_

"No." Thorin said as his nephews strolled into the room with signs saying '**Join us today on Nephew Appreciation Day!**'

* * *

**WHOOOOOOOOOO! (You guys really need to limit my 'Whooooo!'ing abilities) So how'd ya like it?**

**What were your favs? I like #73 75, 76, and 77. How about you? I luuuuuurve hearing from you! And don't forget to send any of your ideas, I love letting y'all have a say in my story! OH, AND I'VE DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING NEW! If you want me to reply to your review, (BTW, I love doing this!) put a 'R' in the corner of your review! I love responding! ALSO, leave a review if you want me to do a bonus chapter of how I met Fili and Kili! I'm excited!**

**AND DON'T FORGET, IF YOU'RE MY 150TH REVIEWER, YOU GET A WHOLE CHAPTER OF YOUR OWN IDEAS!**

**See y'all next week when I get back! REVIEW!**

**Tomatoes gonna tomate, Potatoes gonna potate, Olives gonna Olive!**

**Luv ya!**


	12. 80-86

**Hello my darlings! I'm back after being stuck for over a week in South Dakota! Well...actually I was on vacation there...but I FELT stuck! So here I am, finally back safe in Minnesota, at 11:30 at night, (I should really get to bed), writing this chapter for you! BECAUSE I LOVE YA SO MUCH! I really do! I seriously cannot process how much gratitude and love I have for all of my reviewers and followers! Special shoutout to _LavenderCrystalOfRoses _for reviewing almost all of my chapters! Also another shoutout to _VG Fan 1 _is posted in my author's note at the end of the chapter! So #80 was the lovely idea of _Thorinfiliandkili4ever, _#81 was brilliantly thought up by _jaymzNshed, _#83 was a hilarious idea of _fee, _#84 was thought up by the lovely _LavenderCrystalOfRoses, #85_ is from _VG Fan 1, _and lastly, #86 was thought of by _Grace. _**

**OOH, I ALMOST FOGOT! I've decided that I'm going to make my updates be a regular thing! Starting next week, every Thursday will be FILI AND KILI NONSENSE DAY! (The day I update my story!) I love to make people laugh and be happy with this story, especially because of all the chaos that's happening in the world right now. So now I hope that you'll have a day to look forward to! (THURSDAY!)**

**Enjoy!**

**P.S. I looked up _NOTHORINLOVE _to see if there was actually something called that and the only thing that popped up was a FanFiction link to chapter 11 of my story! How about that! I came up with an original name! Cool! Seriously, look it up! Then, if you review, tell me that you looked it up! Then I'll send you some virtual cookies in a PM message! My gift to you! (By virtual cookies, I mean (::) (::) )**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 12

_80\. I am not allowed to send Bilbo into a situation with trolls without providing backup. Our burglar really doesn't appreciate it._

"A-Are you sure it's safe?" Bilbo stuttered, eyes wide.

"Of course it is," Kili scoffed. "Why on earth would it not be?"

"Because you two are sending me to do it," Bilbo muttered, shooting a glare at the princes.

"Relax, Bilbo!" Fili grinned. "These are very _nice _trolls! They love hobbits! So that's why we're sending _you!_"

"So all I have to do is get your sword?" Bilbo asked Kili nervously. He then frowned. "How _did _your sword end up in the hands of trolls?"

Fili frowned too. "Yeah, I was wondering the same thing myself."

Kili blushed. "I was practicing sword throwing…..To impress the ladies?"

Fili and Bilbo rolled their eyes. "Typical Kili," they muttered.

"Anyway,"Kili continued, hoping to get the awkward attention off of him. "Do your magic burglar skills, Bilbo!"

"Yeah! We'll be right behind you!" Fili exclaimed.

Bilbo nodded and rose from their hiding spot. He tiptoed into the clearing, looking for the hobbit-loving trolls. Not seeing them, but instead spotted the sword. Shrugging, Bilbo trotted over.

"Whadda we have 'ere?" A grating voice pierced the air. Bilbo slowly turned to see two scowling trolls.

Bilbo smiled nervously. "Er, hi, trolls!" They frowned. "Hi hobbit loving trolls?" He said feebly.

"We hate hobbits," the other troll growled.

"Oh," Bilbo said. "Well, I'm just gonna take this sword and be on my way….."

The two trolls looked at each other, shrugged and grabbed the hobbit.

"BACKUP!" Bilbo screamed. Then looking at the trolls, he smirked. "Just wait until my backup shows up! They'll kick your butts and then we'll see who's laughing…"

Two awkward minutes later and no backup had shown up.

"I really hate those boys," Bilbo muttered as he was slowly roasted over a fire.

* * *

_81\. I am not allowed to have a drinking competition with my brother._

"On your marks, get set….GO!" Ori screamed.

Fili and Kili grabbed their ales and began to drink greedily.

"What're those two doing?" Thorin grumbled to Ori as he strolled into the room.

"Drinking competition," Ori replied, not taking his eyes off the brothers. "Kili's on his third and Fili's on his forth."

"Morons," Thorin grumbled.

The Durin boys continued their thorough drinking, splashing ale everywhere.

Finally…

"Fili wins!" Ori screamed. "Twenty seven ales!"

"Whooptidoo," Fili crowed, eyes going cross. "I won!"

"Nooooooooooooo!" Kili shrieked. "Youuuu losttttttttt!"

"Whaaaaaaaat? Noooooooo, not meeeeeeeeee!"

"Yeeeeeeees youuuuuuuu!"

"Not meeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"Yeeeeeeees youuuuuuuuu!"

"Couldn't be!"

"Than who?"

"UNCLE!"

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?"

* * *

_82\. I am not allowed to befriend girls from the future. No matter how amazingly, thrillingly, totally, beautifully brilliant they are._

Fili and Kili sat, fuming, in a bakery. Plates and plates of donuts sat around them in an arc.

"Tough day, huh?" The girl sitting next to them asked.

"You have no idea," Fili grumbled, viciously tearing at the donut with his teeth.

"Yeah," Kili growled. He tried to mimic his brother and rip at the donut, but all he managed to do was get icing on his nose, chin, and forehead.

The girl smirked. "You have something right-there." She motioned to her whole face.

Fili and Kili stopped their donut-demolishing to get a good look at her. She was tall with dark brown hair in an angular cut brushing her collarbone and a long neck. She sat on her stool with an innovated slouch to her. Long fingers tapped the countertop next to her plate and big brown eyes stared at them with a calmness but also a snap.

She stuck out her hand. "I'm Olive."

"It's nice to meet you,Olive," Fili said politely and curiously. "I'm-"

"Fili. Your name is Fili. And that's your brother Kili."

The princes gawked at her. She stared back at them, confused, then remembered.

"Oh! I forgot!" Olive facepalmed. "I'm from the future!"

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?" Fili asked, bemused.

"Really?!" Kili breathed.

She nodded. "Yup. From the land of McDonalds, iPhones, big egos, bald eagles, and pollution that I like to call America 2014."

"Wow, sounds amazing!" Kili exclaimed. "Who's McDonald?"

"Someone who started a chain of restaurants that you are lucky to never have tried. Anyway, you two are pretty famous in our world today."

"We are?" Fili cried, all suspicion gone. "Cool!" He and his brother high-fived. "There's one more thing to cross off our bucket list!"

"Yup!" Olive replied, amused at their excitement. "There's even a movie about your journey."

"Cool!" Kili grinned, then frowned. "What's a movie?"

"Not important. But my friend Gillian is obsessed with you guys!"

"I'd like to meet this 'Gillian' you speak of," Fili said solomnly. Kili nodded enthusiastically.

"Anyway, what's up with you guys? You were pretty angry a minute ago."

Fili and Kili, remembering that they were mad five minutes ago, resumed their old mood.

"Uncle," Fili scowled.

"Yeah!" Kili exclaimed. "He got mad at us JUST because we put him in a "Life Threatening Position" when we sent an army of brownies up to his room. But Twinkie and the guys just wanted to say 'hi' to him!"

"That sucks," Olive sighed. "You should get a cronut. It'll make you feel better."

Fili knit his eyebrows together. "A cronut?"

Olive pointed to her plate. "A cronut." Sure enough, a flaky cronut rested on her plate. "A mix of a donut and a croissant. A match made in heaven!"

"Yuuuuummmmmmmm!" Kili reached for the cronut, mesmerized, but Olive swatted his hand away.

"My cronut!" She exclaimed. "My precious!" She hissed. Fili and Kili stared at her and she shrugged. "You'll get that later."

"I'll have three cronuts!" Kili cried to a worker at the bakery.

"I'll have four!" Fili exclaimed.

As the cronuts were whipped out of the kitchen and to a plate which sat in front of the princes, Fili and Kili looked to Olive.

"Care to join us for some more cronuts?" He asked sweetly. "We have alot to discuss with you!"

* * *

_83\. I am not allowed to dress like a girl and try to woo Ori. _

"Hello," Kili giggled as he pranced up to Ori, dressed like a girl. Adorned in a blue dress and a white purse he borrowed from Olive, along with makeup, he looked like a real girl.

Ori blushed. "Do I know you?" He stuttered, looking Kili up and down.

"No, but I'm sure you'll want to," he replied flirtatiously. "The name's…..Kil….et…...a...na…..Kiletana! That's my name! Don't wear it out!"

Ori just stared at him a look of awe on his face.

After a long and awkward pause, 'Kiletana' cleared his, I MEAN HER, throat. "And what's yours, big boy?!"

"O-Ori," the shy dwarf stuttered.

"Hmmmmmm," Kili tapped his feminine chin. "Too hard to remember. Can I call you Orio?"

It took a moment for it to sink in, but then Ori's eyes lit up furiously. "KILIIIIIIII!" He screamed as he began to chase the prince down the cobblestone streets.

"That's Kiletana to you!"

* * *

_84\. I am not allowed to tell Bombur's #1 fan that Dori ate her character. _

"Hey, there's that girl again, Bombur!" Fili exclaimed, nudging the big dwarf.

Bombur, still laughing from a joke that Bofur told him, turned around on his seat at the bar to follow Fili's finger. Immediately, the smile melted off his face as he saw the very girl Fili was pointing too.

"Isn't she your number one fan, Bombur? The one that follows you around all the time, saying that she loves you…." Fili stopped looking at the girl and turned around to look at Bombur. But Bombur, with a tremendous leap, flipped over the bar and behind it.

Sighing, Fili stood on his stool and leaned over the bar to see Bombur cowering in fright.

"Don't worry, Bomby!" He grinned. I still owe you after that time you helped me and my brother escape out of that third floor window!" **(Rule #23) **"So I'll distract her and you bolt!"

Bombur, startled, could only nod in reply.

Giving him a thumbs up, Fili jumped off his stool and strolled over to the girl. She had a crazed look in her eyes and a wicked smile.

"Hey, I know you! Aren't you that fan of my dear ol' friend Bombur?"

The girl, startled, nodded enthusiastically.

Fili began to fake cry. "TOO BAD! He's dead!" Fake sobs wracking his body, he continued. "Our thought-to-be-friend…...DORI! Yes Dori….he at him! Yes! Dori ate him!"

The girl began to sob horribly for five seconds, then raised her head, revenge flashing in her eyes. "HE…..WILL…...DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

And with that, the Bombur-crazed fan took off, screaming: "DORI! YOU SHALL DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! YOU KILLED MY BOMBY!"

"Sorry Dori!" Fili cried, waving. "I owe ya one!"

* * *

_85\. I am not allowed to mysteriously sneak a unicorn into my uncle's room while he's sleeping. Laughing in the doorway really won't make the situation any better._

A happily sleeping Thorin was dreaming about a catapult that could shoot his nephews back to the Blue Mountains….And was awoken to heavy breathing in his face. Grumbling, he sat up in bed, rubbed his eyes, and screamed.

For there, standing in his room, eating his coat and sucking on the hilt of his sword, was a unicorn.

"BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" The king screamed, jumping so high that he hit his head and fell onto the floor. The unicorn stared down at him and continued his eating.

The king heard snickering from the doorway and didn't even need to look to confirm who it was.

"Fili! Kili!"

"Hey, why does Kili always get more exclamation points than I do at the end of his name?!"

"...You've been talking to that Olive girl again, haven't you?"

"Maaaaaaaaaybeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…."

* * *

_86\. I am not allowed to try to 'ride the Legendary Giant Seahorse' and have to get rescued by my uncle. _

"I don't see any giant seahorse," Kili grumbled as he looked down. There he was, in the middle of a lake, treading water, looking for his seahorse.

"Stay where you are, I repeat, stay where you are! I am coming down to get you!" A voice magnified called from up above. Kili looked up to see his very grumpy uncle circling the lake on an equally grumpy eagle.

Two minutes later, Kili found himself in the claws of the grouchy eagle.

"I still didn't see any giant seahorse," the prince growled, resting his chin in his hands angrily. Then he looked up to his uncle. "On a brighter note, at least Gandalf lent you an eagle, uncle!"

* * *

**TAAAAAAA DAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! How'd you like it?**

**So thank you to _VG Fan 1,_ for asking me to reply to your review! Since you were a guest review, I couldn't PM you. BUT I'm replying right here! Thanks so much for your lovely reviews and great input! I'm glad to make the Durin brothers make you laugh! My head is like a cauldron bubbling with nonsense! I'm surprised you and anyone who reads my stories can actually understand me! But I'm super glad I can brighten your day, your reviews brighten mine! And...CONGRATS! YOU, VG FAN 1, ARE THE 150TH REVIEWER TO THIS STORY! THAT MEANS YOU GET A WHOLE CHAPTER WORTH OF RULES! START THINKING AND THEN REVIEW THEM TO ME! Luv ya!**

**So what were your favorites? Mine were # 80, 82, 85, and 86! What were yours? Review or PM to tell me! I love hearing from you! And if you want me to reply to your reviews, just leave an 'R' at the bottom of your review, just like VG Fan 1 did, and I'll reply to you! Don't forget that I also love to get ideas for rules from you guys! My mind can only stretch so far, I need you guys to help me!**

**So...yeah! I'll stop talking now. But thanks so much to all my wonderful reviewers, followers, and favoriters! I love you all and it kills me that I can't talk to every single one of you induvidually! But I'd love get to know you all! PM me! Anyway, to show my love to everyone who reads my story, I'm giving you all blueberry popsicles! HERE! *Hands out popsicles enthusiastically* HAPPY NATIONAL BLUEBERRY POPSICLE DAY! It's still that since it's 11:58 right now for me!**

**TAAAAAAA!**


	13. 87-93

**Hi guys, Olive here! Did I promise, or did I promise! Like I said, I updated on Thursday! And I will be updating every other Thursday! Fili and Kli Nonsense Day, I like to call it! So this chapter are all the ideas of _VG Fan 1_, for being my lovely 150th reveiwer! Most credit goes to them! So thanks so much to everyone who reviewed! Special shoutouts to anyone who looked up NOTHORIN LOVE! And shoutout to _BillThePony_! It's cool that we live in the same state! And thanks, I'm glad I'm one of your favorite authors! :) It made my day!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 13.

_87\. I am not allowed to try to play an instrument. Music is not a talent of mine. Really. And no one wants to hear it. _

Fili nodded at his brother. The two were standing in the room, gong and trumpet in hand, grinning down at the snoozing company.

"On three," he whispered. "One, two, THREE!"

And with that, Kili blew on his trumpet as loud as he could, in his uncle's ear. The sleeping dwarves woke with a violent start.

Thorin screeched as his eardrums were blasted with the horrid sound his nephew was producing. Ori fell out of his chair and rolled five feet. Dori glared at the brothers. Fili banged his gong. Nori jumped four feet in the air. Balin looked annoyed. Fili banged his gong again. A very drunk Dwalin continued to sleep peacefully.

And, of course, Fili banged his gong.

* * *

_88\. I am not allowed to wonder what came first, the chicken or the egg. Even if I wonder really hard!_

Kili frowned. Kili sighed. Kili pondered. Kili rolled his eyes. Kili tapped his fingers. Kili sat. Kili thought. Kili frowned.

"Hey Kee! Er, whatcha doing?" Fili came swaggering into the room smiling, bemused, at his brother. "Why are you just sitting on that chair?"

"This is my thinking chair, I'm doing some thinking," Kili replied seriously.

His brother cocked his head. "About what? And since when have you had a thinking chair? Since when have you thought?"

"I think alot, thank you very much," Kili huffed. "And I've had a thinking chair since….ten minutes ago."

"And what are you thinking about?"

"I'm thinking about…...er….which came first! The chicken or the egg?"

"Really?"

"Yes! Now don't bother my thinking pattern here!"

"Since when do you have a thinking pattern?"

"Since now?"

*Sigh* "Kee?"

"I'M THINKING, QUIET!"

"Kee?"

"Fine. What?"

"You've glued yourself to a chair, haven't you?"

"Yes."

"Kili! That's the-actually, that's a new one."

* * *

_89\. I am not allowed to ride my company members, claiming them to be horses. Nor am I allowed to name them._

"Giddeyap!" Fili cried as he jumped onto the back of an unsuspecting Dwalin.

"Away!" Kili cried in delight as he leapt onto a very angry Thorin's back.

"What on earth are you doing?" Dwalin growled, trying to shake the young Durin prince off.

"Get off me," Thorin grumbled, angrily tapping Kili's foot.

"No time to talk, ThorThor! We must ride off into the sunset!"

"Away, Dwalpolina! Away!" Fili kicked Dwalin in the side in attempt to make him go. It only made the warrior fall over and onto Fili.

"You aren't very good horses," Fili wheezed.

* * *

_90\. I am not allowed to prank the burglar. Seriously, our hobbit cannot handle anything. He'll just faint, as usual._

"Hey Bilbo, can you come here for a minute," Fili grinned slyly.

The hobbit nodded cheerfully and trotted over. "Sure, what's up?"

"I need you to smell my cheese for me." Fili said seriously, jestering to his enormous block of cheese sitting rather voluminously on the table.

"That's a lot of cheese," the hobbit mumbled. Then he frowned. "And why do you need me to smell your cheese?"

"To see if it's good. Dah."

"But why me?" Bilbo still wasn't convinced.

"Er, hobbits have very good smell. They can tell if something is good or not!"

"Really? Haven't heard that one before," he muttered.

"So…...smell it."

"But do you really need to know?"

"Yes. I really need to know."

"But-"

"Dammit, Bilbo! Just smell the cheese!"

"Okay, okay!" Bilbo leaned down to sniff at the cheese when a hand exploded out of the hunk of cheese. It swiped the air a couple times before finding its mark, the poor hobbit's face. The hand lightly slapped his face two or three times before slipping back into the cheese.

Bilbo screamed. "Your cheese is haunted!" His eyes crossed. "Your cheese is haunted…." And with that, the hobbit promptly fainted.

Kili emerged from under the table, wiping his hands off. He stopped when he saw the crumpled hobbit. He looked at his brother.

"Time for the escape plan?"

"Yes. To the hills we go!"

* * *

_91\. I am not allowed to play possum. Even if its for good reason. Which it is. Naturally._

Thorin was walking down the hall to check on the princes in their room. He had put them under house arrest….again, for bungee jumping off the roof…...again.

As he neared them room, he was surprise to find that no sound was being emitted from the normally noisy room.

Now suspicious, Thorin crept with caution to the room and opened the door quickly.

He was surprised to find Fili and Kili lying on the ground, not moving. The king rolled his eyes.

"Boys, get off the floor." No response.

"Up. Now." Zilch.

"Are you alright?" Nothing.

"Speak." Nada.

Thorin was starting to worry. "Are you okay?"

He tiptoed into the room and nudged Fili's head with the toe of his boot.

The blonde prince's eyes snapped open with a start. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" He screamed.

Kili jumped off the floor and tackled his uncle. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Thorin screamed as he wrestled his youngest nephew off him.

"Oh, its just uncle," Fili rolled his eyes. "You can get off him, Kili."

Nodding and rolling his eyes too, Kili got off the ground.

"What was that?!" Thorin panted, sitting up and glaring at the two.

"Training," Fili said brightly.

Thorin raised an eyebrow. "Training?"

"Yes, we were pretending to be possums and attack our enemies. So we pretended to play dead and hope that our enemies came by so we could attack them."

"But only I came by," Thorin frowned.

"Exactly."

The king's eye twitched.

"Run," Fili whispered urgently.

* * *

_92\. I am not allowed to hunt for the legendary Bigfoot. No matter how certain I am that he exists._

"Fili, look!" Kili hissed to his brother, pointing at the ground. There, sure enough, was a huge footprint. The two brothers were having a field day in the woods.

Fili stroked his chin. "What could it be from? Perhaps something or someone with…...a big foot?"

It took a couple of minutes for that to sink in before Kili's eyes lit up and he shouted: "Bigfoot! It must be from the legendary Bigfoot!"

And with that, the prince continued to follow the trail of footprints. Fili, not wanting to be left alone, shrugged and followed his brother.

After five minutes of following the trail, Kili came to a stop and held up his hand.

"The trail ends here," he murmured. At that exact moment, there was some rustling from inside a bush where the footprints ended.

"Bigfoot," Kili hissed. And with a cry of: "This is Sparta!", the young prince charged into the brush and tackled…...their burglar.

* * *

_93\. I am not allowed to take Gandalf's stuff, walk out and onto a street and yell: 'You Shall Not Pass' to the onlookers. It's not a very good idea._

_"Welml,_ we got the stuff!" Fili said proudly, surveying the staff, hat, and robes.

"Yeah, lets get to it, then!" His brother replied happily.

Kili put the hat on and jumped onto Fili's shoulders. Fili threw the robes over them and handed his brother the staff. With that, 'Gandalf' walked out of the Prancing Pony and to the streets of Bree.

"Ready?" Fili whispered, looking up to Kili.

"On three!"

The brothers counted silently and then shouted, "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" Kili even slammed the staff on the ground for emphasis. Which was a bad idea.

The staff threw the two backwards twenty feet and into the patio of the bakery.

"Oops," Kili giggled dazedly as he saw six, blurry and very angry uncles staring at him. "Uncle Thorin, since when did you have five twin brothers?"

**Taaa daaaaa! How was it?**

**What were your favorites? I enjoyed 89, 90, and 92 how about yours? I love hearing from you! Leave a review, PM, favorite, or follow if and when you can! Thanks to anyone who sent me any ideas! Remember, SEND ME IDEAS! My brain can only think up so much nonsense! (I haven't been short any yet, though!) **

**Also, I'm kinda excited! _magicmushr00m _sent me a PM saying she wanted to help me promote my story onto other sites like blogs and such! What an honor! Shoutout to her for considering me!**

**Love ya guys! Leave a review for me and tell me if you want a shoutout or want me to reply!**

**HAPPY NATIONAL CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE DAY! You all get chocolate milkshakes from me!**

**Luv ya!**

**Ta,**

**Olive**


	14. 94-97 (Short Chapter)

**Hey guys, Olive here! And here I am again with yet another new chapter! My most sincere apologies, for this chap is MEGA SUPER DUPER short! I had a busy day and barely had time to write at all! AND I updated a week early, you know, since I normally update every other week. I think. Or at least I will...ANYWAY! #94 is the idea of _jaymzNshed, _and #97 is the idea of _Guest._**

**ENJOY**!

* * *

Chapter 14

_94\. I am not allowed to add some….interesting tattoos to Dwalin's collection. Especially if he has no say in it. _

Dwalin woke from his lovely nap to find two dwarf princes sitting on either side of him, grinning their faces off.

"What…...did...you….do….." Dwalin yawned, glaring at the two.

"Why make assumptions so soon?" Kili widened his eyes.

"Yeah, maybe it wasn't even us this time!" Fili added.

"What did you do." The warrior growled.

Fili and Kili became suddenly nervous. "Maybe we should leave now…" And with that, the two slipped out of the room before Dwalin could lift a finger to attack them.

Shrugging, he yawned again and stretched his arms out...and screamed. For there, along his biceps were trails of new designs. Roses and daisies, unicorns, the ten names of the Rhosgobel Rabbits, pancakes, and of course the 'Mom' in a heart.

Of course.

* * *

_95\. In reference to rule #9, I am not allowed to steal a watermelon from the kitchen, calling it my 'crystal ball', and foresee the future._

Placing the stolen watermelon on a little table, Kili sat back on his heels. Closing his eyes and placing both hands on the sides of the melon, he began to see.

"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm….." He muttered, getting into the clairvoyance of it all. "I can see…." He hissed.

Ori, walking by innocently, jumped, and scampered away.

"Smaug…..I see Smaug…." The young dwarf howled. "Oh, how I see that dragon…"

Thorin and Dwalin walked over, curious to what Kili was talking about.

"I see good luck coming to us! Good fortune beaming down on us!" He swayed back and forth. Thorin and Dwalin shrugged. "In the form of….me!" The older dwarves rolled their eyes and moved on.

"But WAIT!" Kili screamed. "The dragon is coming closer! It's coming! It's coming….BOOM! It's here."

"Yes, yes I am!" Fili hissed, creeping into the room. "I am fire, I am DEATH!" (In reference to rule #53. Or was it 56…..)

* * *

_96\. I am not allowed to stage a dramatic breakup with a random passerby. Even though I've been really getting into Gossip Girl. _

"Blair, how could you!" Fili screamed to a young hobbit maiden walking down the street. "I know you've been sleeping with someone else!_! _How could you?!"

"W-wwhat?" The poor hobbit girl stuttered.

"We've been together so long, and how come I just found that out?!"

"Pardon me, but I think you've been mistaken, I-"

"And to top all that, it was with my cousin!"

"Who are you talking about-"

"No. No talking, Blair! This is one thing you won't get out of. So I'm leaving."

"But I-"

"No. No talking. I know this will be hard on you, but I can't be with someone as vile as you!"

"WHO IS-"

"Goodbye."

"But I-"

And with a dramatic flick of his hand, 'Nate' sauntered off.

Meanwhile from the bakery window…..

"Huh," Olive exclaimed, surprised as she peered out of the window and watched the scene go on. "I don't really remember that happening." Then she shrugged. "Meh. I taught him well."'

* * *

_97\. I am not allowed to sing every sentence I say._

"Good morning, uncle," Fili and Kili sang out together in perfect harmony.

Thorin raised an eyebrow. "What's with the singing?"

"What do you meaaaaaaan?" The two sang together in a rich tenor.

"Why are you singing?"

"I don't know what you mean, uncle!" Fili belted out.

"Yes, we are just being normal!" Kili chimed in perfectly.

"Normal?" Thorin grunted.

And the day proceeded on with eleven highly annoyed dwarves and two very enthusiastic ones.

* * *

**Taaa daaaaaaaa!  
****Again, my apologies! I'm SOOOOOOOO sorry its so short! There's NEVER been a chapter so short! So this time is a first! Anyway, I NEED IDEAS. Send me ideas! I love hearing from you lovelies!**

**If ya want me to reply to your review, just leave that little 'R' at the bottom! I love talking and getting to know y'all! BECAUSE I LOVE YA!**

**Happy National Cheeseburger Day! Even though I'm a vegetarian...Yeah. If you're a veggie head, like me, tell me! **

**Leave a review and idea if you have the time and I'll see you on the second of October!**

**Ta,**

**Olive**


	15. 98-100 (100! WHOOOOOOO!)

**Hello my loves! Olive here, bringing you Fili and Kili Nonsense Day! And here we have Chapter 15! Whoooo! Yes, there are only three rules, but I made them longer! Don't worry! And thanks so much to the lovely _Russet Burbanks_ for being my 200th reviewer! They thought up all three of these amazing witch themed rules! Love ya! I cannot believe that I, of all people, got up to 200 reviews! I barely thought I'd get 20! And its all thanks to you lovely readers! So I thank you for that. **

**Enjoy the chappie!**

* * *

Chapter 15

_98\. None of the dwarves are witches. Neither is our hobbit. We will remember that for future times._

"Fili, Kili, what are you two doing?" Thorin grumbled. Fili was waving a spatula in front of him, tracing the airspace of his uncle while Kili took notes, nodding seriously.

Instead of answering, Fili stepped next to his brother and whispered something in his ear. Kili looked thoughtful before scribbling something or other down.

As he finished, the blonde dwarf turned back to his uncle and grinned. "You were saying, uncle?"

Thorin rolled his eyes. "What are you doing?"

"I'm using my witch detector," Fili indicated the spatula grandly, "to tell if you are a witch!"

The king guffawed. "Witch detector?! And where did you get that creation, lad?"

Fili shrugged. "Some crazy old lady off the street."

Thorin stopped laughing. "Now what did I tell you boys about strangers?!"

The brothers sighed. "Keep away, don't delay to run away. But if they happen to be an elf, I shall kill it myself."

"Good," Thorin nodded.

"But there is a witch in our presence, we know it! So we've been observing the company and Kili has been taking notes!"

Kili suddenly looked sheepish. "Oh, was that what the notepad was for….?"

Fili frowned. "Yes. What were you doing with it then…?"

Showing uncomfortableness, Kili showed his brother the doodle of the unicorn. Fili facepalmed.

"Kili! We've already observed three dwarves! And now we have no notes or proof!"

Kili's eyebrows knit together in shame, but then grinned. "Well at least we have a drawing of a unicorn!"

Fili facepalmed.

In the midst of the boys' conversation, their uncle managed to slip away before they noticed.

"Well, now let's move on to someone else." The boys moved on and spotted Nori.

"Oh Noriiiiiiiiiiiiiii," Fili sang, grinning, as he and his brother pranced over.

Five minutes later…..

"So how long have you been a witch?" Fili asked as he and Kili had cornered Nori into a corner booth.

"Er, I don't know what you're talking about." Nori stared at the two, scared for their mental health.

Kili rolled his eyes. "Yes you do! Our witch detector led us right to you!" Fili held up the spatula and nodded seriously.

Nori rolled his eyes.

* * *

_99\. I am not allowed to hold witch trials and punish the 'witches' by sending them in a room with Thorin for five minutes._

"We have come to our decision on the trials," Fili said, twirling his gavel expertly. Kili sat by nodding, holding his notepad, drawing a Rhosgobel Rabbit.

Nori looked annoyed. Balin looked confused.

"Laddies," Balin sighed. "I don't understand what you two are doing!"

"Yeah, I'm not a witch!" Nori shouted, waving his hands all around. At that same exact moment, the door flew open and Bombur came toddling in. (Of course there were muffins in his arms)

"Witchcraft!" Kili shrieked as his brother promptly.

And just like that, five minutes later, Nori found himself in a room with a very uncomfortable Thorin Oakenshield.

"Um, so how's it going?" The king asked awkwardly.

On the other side of the locked door, Fili and Kili nodded in satisfactory. "It's what he deserves." Fili said seriously.

"Yeah! Nothing is as worst as small talk with uncle!" Kili added!

* * *

_100._**(AAAAAAAAAH! 100 RULES!) **_I am not allowed to set Gandalf up with a witch._

"Hey, Gandalf!" Fili and Kili simultaneously sidled up to the wizard.

Gandalf looked surprised but amused. "Good day, boys!"

"Soooooooo…..you're a wizard…." Kili started. Gandalf already had a bad feeling about this.

"And there are plenty of…...witches out there!" Fili added.

Gandalf's eyes widened. "NO! Absolutely NO matchmaking!"

"Aww, but Gandy! Our friend Olive is a wonderful matchmaker!"

"Yeah, she's an expert!"

"Don't call me Gandy," Gandalf growled.

"Thanks for understanding, Gandy! She'll be a waiting for you in the Prancing Pony at eight! Toodeloo!" And with that, the princes scampered away, leaving the poor wizard completely befuddled and stuttering.

At the bakery…..

"Olive!" Fili and Kili shouted as they shot into the shop, running with all their might.

"Yes?" The futuristic girl raised an eyebrow.

"We have a job for you!" Kili exclaimed.

"Oooh! Is it breaking something?!" Olive rubbed her hands together. "I'm good at doing that! Whether on purpose or not! One time in Science class, I broke my friend's pencil with a karate chop-"

"No, no! It's not breaking anything!" Fili hastily interrupted. Olive looked disappointed. "You get to play matchmaker!" Immediately the happy sparkle returned to her eyes.

"Oooh! Who for? Too bad my friend Gil isn't here! She's, like, a fulltime matchmaker! Just last week she matched me up with this one guy who I totally don't like, but I give her a A for effort! And then there was this time-"

"Olive? You're drabbling on again," Kili whispered. Olive stopped and blushed. "Sorry, I do that sometimes! Anywho, who am I matching?"

"Gandalf!" Kili burst out.

"Oh, we're matching Ol' Gandy today, are we?!" Olive grinned a sly, lopsided grin. "This'll be good!"

"Anyone in mind? We promised him a witch and we don't want to disappoint, do we?" Fili explained.

"No, of course not! But who…..And where will we find a witch?" Olive put her thinking face on. She then shrugged. "Can't we just find a lady off the streets and say she's a witch? It's too close to eight to go into the future and find someone there."

The boys shrugged. "Fair enough."

The Prancing Pony at eight…..

Gandalf was sitting awkwardly at the bar, having no idea what was going on, as Fili, Kili, and his 'date' walked in.

"Gandy!" Kili cried.

"Don't call me that," the wizard muttered under his breath.

"We present to you…..Witchaela! Your date!"

"Hi, mister! Man are you tall!" The short, plump, graying, warty…..lady purred.

"Kill me now," Gandalf half sobbed to the boys.

* * *

**Taaaa daaaaaaaaa! My witch themed chapter, thought up by _Russet Burbanks_! Amazing, I know! (Aren't I just the most modest person you've ever met?! *cue sarcasm*) **

**Thanks a million to anyone who reviewed, I love you all! And if you have the time, leave a review! Add the little 'R' if ya want a reply from me personally! I love getting to know you!**

**Lemme tell ya, I've been in a total Fili Kili faze the past month! Especially on Pinterest! Oh dear, don't get me started on Pinterest! If you have an account, tell me! If you search under boards, 'The Line of Durin', mine'll pop up as, like the 20th. My username is Olive Hollie, If your on pinterest. Anywho, I've been going craaaaayzaaaaaaay with that board! over 2,400 pins! I know, call me obsessive...**

**And _mahal megan _asked me if I have a tumblr. The answer is YES! I do have a Tumblr, I just never go on it, or post anything. The reason...I have no idea how to use it. But my username is 'olliehollie', anyway.**

**Love y'all and happy world smile day! *BIG SMILE!***

**Ta,**

**Olive**


	16. 101-107

**Hey guys! Olive here bringing you one of the longest chapters yet! My apologies for not updating last week, I was on a little vacation in Wisconsin. Okay, this week I've been watching the Hobbit trailer over and over again! Ohmyfuzzingoodness, I cannot believe it! Did you see how many times they showed Fili and Klil?! I died. But knowing how Peter Jackson directs, their deaths will be super tragic and terrible. You just know it. I wrote a oneshot on how Fili, Kili and Thorin died in the BOFA, if you wanna check it out! It's called _Always_ Remember, if you're interested. Leave a review telling me how you reacted to the BOFA trailer! This chapter is over 2,000 words! Can ya believe it?! I can't! Anywho, thanks so very much to anyone who's reviewed, favorited, or followed this story! It means so much to me! And I've replied to anyone who wanted me to reply to them! So on with the chatper! #101 was the idea of _guest, _#102 was from the mind of _fardreamer 333, _and#103 was brilliantly thought up by _LavenderCrystalOfRoses! _Thanks you guys for the ideas! **

**Onwards to Fili and Kili Nonsense Day!**

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Chapter 16

_101\. I am not allowed to start a food fight. Even if its for a good reason. Which, of course, it is._

"FOOD FIGHT!" Fili screamed as he and Kili trotted into the Prancing Pony, ladened with cream pies. With gusto, the two began throwing them every which way.

Ori screamed his head off and ran around in circles until he became too dizzy and collapsed in tiredness.

Nori, Dwalin, Bifur, Bofur, and Gloin began throwing their food and ale all around, arousing more food flying.

Dori and Balin took cover behind the bar and shouted grumpily at everyone to quit throwing perfectly good food. Oin and Bilbo quickly joined them.

Bombur got into the mess of all of it and stood in the middle of the room, arms and mouth wide open, ready to eat whatever came flying at him.

Fili delightedly began throwing more and more pies, at company members, at Thorin, at random customers at Thorin, at the hobbit, at Thorin, at Thorin, at Thorin.

Kili, on the other hand, decided that the pies were just too good to throw so he was stuffing his face full of pie.

Thorin sat, still, on his stool and glared with loathing at his blonde nephew who was still throwing pies at him.

After what had seemed like eternity, Gandalf finally swept into the bar to see what the commotion was.

"What is going on here?!" He roared. Everyone froze. Kili's cream-covered face rose from his pie plate. Fili froze in the midst of throwing the pies, two of them in his hand. Thorin still sat angrily on his stool, whipped cream covering him from head to toe. Blibo, Dori, Balin, and Oin got up from the floor. Bombur stopped his pie-eating. The other dwarves guiltily started mumbling excuses.

Gandalf rounded on Fili and Kili. "Why on earth would you start a food fight?!"

Fili gulped. "Well, er…..ah...you see….It's actually Kili's turn to answer your interrogation!" Then turning to his brother, he hissed: "Make it believable!"

Kili frowned, then his eyes lit up. "Leprechauns are attracted to messes and disasters! We wanted to catch one and give it to you for your birthday! They also love whipped cream! But they usually don't come down from their castles made of gold on the rainbow, so we can only hope one has come to us!" He beamed.

Fili nodded, stroking his chin. "Not bad…."

* * *

_102\. In reference to rule #101, I am not allowed to take the leftovers of the pie and stick it on myself. No matter how much I want that 'natural kitcheny perfume.' _

"I don't get why Gandalf is making me pick this up," Fili grumbled as he shoveled pie into a dustpan. "You took part just as much as I did!" He looked at his brother.

Kili, sitting on a table and eating the leftover unsmashed pies, shrugged. "Gandalf said he admired my creativity so I don't have to do anything!"

Sighing, Fili continued shoveling pie, then got an idea.

Two minutes later…

"Bilbo!" Fili cried as he trotted in, Kili trailing behind. "Smell me!"

Bilbo looked at the dwarf in horror. "Crazy blonde say what now?"

"You've been talking to Olive too?"

"Maybe."

"Anyway...smell me!"

Bilbo wildly shook his head. "No!" Then frowned as he looked closer at Fili. "Fili, why are you covered in pie?"

Fili grinned triumphantly. "I wanted to use the leftover pie to give myself a kitcheny scent!"

"A 'kitcheny scent'?"

"You got it!"

"*cough* Strange *cough*

"Goddammit Bilbo! Just smell me!"

"No!"

"Smell me!"

"Fine!" *sniff sniff* "Oooh, lovely!"

* * *

_103\. I am not allowed to turn Gloin into a kitten. No matter how much I feel that he'd like the experience._

"Hi Gloin!" Fili and Kili called out happily, waving madly at the red headed dwarf.

"Hello lads," he replied, surprised.

"How's it going?" Kili smiled widely. Too widely.

"Fine," Gloin narrowed his eyes. "What are ye lads up to-"

"Can we turn you into a tiger?" Fili burst out suddenly.

"A really fierce one!" Kili added. "That has huge teeth!"

"And wicked claws!"

"Great fighting skills!"

"Very macho roar!"

"Very macho indeed!"

Gloin stared at them, open mouthed, eyebrows raised, saying nothing.

Fili and Kili looked at each other and shrugged. "Sounds like a yes to me," Fili grinned.

"Now wait just a minute-" Too late.

With a quick swipe, Kili brandished Gandalf's staff and with a bang, Gloin disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

Coughing and swishing at the air, the brothers looked around for Gloin.

"Where's the tiger," Kili wailed, clutching at his brother's arm. After looking some more, they realized that Gloin had not fully disappeared.

A tiny, red, slightly chubby,and very agitated kitten was staring daggers up at them. He hissed, only to start choking up a hairball.

"You were saying about that macho roar?" Kili cocked his eyebrow at his brother as Gloin mewed angrily.

* * *

_104\. I am not allowed to ruin my brother's date. No matter how funny it is._

"So…..come here often?" Kili asked flirtatiously to his date.

"Um, not really. You asked me here." The dwarf maiden said, cocking her eyebrows.

"Oh yeah!" Kili facepalmed. "I forgot!"

The girl giggled as the two snuggled closer at their table.

"I know! Isn't my brother funny!" Fili popped up in between the two.

"Gaaaah, Fili!" Kili screamed as he and the girl shot away from him.

"Hi!" Fili grinned as he turned to the girl. "I'm Fili, HIS handsome brother!"

"A pleasure to meet you?" She replied, still a little startled.

"I know." He sighed.

"Aren't you supposed to be on your date, brother," Kili gritted his teeth.

"Trust me, we got plenty of action in," Fili wiggled his eyebrows.

Kili, jaw still clenched, excused himself from the table ("You're excused," Fili had replied), grabbed his brother by the elbow, dragged him away, and threw him out of the restaurant. Smacking his hands together, satisfied, he returned to the table.

"Now where was I?" He asked his date, grinning.

"Oh, you had just thrown me out!" Fili cartwheeled back into the room. Jumping next to the table, he smiled cheekily. "Let's start with some icebreakers! Kili, what's your favorite color?"

"Kill me now," Kili mumbled.

After what seemed like forever, Fili finally got up. "Well it was nice meeting you!" He grinned at his brother's date. "Goodnight!" And with a cheery wave, he was gone.

"Finally!" Kili sighed.

Fili quickly came bouncing back. "Oh, I almost forgot! Goodnight kisses!" And with gusto, he kissed the stunned girl on the cheek. Happily turning to his brother, Fili frowned, then he smiled. He kissed his palm and smacked it on the top of Kili's head.

"Ow!" Kili yelped. "FILI!"

"Adios, amigos!" Fili cried as he bounded away.

Rolling his eyes and sighing, Kili finally turned back to the girl. "NOW he's finally gone!"

The girl was staring dreamily in the direction Fili had gone. "You said his name was Fili, was it…?"

* * *

_105\. I am not allowed to start singing 'Wicked'. No matter how hard I've practiced._

"Dearest darlingest Momsie sweetest," Fili started, giggling as he was adorned in a pink sparkly dress and tiara.

"My dear uncle," Kili stated in a monotone, adjusting his black witch hat and dress.

"There's been some confusion over rooming here at the Prancing Pony," they sang together

"But of course I'll care for Ori," Kili sung, making movements with his hands. "Ori?" Thorin mumbled, watching the fiasco.

"But of course I'll rise above it!" Fili leapt up and down cheerily.

"For I know that's how you'd want me to respond, yes! There's been some confusion for you see my roomate is…."

"Unusually and strangely beardless and altogether a total sissy….." Fili sang, glancing at Kili.

"...Blonde," Kili shot right back at him."

"What is this feeling so sudden and new?"

"I felt the moment I laid eyes on _you,"_

"My pulse is rushing," Fili tapped his wrist.

"My head is reeling," Kili grabbed his head.

"My face is flushing," Fili gasped, grabbing his pink cheeks.

"Oh what is this feeling? Fervent as Smaug's flame…...does it have a name…..as terrible as Gollum's?"

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES! Precious it does!" Fili and Kili sang.

"Loathing!" Both of their pairs of eyes snapped to glare at each other. "Unadulterated loathing!"

"For your bow!"

"Your blondeness."

"Your boasting!"

"Let's just say: I loathe it all!" They sang.

"Every little trait however small! Makes my very flesh begin to crawl!" Fili stomped around, acting like Kili while Kili giggled annoyingly and fluffed his hair in attempt to look like Fili.

"With simple utter loathing! There's a strange exhilaration!" The two sung harmoniously, putting their fists up, pretending to fight.

"In such total detestation! Its so pure so strooooooooooooonnnnnnng!" Both flexed their muscles. "Though I do admit it came on fast, still I do believe it can last," the glared at each other.

"And I will be loathing, loathing you my whole life looonnnnnnnng!" They finished with prompt spinning on their heels and facing away from each other, arms crossed.

"I will never understand you two," Thorin grumbled.

* * *

_106\. I am not allowed to write a letter to Bree's leader, telling them they should rename their prison 'Thorin's Layer'. Uncle won't appreciate it, even though it's named after him!_

_**Dear Mr Leader of Bree of Whom We Don't Know the Name Of,**_

_**Us, two temporary residents of Bree, thought that you should rename your prison. 'Town Prison' is just too boring, ya hear me?! We thought that you should think up something more creative, more relevant, more interesting, more recognizable…..So we thought it could be named 'Thorin's Layer'! It'd be named after our uncle, "King Under the Mountain", or so he says. Ooops, we weren't supposed to tell you that….Oh well. He's always totally grumpy and stuff, so we thought that a prison represents his personality perfectly! Oooh, you could even have a fake Smaug in your prison! You can't have the real Smaug, he's currently occupying OUR kingdom, but maybe you could get his fifth cousin Barney! Think about it! 'Thorin's Layer', think about it!**_

_**From two citizens that REALLY care.**_

* * *

_107\. I am not allowed to play 'What's in my pocket' with Gollum. Especially not when our burglar is present._

"Okay, round one! What's in my pocket!" Fili asked mysteriously.

Gollum screwed up his face tight. "Lets us thinkses, precious! Lets us thinkses!"

"Okay, we never said you couldn't," Kili was confused.

"Lets us thinkses!" Gollum bared his teeth. "Sword!"

"Nope!" Fili said cheerfully.

"No no no no no!" Gollum screamed. Then his eyes lit up. "Ropeses!"

"Nooooo!" Fili said smugly.

Gollum glared at him. "Stupid precious dwarfses, no ropses in his pocketses."

"Hey, don't blame me! Kili took all my rope!" Fili held up his hands.

"Very stupid dwarfses," Gollum cocked his head toward Kili.

"Agreed," Fili nodded.

"Rockses!" Gollum held up three bony fingers. "Third guess, precious!"

"Nope!"

"NOOOOO!" Gollum screamed. "What has the dwarfses got in its precious pocketses?" He bared his nine teeth.

"Let's see…..half of a cronut….my Galinda tiara…..Kili's sanity…..Uncle's prized hairclip…..Ori's quill….more of that cronut…Bilbo's handkerchief…..."

"Its our turn, preciouses!" Gollum clapped his hands. "What has I gots in my pocketses?"

"A picture of your mother?" Fili asked hopefully.

"No! One guess gone, preciouses!" Gollum cackled.

"Oh, too bad. She must've been a beautiful woman. Let's see….a fish?"

"No, precious! We wishes we has a fishes, but we has no fishes. One guess left precious!"

"Um…..a human bone!?"

"No!" Gollum cackled again. "We wins!"

"Oh." Fili sat back, disappointed. "Then what do you have in your pocket?"

"Nothingses!" Gollum cried. "Us don't have any pocketses, precious!"

"Oh, I should've noticed that," Fili studied Gollum's loin cloth.

"Fili, have you seen my handkerchief?" Bilbo walked into the room, frowning.

"PRECIOUS?!" Gollum cried.

"Hey, Bilbo! This is my friend Golllum! We're playing 'what's in my pocket', wanna play?"

"AAAAAAAH, GOLLUM!" Bilbo screeched, running out of the room.

"Thieeeeeeef!" Gollum hollered. "Bagginses stoled the precious from us! NOOOOOOO!" And with that, he chased after Bilbo in a limping four-limbed crawl.

* * *

**Voila! There you have it folks! I must admit, this may be my new favorite chapter! I loved all the rules I wrote! How about you? What were your guys' favorites? And don't forget to send me ideas so I can write them in! Also, if you want me to reply to your reviews (which I'm very happy to do!) leave a 'R' at the bottom of your reveiw!**

**If you didn't know, the lyrics are from 'What is this Feeling' from Wicked! Great song! My friend Gil and I actually did everything Fili and Kili did in that song in public! (Minus the costumes) It was fun...**


	17. 108-114

**Hey guys! Olive here, bringing you Fili and Kili Nonsense Day! AKA My favorite day of the week! Thanks so much for all the support you've given me, it really helps me out! Onwards! #108 was an idea of _fardreamer 333, _#109 was from _BillthePony, _and #110 was brilliantly from _cherryberryblablabla! _So I guess the rest are from...OLIVE'S BRAIN! ME!**

**To the story!**

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Chapter 17

_108\. I am not allowed to start yelling 'Child abuse' in public when Thorin doesn't give me what I want. Apparently, that ISN'T child abuse. Who knew!?_

"Thorin! Hey uncle Thorin!" Fili pranced up to his uncle and began walking beside him.

"Yes, Fili?" Thorin looked patiently at his eldest nephew.

"Can I have a pet griffin?"

"Wha?"

"A pet griffin?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pleeeease?"

"No."

"PLEEEEEAAAASE?"

"Hmmm….let me think about it….."

"Okay!"

"..."

"Have you thought about it?"

"Yes."

"So I can get one?!"

"No."

"PLLLLLLLEEEEEEEAAAASSSSSSSE?"

"Fili, no."

"Child abuse!"

"How dare you!" A hobbit woman walking by glared up at Thorin. "What do you do to the poor boy?!" And with that, she smacked the king under the mountain upright with her basket.

Fili smirked.

* * *

_109\. I am not allowed to have a tea party with stuffed animals. Mr Fluffifoo doesn't like tea._

"Why hello, Mr Fluffifoo!" Kili giggled as he petted the stuffed Fell beast. Turning around, he grinned at the jackalope. "And I didn't forget about you, Whoopiepoo! Now let's have some tea!" Still smiling, he pulled out a beautifully adorned silver tea pot.

"I stole this from Dori," he explained to his posse of toys. And with that, the young dwarf began to pour tea into tiny teacups. "What lovely weather we're having, isn't it, Babeyloo?" The stuffed eagle stared ahead, glassy eyed.

"Sophaboo, you are looking gorgeous in your tutu!" The kitten sat as still as the rest.

"Angieyoo, be a peach and pass the crumpets?" The turtle did nothing. "Oh, I see how it is!"

"Now where was I, Mr Fluffifoo? Oh yes! Tea for you!" Kili paused for a minute to 'listen' to the Fell beast. "What? You don't like tea?! For shame, Fluffifoo! For shame!"

"Kili? What are you doing?" Kili leapt up and spun around to see Fili staring at him with a bemused expression on his face.

"Hehe, nothing!" He replied nervously as he hid his tiara and tugged his boa off. Fili raised an eyebrow. "Fine! I get bored sometimes….."

* * *

_110\. I am not allowed to yell 'Prove it!' after everything anyone says. Somethings just can't be proven._

"What a lovely day today," Ori sighed as he walked into the Prancing Pony from the outdoors of Bree.

"Oh yeah? Prove it!" Fili yelled, rolling his eyes.

Ori squeaked. "Uh, just go outside?"

"You're going crazy lad," Nori shook his head.

"Prove it!" Kili yelled from his corner.

"What's with the 'prove it'? I don't think your uncle would appreciate it." Balin knit his eyebrows together.

"Prove it!"

"Well, if ye want. Thorin! Come over here!"

Thorin, having been arm wrestling Dwalin and losing, gladly got up from the bar and walked over. "What's the problem, Balin?"

"Prove it!"

"That."

Thorin turned to his nephews and rolled his eyes. "Oh, them? They're just pouting because I wouldn't let them catch a pegasus. After all, they don't exist!"

"Prove it!"

"Shut it, Fili. Anyway, they're grounded and have to sit quietly for awhile."

The nephews grumbled.

"It's not really a problem, leave them there awhile and they'll calm down."

"Prove it," an angry mutter answered.

Shaking their heads, the elder dwarves left.

Sighing, Fili and Kili turned to each other. "I bet I can annoy Uncle Thorin more than you can!"

"Oh yeah? Well prove it!"

"Gladly!"

* * *

_111\. I am not allowed to play Duck Duck Grey Duck with the company._

"Duck," Kili said steadily as he bopped Dori on the head. "Duck," Gloin grumbled as the top of his head was slapped. "Duck," Balin rolled his eyes and straightened his hair once more. "Duck," Bofur reshaped his hat, muttering insults about young dwarves.

"Grey duck!" Kili smacked Dwalin on top of his bald head and began to run, cackling madly. Dwalin rolled his eyes and began to chase Kili. Kili made it back to the big dwarf's spot just before he was tagged.

"I beat you!" He grinned. "Now it's your turn!"

Grumbling under his breath, Dwalin began. "Duck…..Duck…...Duck…...Duck…..Duck…..Duck….Grey duck." Both wearily sighing, Oin and Dwalin walked around the circle, Oin surprisingly making it back before Dwalin.

"Dwalin! You have to run!" Kili cried.

Sighing even deeper, Dwalin began again. "Duck….Duck….Duck…...Duck….Duck...Grey duck." He tapped Fili on the head and began jogging around their little circle. Enthusiastically, Fili chased after him. Now mind you, Dwalin wasn't going that fast so Fili caught up right away.

"Gotcha!" The blonde prince cried as he tackled the tattooed dwarf. "I win!"

At that very moment, Thorin walked in. "What are you doing?" He saw a grumpy Dori, Nori, Oin, Gloin, Balin, Ori, a happy Kili, an angry Bifur, Bofur, and Bombur all sitting in a circle. Fili was triumphantly sitting atop a moody Dwalin on the outer edge of the circle.

"We're playing Duck Duck Grey Duck," Bofur said sullenly.

"Why?" Thorin scrunched up his nose.

"Fili and Kili stole all of our weapons. If we didn't play a 'super mega ultra fun' game with them, they'd melt them down to make nametags for their pet rabbits." Balin said in a monotone.

"Uncle!" Fili cried innocently. "You're just in time to join us for round twenty-five! Sit, sit!"

* * *

_112\. I am not allowed to start a Bagginshield day. _

"What is Bagginshield?" Thorin frowned as Fili and Kili came parading in with a 'Join Us For Bagginshield Day!' sign.

"Fili….Kili...when I say run, run!" Olive muttered to them under her breath.

* * *

_113\. Standing in the middle of the lake at midnight will not turn me into a merman._

"Step one," Fili frowned, reading off a tiny scrap of paper. "Go to the lake at midnight." He shrugged. "Sounds legit."

And with that, the prince jauntily trotted off and down to the lake. "Okay, I'm here," he mumbled, fumbling for the paper. "Step two, go into the lake." Shrugging again, he waded in and began doggy paddling out.

"Well, I'm in the right place. Now! Step three, start singing your favorite song." Fili grinned maliciously and broke into tune.

_When you're ready come and get it! (na na na na, na na na na)_

_When you're ready come and get it! ( na na na na, na na na na)_

_When you're ready, when you're ready, when you're ready come and get it! (na na na na, na na na na)_

After singing the chorus for quite some time, he read the waterlogged paper yet again. "Step four, make up a story and tell it to the fishes." He frowned. "That's weird. Ah well, let's do this! Once upon a time, there was a devilishly handsome blonde prince named Fili. His mean, old, grumpy uncle Thorin left to open NOTHORINLOVE, the bakery and gave all his power to his favorite nephew. ME! So anyway, me, the dream come true to all, set off to find a legendary jackalope. Along the way, I met many many many lady friends that decided to join me so I wouldn't be lonely…."

After some time…..

"...Step seventeen," Fili gasped. He was tired of treading water. "If nothing seems to be happening, start belly dancing. Belly dancing?" He knit his eyebrows. "Why belly dancing? Oh well, if the directions say so, then I go for it!" And with that, he began an extravagant underwater belly dance. "IS IT WORKING? AM I A MERMAN NOW?"

* * *

_114\. When Dwalin is watching me, I am not allowed to ask him questions about his childhood._

"So…..Dwalin…...You wanna let me out of this room?" Kili asked, bobbing on the balls of his feet.

"No," Dwalin grumbled, sitting on a chair blocking the door.

"Aw, why not?"

"Your uncle is having me keep an eye on you. Apparently he doesn't trust you to walk around alone Bree anymore, after you sent your herd of gnomes after the townspeople."

"Aw, it was just a joke!" Kili whined. "The gang just wanted to say hello!"

Dwalin snorted.

After some time of just standing there, Kili finally just plopped onto the bed. "So, Dwalin…"

"What?"

"Have any lady friends?"

*Splutter* "What?"

"I take that as a no."

"Hmph."

"Did you ever have a love interest? Even when you were younger?"

"No."

"I don't belieeeeeeveeeee you!"

"Hmph."

"Did you ever have a puppy when you were my age?"

"Um, no."

"I bet you did!"

"No."

"Oh. Hey Dwalin….? I know you used to dance!"

*Cough* "WHAT?! Who told you that?!"

*snicker* "Uncle Thorin! He said when you were forty or fifty, you liked to dance!"

"Um, that was a long time ago."

"I bet you were a lovely dancer."

"Uh, yeah."

"...Hey Dwalin?"

"What?"

"You have the build of a dancer."

"Thank you?"

"Hey Dwalin?"

"What, Kili?!"

"Were you socially awkward when you were younger? Uncle and Balin said so."

"WHAT?"

"Hehe, nothing….Hey Dwalin?"

"WHAT, KILI?"

"I heard you used to like picking flowers when you were younger. True or false?"

"Kill me now."

* * *

**Too much dialogue? Maybe? Hmmm...oh well! **

**If ya have any ideas, send 'em on over to me! And don't forget to review if you have the time! And leave the 'r' if you want a reply! I love replying!**

**Favorites? Mine were #109, 111, 112, and 113! How about you?**

**Just wanted to say a big shoutout to all my loyal and loving readers who've been reading this story since it was published in March! And of course the readers who've joined along the way! And just thank you to everyone! **

**Join me every other Thursday for Fili and Kili Nonsense Day! Thanks!**

**Ta,**

**Olive**

**P.S. Happy National Nachos Day! Go home and eat some nachos!**

**Love you guys!**


	18. 115-120

**Hello guys, Olive here! Happy Fili and Kili Nonsense Day! This week I bring you six new rules that Fili and Kili break. Has anybody else been having problems updating their stories? My Doc Manager hasn't been very kind to me for the past couple of days. Oh well, hope this gets published on time. So #116 was from **_**Guest, **_**##118 was the brilliant idea of **_**fee, **_**and #119 was from the mind of **_**wrmauney, **_**so that means they rest were from me! **

**Enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

_115\. I am not allowed to hire a bodyguard._

"Fili…...Kili…..!" Thorin roared as he charged out of the Prancing Pony, pink paint, glitter, and chicken feathers flying off of him.

He wildly spun his head around, paint whizzing off of him and into the eyes of pedestrians, and spotted his nephews standing near the fountain. Thorin made a beeline right for them.

"I'm going to kill you two!" The king howled to Fili and Kili. The brothers turned around, grins melting off of their faces.

"BODYGUARD!" Fili hollered, throwing his arms up to protect himself.

Before Thorin could make contact with Fili or Kili, he smacked into a hard wall and fell over. Groaning and looking up, the king realized it was not a wall, but a huge person.

"What in the name of-" Thorin mumbled, dazed, as he studied the huge man. He was big with beefy hands, a bald head, tangled hair, and a woodsy smell to him.

"Uncle, meet Graugh. Graugh, uncle. Uncle, Graugh." Kili beamed.

"Graaaaaauuuuuuugggggghh!" The man bellowed, raising his fist in greeting.

"Eeep," Thorin's eyes widened as he scrambled back.

"Graugh is our new bodyguard," Fili grinned.

"Where on earth did you find a bodyguard?" The king shook his head.

"In the woods," Kili piped up. "He said we'd need protection.

"Little princes…...need….protect…." Graugh murmured, scowling at Thorin and cracking his knuckles. Thorin gulped. "Dwarf….threat?"

The king looked to his nephews, pleading them with his eyes. The boys shared identical evil smiles.

"He's a very bad dwarf, Graugh!" Kili wailed.

"Yeah, always trying to kill us! You heard what he said earlier!"

"I hate you two," Thorin grumbled. Graugh turned on him and bellowed.

Next thing he knew, Thorin found himself running through Bree, screaming, as the giant man lumbered after him.

* * *

_116\. I am not allowed to sing 'They're Taking The Hobbits to Isengard' while prancing down the street. Uncle would never look at me the same._

"They're taking the hobbits to Isengard," Kili howled as he leapt down the cobblestone street with gusto. The normal people of Bree stared at him and continued their shopping.

"They're taking the hobbits to Isengard," Fili screamed, not far behind his brother.

"They're taking the hobbits to Isengard!"

"Where's Isengard," Balin mumbled to himself as he shook his head at the lads.

"They're taking the hobbits to Isengard!"

The hobbit children playing nearby ran to hide, thinking the scary dwarves were going to take _them _to 'Isengard'.

"They're taking the hobbits to Isengard!"

"I don't know them, I don't know them, I don't know them….." Ori mumbled to himself, shielding his eyes as he passed.

"They're taking the hobbits to Isengard-gard-gard-ggard!"

Some of their terrorous Rhosgobel Rabbits came to join the little parade.

"Fili….Kili! Stop embarrassing yourselves!" Thorin shouted, running behind them.

"They're taking the hobbits to Isengard!"

"Ah, I taught them well," Olive sighed, cupping her hands around her mug of tea, watching the dwarf princes skip by the coffee shop, Rhosgobel Rabbits and all. And, of course, an angry Thorin.

* * *

_117\. I am not allowed to 'look for my Destiny'. _

"Destiny? Destiny, where are you?" Kili called out hopefully, them mumbled, "who are you?"

"Whatcha doin', Kee?" Fili swaggered into the room to find his brother frantically looking for something.

"I'm trying to find my Destiny. That's what Olive told me what to do. I'm trying to find this 'Destiny' but I can't find her!" Kili sighed.

"Er, Kee?"

"I don't know where else to look!"

"Kiiiiliii….."

"I hope she's pretty," the brunette prince sighed.

"Kili," Fili rolled his eyes, "you have a lot to learn."

* * *

_118\. I am not allowed to eat one of Radagast's mushrooms._

"Zippity dooh dah….Zippity day…...my, my, what a wonderful daaaaaay!" Fili stumbled into the room, mushroom in hand.

"This one's on you," Thorin turned to Dwalin and then walked away.

* * *

_119\. I am not allowed to crash the Great Goblin's birthday party with Gollum._

"Are you sure we're going the right way?" Fili asked nervously.

"Yes, preciouses! Weses are goings the rightses wayses!" Gollum hissed, hobbling on his hands and feet down the dark tunnel of rocks.

"It's dark down here," Kili complained. "Are we there yet?"

"Precious dwarfses must be patientses!" Gollum rolled his eyes. Kili annoyed him.

After twenty minutes of more hobbling, complaining, walking, falling, and cursing, (the cursing came soon after the falling) they had made it to Goblin Town.

"We're here!" Fili, Gollum, and Kili yelled. "Surprise!" The Goblin King looked up in surprise to find them grinning at him, well, only Fili and Kili. Gollum had snuck away into the shadows, snickering, and hissing 'stupid dwarfses'.

"What is this?" The Great Goblin stated loudly.

"We're here to wish you a happy birthday!" The brothers grinned in unison.

The Great Goblin's face lit up. "Thank you! How did you know my birthday was tomorrow?!"

"Oh, our friend Gollum told us! Wait…..where is Gollum?" Fili looked around.

From within the shadows, Gollum was cursing. He'd hoped to get rid of the brothers, not have them start a party!

* * *

_120\. I am not allowed to discuss my brother's 'parasites' with the company._

"Did you know that Kili has the biggest parasites in our company?" Fili asked Ori.

"Kili has parasites, watch out!" He warned Balin.

"I heard that your parasites almost rival Kili's," he exclaimed to Oin.

"Kili's parasites may be contagious, I'd keep you tea away from him." Fili whispered sneakily to Dori.

"Kili's got huge parasites!" He stated proudly to Dwalin.

"I wish my parasites were as big as my brother's!" He sighed to Gloin.

"Don't ask Kili about his parasites, he's shy about them." Fili said to Nori.

"Does our family have a history of parasites in our tubes?" He asked Thorin.

"I assure you, it wasn't just a diversion," he said to Bilbo. "Kili has parasites."

"Kili, how big are your parasites really?" Fili asked his brother intently.

* * *

**Boom! Success! How'd you like it? Send me a review or PM message giving me feedback if you have the time! ;) Big thanks, again, to all my beautiful reviewers! I adore you guys! Don't forget, if you have a suggestion, send it on over!**

**Oh. My. God. Has anyone seen the second trailer for the BOFA?! I….I couldn't even. No. Urgh! Feels! No. Sorry, sorta lost my train of thought there. I'm probably going to have a mental breakdown in the theater when it comes out. (And my friend, being my friend, would probably film it) But the new trailer, no. It barely showed any Fili! Noooooo!**

**Sorry for my rant, enjoy the rest of the week! See you on December 4th for Fili and Kili Nonsense Day!**

**P.S. Question for all you Fili and Kili fans, who do you like better; Fili or Kili? Most like Kili while I find myself liking Fili better. How bout you?**

**Ta,**

**Olive**


	19. 120-125

**Hey guys! Happy Thanksgiving! I know I said that I'd update December 4th, but I wanted this to be a holiday gift from me to you! Although there are only five rules today, they are all pretty long, they took me the whole entire morning! And these are all ideas from you guys! #121 was an idea of _VG Fan 1, _#122 was thought up by _LavenderCrystalOfRoses, _#123 is the hilarious idea of _KiliandFiliGirl, _#124 is a new idea of _Soniccouples10_'s, and finally, #125 was from _Nuka._  
**

**Enjoy! ;)**

* * *

_Chapter 19_

_121\. I am not allowed to try and help Uncle Thorin go to sleep. The cookie sheet really doesn't help either._

Thorin grumbled as he tossed and turned in his bed. The mattress was hard, harder than usual. Finally giving up on sleep, he dragged himself off his bed, out of his room and down the stairs to the kitchen.

Looking for anything edible or drinkable, he found a jug of milk and poured himself a glass. Drowning it in one gulp, he set the glass on the table and turned around. Fili and Kili were grinning at him.

"Gah!" He cried, nearly knocking the glass over with his flailing arms.

"Ssssssssh! There are people sleeping!" Kili hushed him.

"Hello uncle, fancy seeing you around here!" Fili smiled.

"What are you two doing up at this time of night?!" Thorin hissed to his nephews.

"We were raiding Bombur's cookie jar!" Kili exclaimed as he held up a jar labeled 'Bombur's Cookies, KEEP AWAY FROM FILI AND KILI'.

"What are YOU doing up this late, uncle?" Fili asked, raised eyebrow.

"I couldn't sleep so I went to get something to eat. Now I'm going back to my room before you two do something you'll later regret. Goodnight." Thorin turned away from the boys and headed out of the kitchen and started up the stairs.

"Ooooh, you can't sleep, uncle?" Kili asked sympathetically, trotting behind him.

"We can help you! We're experts at going to sleep!" Fili added.

"Yeah! We're very good at falling asleep during Balin's lessons!"

"Or Dori's lectures about not stealing his tea pot!"

"Or Gloin's complaints about how we scratched his prized battle axe!"

"Or Oin's tips on how NOT to get hurt while dueling a salamander!"

"Or when Ori whines when we trick him with our unicorn!"

"Or Dwalin's complaints about the shortage of women in his life!"

Thorin blinked.

"What we mean to say uncle," Fili began, "is that we can help you fall asleep!"

"No, no no!" Thorin rounded on his heels.

"Seriously, uncle!" Kili cried. "We are professionals! We even made Olive fall asleep when we were telling her about our talent of falling asleep!"

"We didn't even mean for her to fall asleep!"

"It just goes to show you how amazing our gift is!"

"Then again, she may have fallen asleep because we were boring her…."

"But we highly doubt that!"

Thorin silently started creeping up the stairs.

"Where are you going, uncle?" Fili shouted, prancing after him.

Thorin made a break for it and sprinted up to his room. Fili and Kili ran after him. Before he could close the door on his nephews, they slipped into his room and sat on the bed, bouncing.

"We are going to help you, uncle," Fili said seriously.

"Yes, and we aren't leaving until you agree!" Kili stated, crossing his arms.

"Fili, Kili," Thorin grumbled. "Get out of my room!" The boys stayed rooted to their spots on the bed.

"I mean it." Nothing.

"Leave. Now." They could've been statues.

"Go." Zip.

"Leave." Zilch.

"Fine!" Thorin finally threw his hands up in the air. "If you help me fall asleep will you leave?"

"Oh, of course!" The brothers jumped up, beaming.

"What do I need to do," the king sighed.

"Just get into your bed, pull the covers up, close your eyes, and clap your hands twice!" Fili said. "We'll already be gone, and you'll be asleep within three seconds!"

"Do this, or else we won't leave you alone!" Kili added.

"Fine! Just fine!" Thorin ushered his nephews off his bed and got in it, pulling the covers up.

Fili sent him a thumbs up, mouthing 'don't forget to clap'. With that, they were out of the room.

Rolling his eyes and mumbling to himself, the king closed his eyes and clapped twice. He waited one second…...two…..three…..

A cookie sheet flew out of the dark and smacked him in the face. Thorin was immediately knocked unconscious, drifting into sleep.

* * *

_122\. I am not allowed to fall in love with our dinner turkey and make Thorin protect it. He may be a king, but he's not Thorin Protector of Turkeys._

Bombur came in, grinning, as he held a giant turkey. "I've found our dinner for tonight," he smiled.

Kili looked up and gasped as he saw the fat turkey. "Bombur, who _is _that?!"

Bombur raised his eyebrows. "Ummmmmm, dinner?"

Kili rounded on him. "WHAT? You cannot kill such a magnificent creature that holds such obvious beauty!" And with that, the prince grabbed the turkey and spun around, strutting away angrily.

"I think I'll call you Gladiola," Bombur heard Kili tell the turkey.

"Uncle!" Kili cried as he raced over to Thorin. "You need to protect my turkey from Bombur!"

"No." Thorin got up and walked away.

"Please uncle?!" Kili pleaded.

"What do I need to do?" The king sighed.

"Give my turkey your blessing," Kili replied cheerfully.

Thorin rolled his eyes. "Fine. I, Thorin King Under the Mountain, give my protection to-what's the turkey's name?"

"Gladiola."

"To Gladiola the Turkey. May she forever be a free turkey, not a dinner." He smirked. "How was that?"

"Perfect!" Kili exclaimed. He patted his uncle's arm. "Thank you, Thorin Protector of Turkeys." With that, the young prince skipped away.

"Protector of Turkeys?" Thorin grumbled.

* * *

_123\. My brother and I are not allowed to brag to Bolg and Azog about our proud descent from the Line of Durin. _

"What are the young dwarves doing here?" Bolg growled to his father.

Fili and Kili grinned, awkwardly shuffling their feet.

"To heck if I know," the pale orc hissed back.

"We just wanted to send you our dearest apologies," Fili began.

"For what?" Bolg snapped. Azog shushed him.

"For not descending from the Line of Durin, of course!" Kili cried.

"It really is a pity," Fili continued.

"Yes, since we obviously are a totally awesome family!"

"And royal, too!"

"We've started a committee….."

"Consisting of me and Kili…..."

"That goes around to everyone that isn't a Durin…"

"And apologizes to them…"

"And gives them a little box of chocolates as an 'I'm sorry you're not a Durin' present!" Kili tossed a little box wrapped with ribbons onto Azog's lap.

"We believe that everyone in Middle Earth should be equal," Fili continued.

"Except the Line of Durin!"

"So you're on the same boat as everyone else…"

"Minus me, Fili, and Uncle Thorin."

"If everyone was a Durin….."

"Everyone would be a dwarf, be rich, have amazing fighting skills, long luscious hair, cool beards, and devilishly handsome looks!"

"Again, alas, no one can be that perfect!"

"Except for me, Fili, and Uncle!"

"So we've just come to say that we're sorry that you two aren't us!" Fili finished smiling apologetically.

Five minutes later…

"THE LINE OF DURIN WILL NOT BE BROKEN SO EASILLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" Fili howled, grinning, as he and his brother were being chased by a very angry pale orc and a very ugly orc.

* * *

_124\. I am not allowed to babysit Bilbo's precious nephew Frodo._

"Who on earth would be available to babysit on such short notice," Bilbo fretted to himself. He was rushing around the Prancing Pony, clutching little Frodo's hand. He had already asked half the ladies in Bree, but none of them could.

He finally came across the clump of dwarves in the company. Breathing a sigh of relief, he rushed to them.

"My fellow Thorin Oakenshieldians!" He cried. "Can any of you babysit my nephew Frodo? I'm supposed to negotiate peace with the narwhal of the lake and he can't come with." Bilbo held up a poorly written letter addressed to him.

"Um, sorry Bilbo! I promised to help Bifur and Nori today," Bofur said as he Nori, and Bifur walked away.

"I'm far too busy to babysit someone," Dori huffed. "The tea traders are coming to Bree today and I must be there!" He hustled away.

"Ummm, I'm a king…..so I don't have to babysit people's nephews?" Thorin made up his lame excuse.

Bilbo frowned. "Weren't you stuck babysitting Fili and Kili, YOUR nephews, when they were little?"

Thorin began sweating. "Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm…...Think fast!" He threw his half eaten chicken leg at the hobbit and ran away.

Frodo let go of his uncle's hand and started prodding the chicken leg.

"Frodo, that's dirty, don't do that." Turning to the remaining dwarves, Bilbo pleaded with them. "Aren't any of you free?"

"I'm working as Master Showtuffer's apprentice today," Ori squeaked. "Sorry, Bilbo."

"I can take him if ye want, Master Hobbit!" Gloin smiled. "I have an axe that'd fit him perfectly!"

"Ummm, you know….that's okay, Gloin." Bilbo shuddered. "I can find someone else. Where's Oin?"

"He's working in the town's medical hall," the redheaded dwarf replied as he walked away.

"I have to be cooking all day." Bombur said as he made a beeline to the kitchen.

Bilbo turned to Dwalin, about to open his mouth. Dwalin raised an eyebrow at him and Bilbo closed his mouth.

Turning with wide eyes to Balin, he practically fell on the floor, clutching at the old dwarf. "PLEEEEEEAAAAASSSSEEEEE! Balin! You must help me!"

"I'm sorry, Bilbo!" Balin shook him off gently and shook the wrinkles out of his robes. "But I as well am busy today. Good day," and with that, he left.

Sighing, Bilbo turned around to find Fili and Kili grinning at him. Fili wiggled his eyebrows.

Realizing the gesture, Bilbo's eyes widened. "Oh, NO! Absolutely not! I don't trust you two with the life of my nephew!"

"Oh come one, Bilbo!" Fili sighed.

"Yeah, we were, at one time, young nephews as well!" Kili added. "We know how to entertain a little hobbit boy!"

Frodo tugged on Bilbo's pant leg. "Uncle? I'm hungry."

Looking from his little nephew to the nephews of the king, he threw up his hands. "Fine! You can babysit Frodo!" Fili and Kili clapped their hands like kids.

After a very long list of what not to do, some hugs for Frodo, some threats to Fili and Kili, Bilbo was ushered out of the door.

Grinning, Fili and Kili turned to Frodo. "So what do you want to do, young Baggins?" Fili smiled as he bent down to Frodo's level.

"I want some food, please," the hobbit boy said plaintively.

"The food you shall get," Kili said, swinging the hobbit boy onto his back. Frodo giggled as he was lead to the kitchen by the brothers.

"Bombur, my good man," Fili clapped twice. "Young Master Baggins would like some food, please?"

Bombur walked over. "What'll it be, then?"

"Two cherry pies, three loaves of bread, seven carrot sticks, two apples, and one fried chicken." Frodo said. "Please," he added.

"Add to that a bucket of whipped cream, four muffins, and the contents of your cookie jar!" Kili said, beaming.

Bombur snorted. "Fat chance."

Fili gasped. "Bombur! Don't ruin the hopes of a little boy!" On cue, Frodo looked up at the cook with big blue eyes.

Bombur sighed. "What'll Master Baggins Sr. think of this?"

"Oh, he said it was fine," Kili waved his hand. "And do you want to be responsible for starving Bilbo's nephew?"

Bombur went pale and scurried over to the stove.

"Just a matter of time," Fili promised Frodo.

While they were waiting for their food, Fili and Kili told Frodo the true meaning of annoying an uncle, taught him how to do a cartwheel, danced on the tables with him, played duck duck grey duck with people around the bar, turned Thorin's hair pink, let the chickens into the Prancing Pony, did some matchmaking, and stole Gandalf's staff to turn half the people into frogs.

And then the food came.

You can only imagine what happened then.

An hour or two later, Bilbo walked back to the Prancing Pony, sopping wet. "Turns out the resident narwhal doesn't want peace," he grumbled to himself as he opened the door and walked into the bar/eating place of the Prancing Pony.

His eyes widened as he saw chicken feathers littering the floor, footprints on the table, whipped cream splattered everywhere, Kili playing duck duck grey duck with some big burly men, frogs leaping around Frodo cartwheeling around with some carrot sticks protruding from his nose, people kissing, and a pie-covered Fili being chased by a pink-haired Thorin.

* * *

_125\. I am not allowed to get the company genderbent. _

"Bippity boppity booo! I am not a shoe! Hashtags are cool, orcs are such fools, and Kili needs a lady!" Fil sang, waving Gandalf's staff around.

"Fili no!" Several voices cried out, but it was too late. The company disappeared in a puff of pink smoke. When the air cleared, twelve dwarf ladies stood in shock.

"What did you do?" Thorin howled as she felt her shorter beard, angrily batting her longer eyelashes.

"Well, now I guess you're called Thorinita!" Filia grinned, flipping her long, luscious blonde hair.

"We're…...women!" Doria spluttered, looking like a plump little grandma. Noria stood next to her, starfish braids braided with ribbon. Orialia shyly looked at her smaller hands.

"Fili what did you do?" Dwalalina growled, a full head of ratty hair covering her tattoos.

"Calm down." Balininia spoke, looking like Mrs Claus.

"My name is now Filia," Filia huffed.

"Where's my axe?" Gloinette cried, looking horrified at the smaller axe in her hands. Oinella tries calming her down. Her ear trumpet was carved with floral designs.

"I'm a woman!" Bofurta said, terrified. She felt her pigtails and winced. Bifurlee smirked. Bomburily ate a cronut.

At that moment, Kili walked in and whistled. "Who are all the lady dwarves?" He asked a startled Bilbo who also had just entered.

* * *

**And voila! Beautiful, if I may say so myself! What did you guys think of if? Leave a review if you have the time! And leave a longer review if you have even more time! ;) Thanks SO much to _KiliandFiliGirl _for leaving me such a long and lovely review! I love getting long reviews that I can reply back to! Oh! And don't forget the 'R' if you want a reply back from me! **

**I'm at 249 reviews, 99 favorites, and 92 follows right now! EEEEEE! I can't believe it! Oh, and you know what that means...? My 250th reviewer gets a whole chapter containing 7 rules they made up! So hurry and be my 250th reviewer!**

**The holidays are a time to be thankful, and I'm thankful to all of you guys! Thanks to everyone who's reviewed this story, favorited it, and followed it! Even thanks to the people who've just read it! I love all of you.**

**Happy Thanksgiving! Gobble gobble!**

**P.S. Don't forget to tell me, do you prefer Fili or Kili!? I choose Fili, how bout you?**

**Ta,**

**Olive**


	20. 126-131

**Hey guys, Olive here bringing you another chapter of this wonderful story! ;) I hope that everyone has had a great holiday, ONLY 2 WEEKS UNTIL CHRISTMAS! (I'm just happy that school will be done in a week) So thanks to _ACreativeHobbit _for being my 251st reviewer and _Thilbo4Ever _for being the 250th! (Thilbo had already gotten a chapter full of rules, so she gave it to the 251st! So This chapter contains all of _ACreativeHobbit_'s rules! Go Hobbit!**

**Enjoy! ;)**

* * *

_126\. I am not allowed to make a special potion that gives me a longer beard. Gloin doesn't like the competition._

"Alright Kili, I think it's time that we face our problem!" Fili said to his brother.

"Yeah!" Kili agreed. "The lack of little pink butterflies that flit around and grant wishes is a real dilemma!"

Fili rolled his eyes. "No, the OTHER problem!"

"The missing Santa Claus?"

"No, try again."

"The fact that we chucked uncle's prized throwing knife into that time portal?" Kili asked tentatively."

"No!" Fili frowned. "Though we still have to fix that. Our number one problem is that we both need bigger beards!"

"Yeah, especially since you shaved mine off a couple weeks ago," Kili grumbled.

"Luckily I," Fili pointed proudly at himself, "have come up with a recipe to make our beards grow! All we need are some ingredients….."

* * *

"Daisy petals?"

"Check!"

"Berries?"

"Check!"

"Essence of Thorin?"

"Ew. Check!"

"Cronut glaze?"

"Hehe, about that….."

"Kili! Did you eat the cronut and it's glaze?!"

"Ummmmmmm….."

"You have to give me your 'in case of emergencies cronut' then."

"Nooooooooooooo!"

"Kili."

"Urgh, fine."

"Last but not least, Ori's second sketchbook!"

"Check, but why do we need a notebook?"

"Cause his reactions are funny?"

"Mmmph. Good enough for me!"

"Now let's drink!"

"To future beards!" The brothers clinked glasses and gulped down the potion.

"Ooooh," Kili giggled as he fell to the floor. "I can feel a tingling in my chin….and everywhere else!"

"Gloin will be sooooo jealous when he sees our beards!" Fili sang, also slipping down beside his brother.

* * *

_127\. I am not allowed to ask Dwalin how one feels when one get's a tattoo on their head. You know, just out of curiosity._

"Hey Dwalin!" Kili cried as he skipped up to walk alongside the muscled dwarf.

"Kili," Dwalin grunted, focusing on his destination and not the annoying young prince beside him.

"Where are you off to?" Kili asked practically prancing.

"To run an errand for your uncle. He said it was top secr-"

"How does it feel to get a tattoo on your head?" The young dwarf suddenly burst out.

Dwalin coughed. "Excuse me?"

"I was just wondering because you don't have any hair on your head, well except for your beard, and I suddenly remembered all the tattoos. So I thought to myself, 'how does it feel to get a tattoo on one's head? To answer my question, I came over to ask you yourself since most dwarves don't have tattoos on their head. Then again, most dwarves have hair on their head. Oh, I didn't mean it that way, Mr Dwalin! I was just wondering! I didn't mean to offend you! Come back, Mr Dwalin! Come back! Phew, glad that I caught you! Hey, Mr Dwalin, you face is turning red, what does that mean? Oooh, you look angry. Do you keep your anger bottled up? Olive says its bad to do that, you should just let all that anger out! Then again, it may take a long time to do that because you have alot of anger, don't you Mr Dwalin? I can tell, there's anger in your eyes, in your soul, why, it's practically coming out of your ears! So just let that anger all out…..just as soon as you answer my question. I mean, does it feel like someone's tickling your scalp with a feather? Oh, that wouldn't work, it'd have to be a really sharp feather. Are there such things as sharp feathers? Hmmm, I'd better ask Fili that. Or does it feel like alot of bee stings on your head? Then again, why would some bees want to sting your head? Maybe they were angry bees, bees that have almost as much anger as you, Mr Dwalin! Maybe they were attracted to like-minded individuals, like YOU! Hey Mr Dwalin? You're walking away really fast, do you need to be going to that top secret errand for uncle that you were talking about? Oh, well then I guess I'll leave you alone. Byeee! But I will have to have an answer from you later…."

Dwalin, finally not being able to take it any longer, fled.

* * *

_128\. I am not allowed to adopt a family of ducks. Naming them after the company doesn't help uncle's mood either._

"Hi uncle!" Fili and Kili called out to Thorin simultaneously. Behind them waddled a single-file line of thirteen little ducks.

"Gah! Ducks!" Thorin jumped onto his chair, screeching. Then he frowned. "Wait what? Ducks?!"

Fili and Kili stopped at the chair, looking up at their uncle with beaming smiles. The ducks stopped their waddling and sat still.

"Fili, Kili," Thorin sighed, cautiously getting down from his chair. "Why, may I ask, do you have ducklings? You've already had Rhosgobel Rabbits, fake unicorns, and ALMOST a jackalope! Why in the world did you choose ducklings?!"

"Because they're sooooooooo cute!" Kili giggled. Even Fili looked at his brother scaredly.

"Anyway, we found them and decided to keep them!"

"Their names are Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Dori, Nori, Ori, Balin, Dwalin, Oin, Gloin, Kili, Fili, and Thorin Quackershield! We've named them each to represent our little company! They are called the Company of Thorin Quackershield, off to reclaim the Ducky Mountain, otherwise known as Beakabor!"

"I need a word with you two," Thorin grabbed his nephews by the scruffs of their necks and dragged them away as the company came to investigate the little birds.

* * *

_129\. I am not allowed to give Ori a tarantula for his birthday. A tarantula is not a puppy. Ori asked for a puppy. He didn't get one._

"Happy birthday Oripoo!" Fili cried as he and his brother trotted into the room.

"Oh, um thank you," Ori beamed nervously, eyeing the box with holes that Kili was carrying with caution.

Noticing Ori observing the box, Kili grinned devilishly. "Yes, of course we bought you a present!"

"It's what you've been asking for for forever!" Fili added, taking the box from his brother and placing it in Ori's eager hands.

"Really? Well thanks!" Ori grinned, knowing that all he had asked for was a puppy. They couldn't mess that up. He gently opened the box…...and screamed.

"Gah! Spider!" Ori screamed, flinging the box ten feet.

"A tarantula?" Fili frowned. He rounded on Kili. "We were supposed to get him a dog, not a giant spider!"

Kili frowned. "What? The salesman told me it was a puppy!"

"This is why I never let you do the shopping," Fili grumbled.

Ten feet away, Thorin shrieked as a giant spider landed in his dinner. Totally having a panic attack, the king ran away. Frowning, Dwalin picked up the creature.

"You're not that scary." He cooed, then laughed. "I think I'll call you…..Shelob!"

_130\. I am not a rainb-_

"I AM A RAINBOW," Fili screamed as he whizzed past his uncle, shirtless, every color of paint flying off of him. "I AM A RAINBOW, HEAR ME ROAR!"

Thorin stood there, dumbfounded, before quickly walking away and shielding his eyes. "You don't know him, you don't know him, you don't know him…"

_Never mind._

* * *

_131\. I am not allowed to call my sword a lightsaber and declare myself a Jedi. (In honor of the Star Wars VII trailer)_

"My lightsaber," Fili said seriously as he picked up one of his swords. Turning around, he held it in both hands, eyes closed.

"I, Fili, handsome prince under the mountain, declare myself a fulltime Jedi!" And with that, he pranced down the stairs and stuck his chest out pompously before walking into the bar.

"Cool lightsaber," he nodded to his brother.

* * *

**And voila! How was it? Leave a review, follow, favorite, or PM telling me! And don't forget the 'R' if ya want a reply! Thanks a million to everyone that reviewed, followed, and favorited the last chapter! I'm ever so grateful! Don't forget to leave a couple rules for me to write too! OH. MY. GOSH, I GOT PAST 100 FAVORITES! THANKS SO MUCH YOU GUYS!**

**Only 6 days until BOFA is released! Can't wait! How bout you?**

**See ya on the 24th! (Xmas Eve)**

**Ta,**

**Olive**


	21. 132-137

**Hey there, lovelies! Olive here, bringing you another chapter! Like I promised, (or I think I promised) this chapter would be up on Christmas. Actually, I'm writing this author's note at 12:37 PM on December 24th, Christmas Eve. I'm posting it at exactly midnight, in 11 hours. Cross your fingers that I make it perfectly! Oh, and guess what?! One year and three days ago I joined FanFiction! It's a big deal for me! ;) When did you join? Leave a review telling me!**

**So #132 was thought up by _LavenderCrystalOfRoses. _She and I decided that we wanted to beat the BOFA sorrow and make it cynical, go us! #134 was the idea of _SeaGem542, _#135 was the hilarious thought of _Soniccouples10, _#136 belongs to _Nuka, _and #133 and 137 were mine! **

**Enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

_132\. I am not allowed to make fun of Thorin's dead-eyes and his gold-sickness-that-hasn't-actually-happened-yet._

"What's with your eyes?" Kili peered into his uncle's eyes, startling Thorin.

"Gaah!" He cried, swatting his youngest nephew away.

"Yeah," Fili added. "They look so cold, cold and dead."

Thorin's eyes were neither cold nor dead. They were cynical and slowly filling with anger.

"And we really need to fix that gold sickness of yours," Fili continued.

"Yeah, it's really consuming you!"

"It's almost as bad as Smaug's!"

"And that's saying something!"

"Yeah! He burnt down an entire town!"

"I wonder what you'll do?"

"Probably banish us first!"

"Then realize what you've done…."

"And leave Erebor…."

"To open up that bakery we were talking about…"

"Yet it's across the street from….."

"NOTHORINLOVE!"

Somehow, Fili and Kili managed to survive that one.

* * *

_133\. I am not allowed to throw myself at Dwalin, screaming 'Let me love your, Mr Dwalin!'_

"MR DWALIN!" A voice shrieked. Dwalin turned around to find Kili running down the cobblestone street as fast as he could, arms flailing. "MR DWALIN!"

Dwalin, suddenly becoming nervous, turned his head and continued walking to the market.

"MR DWALIN! MR DWALIN!"

Dwalin quickened his pace, not daring to look back at the young Durin prince.

"MR DWALIN, WAIT UP, MR DWAIN!"

By that time Dwalin had broke into a sprint, running away from Kili. He was drawing attention to himself, but not as much as Kili was.

"MR DWALIN!" Kili had caught up to the older dwarf, flinging himself onto him and wrapping his arms around Dwalin's leg.

"Let me love you, Mr Dwalin," Kili hugged Dwalin's leg tighter.

Dwalin proceeded to walk down the street, dragging the Durin on his leg with him.

"I don't know him," he kept mumbling to pedestrians that were looking at him funny. "I don't know him." He saw Fili skipping down the streets holding a sword to his forehead, screaming rubbish things. The blonde Durin stopped, looked at Dwalin and his brother strangely, shrugged, and continued his promenade. Dwalin continued his tromp, Kili still clinging to him and mumbling nonsense.

Finally growing tired of booting the prince around, Dwalin grabbed Kili by the scruff of his neck, lifting him up so he was dangling a foot off the ground, grinning at him. Rolling his eyes, Dwalin dropped him.

"Mr Dwalin, let me love-" Kili began, reaching for Dwalin, but was stopped by the giant hand on his face.

"Mmmph Mrawmmph, Meetph meph mumphhh muuuuuuh!" Kili continued speaking with the hand over his whole face, flailing his arms in attempt to reach Dwalin.

"Why me," Dwalin whimpered.

* * *

_134\. I am not allowed to run down the streets of Bree, screaming 'I am a pretty pretty unicorn!' and attempting to skewer Company members with my horn. (sword)_

"WHOOPTIDOO!" Fili screamed as he pranced down the stony streets of Bree. "I AM A PRETTY PRETTY UNICORN! WHOOPTIDOO!"

The blonde dwarf was smiling from ear to ear as he leapt and bounded past people, searcing for specific ones. Grinning, he spotted a familiar dwarf.

"NORI!" He howled, tromping up to the thief. Nori turned around and gave a little wave with his hand then turned back to his business with a stand owner. Fili crept up behind him, pretended to skewer him with his "horn" and then ran away, giggling madly.

"I'M A PRETTY UNICORN!" Fili continued howling. "PRETTY PRETTY ME!" He stopped for a second as he saw an annoyed dragging his brother along. Kili was hugging the warrior's leg, mumbling random things. Shrugging, Fili turned in the other direction and continued skipping. "I'M A UNICORN!"

Ori, having bought some ink from the marketplace and was walking back to the Prancing Pony, heard the commotion and turned to see what was happening. He saw Fili running through the streets, yelling something about a unicorn, holding his sword to his forehead and pretending to skewer Nori, then Balin, then Bifur. Ori's bit his lip nervously as Fili's ice blue eyes landed on him, lighting up as he started towards the scribe.

"No no no no no," Ori mumbled as he quickened his pace.

"Orrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii….." Fili sang as he cavorted after the dwarf, "horn" and all.

* * *

_135\. I am not allowed to discuss My Little Ponies with the company. Adding on to that, Thorin isn't 'a grumpier version of Princess Celestia.'_

Turning to Bofur, Kili began. "You'd be Applejack."

Bofur scrunched up his nose. "Apple? What're ye talkin' about, lad?"

"Not apple, Apple_jack," _Kili rolled his eyes. "You're orange and have some apples on your butt, if that helps."

Which Bofur even more confused.

"What're you two doing?" Thorin growled.

"We're determining which pony you'd be from My Little Pony. Dah." Kili said, shaking his head as if it was the most obvious thing.

"I think Ori would be Fluttershy, don't you think?" Fili said, stroking his chin. "Cause he's so quiet and loves nature and all that jazz?"

"I agree." Kili nodded to Ori. "You have butterflies on your butt."

Ori was horrified.

"Dwalin would definitely be Rainbow Dash. Agreed?"

"Agreed."

"And what, or who, is a Rainbow Dash?" Dwalin growled, crossing his arms at Kili. He still hadn't forgiven the brunette for hugging his leg for a good fifteen minutes.

"You're blue and have a lightning bolt rainbow on your bum!" Fili grinned.

Dwalin wasn't happy.

"Next, Dori would be Rarity." Kili cried.

"Yeah!"

"I don't want to know what'd be on my butt," Dori mumbled.

"Diamonds!" Fili and Kili sang.

"Our dear Balin would be Twilight Sparkle, because they both do that thing with that feather thing and move it on that blank thing." Fili made a motion with his hand.

"You mean writing?" Balin raised an eyebrow.

"Right on!" The brothers high-fived.

"Easy! Bombur would be Pinkie Pie!" Kili squealed.

"Cause they both love food!" Fili added.

"Food," Bombur sighed. The young Durins high-fived again.

"Oooh! Oin would be Zecora!" Fili clapped his hands together.

"Is that an illness, or did I hear you wrong?" Oin grumbled.

"Zecora is a zebra!" Fili continued.

"You're a zebra!" Kili giggled. "And lastly…"

"Scootaloo,"

"And Apple Bloom,"

"At your service!" The brothers bowed, grinning. They were met with blank stares.

"That's everyone!" Fili exclaimed.

"What about the rest of us?" Gloin growled, indicating himself, Bifur, and Nori.

Kili waved his hand. "You guys can be random ponies #16, 87, and 241."

"Great," Nori mumbled.

"And what about me?" Thorin raised an eyebrow at his nephews, smirking.

"Princess Celestia," Fili said without a second thought.

"Except alot grumpier cause she's WAY too nice to be you!" Kili beamed.

Thorin didn't appreciate it.

* * *

_136\. I am not allowed to try to woo any elf maidens. Surprisingly, some of them aren't maidens. I repeat, some aren't maidens._

"I bet I can do better than you ever could," Fili smirked. The two brothers were sitting at the fountain in the town square, looking at all of the Mirkwood elves that were milling about.

"Oh yeah?" Kili fumed. "I doubt that. I bet you anything I can woo one of them faster than you ever could!" He smiled smugly. "Besides, I do happen to have that extra two and a half inches in height that you happen to lack!"

Fili reddened. "M'not short," he grumbled, sitting up taller.

Kili smirked, knowing he hit a hot spot. "Course you aren't, Fee. Course you aren't. It's just that I'm, how to put this, _taller_."

Fili growled. "Well at least _I _have muscles." He sniggered. "And a more appealing face to look at."

"So do I!" Kili howled. "Just look at it!" He attempted a seductive smile and steamy, dreamy eyes, only making him look ridiculous.

"Nice try, baby brother," Fili chortled after picking himself up off the ground from laughing so hard and moving to sit back down

After more bickering, some insults, and a smack to the head, Fili and Kili had a bet. A bet both Durins were determined to win. Fili went first.

Standing up and adding a swagger into his step, the blonde prince strolled over to a pair of pretty elf maidens, both with coppery colored hair who were quietly chatting to one another. Kili watched, yawning, as his brother stepped up to them, grinning. He then began talking to them, never once dropping the attractive smile plastered on his face. Kili rolled his eyes as Fili made them giggle and blush.

Five minutes later, after bidding them goodbye, Fili pranced back over to his brother.

"Five minutes, beat that!" Fili beamed, plopping himself down. He held up a slip of paper. "I also managed to snag both of their room numbers at the inn they're staying at." He wiggled his eyebrows.

Kili scoffed. "Easy peasy," he cracked his knuckles. "I bet I can woo one in _two _minutes!"

"Good luck with that," Fili snorted, ruffling his brother's hair.

Scowling at him, Kili smoothed down his hair, stood up, saw the back of a blonde haired elf maiden, and paraded over to her.

"Excuse me miss?" Kili tapped her shoulder. "Did it hurt when you fell from the heavens?" He smirked, knowing the pickup line he heard from Olive would work.

"Pardon?!" The 'maiden' asked in a deep voice. Turning, the elf revealed the face of Legolas, prince of Mirkwood. He frowned. "State your business, dwarf."

Kili's cheeks could've put tomatoes to shame. Mumbling a quick apology, he turned around and hurried away as fast as he could. He made his way over to Fili, who was laughing so hard that he fell into the fountain.

* * *

_137\. I am not allowed to try to bring Christmas back to the company. (in reference to rule #77)_

"Merry Christmas!" Fili and Kili burst into the bar of the Prancing Pony, dressed in red and green, throwing tinsel around.

"Deja vu," Thorin mumbled, remembering the last time his two nephews shouted that.

"It's the holidays!" Kili sang.

"This time it actually is!" Fili beamed. "Last time we introduced you to Christmas, it was the wrong time of the year. But after confirming it with Olive, Christmas is today!"

"Have some cookies!" Kili cried, throwing cookies this way and that. Bombur threw himself onto the floor, eating the fallen cookies.

"Confetti!" Fili threw red and green confetti. "Pine needles!" He threw those too.

"Hugs! Seasons greetings!" Kili ran around, screaming 'Happy Holidays!' and hugging company members.

"Look!" Fili gasped, pointing to the door. "It's Santa and his elf helper!"

"Don't worry uncle, it's not a real elf," Kili whispered to his fuming uncle.

Balin walked glumly into the room dressed in red and white robes and a matching hat with black mittens and boots. Trailing behind him, and equally gloomy, Bilbo came. The hobbit was dressed in red and green striped shirt and pants, a green vest, a pointy hat, and ridiculous curly-toed shoes that barely covered his big hobbit feet.

"Ho ho ho," Balin sighed in a monotone. "I am the great Santa Claus, here to bring you presents."

The Durin boys clapped their hands.

"I hope you've all been good little-," Balin paused momentarily to look at his hand where his lines were sloppily written in black ink. "-dwarves. If you haven't been good-" another peak at his hand. "-you'll get coal."

Then it was Bilbo's turn. The hobbit looked at his hand and began to read. "Um, giggle giggle. I'm the silly elf, helper to Santa. I-" He squinted at his lines. "-bring holiday cheer?Cue dancing?" He raised an eyebrow at the brothers.

"Dance," Fili mouthed to him.

Rolling his eyes, the grumpy hobbit began to prance around in circles, 'dancing.'

"Did you bring us presents, Santa?" Kili asked in a rehearsed voice.

Balin groaned. "Yes, little dwarfling. I, Santa Claus have brought you a gift." Kili clapped his hands again. Reaching into his 'sack of toys', Balin pulled out a broken arrow and handed it to Kili.

"A broken arrow?" The brunette frowned.

"Yes." Balin grumbled. Kili shot him a look so he continued. "Er, I _mean, _it's a very special arrow. The very first arrow ever made and shot out of a bow."

"Wow!" Kili's eyes were as big as saucers. "Why's it broken?"

"It was trying to take off an annoying Durin prince's head but it missed," Balin muttered.

"Enjoy the festivities!" Fili waved. "Be sure to talk to Santa!"

"Now let's find uncle and Bilbo," Kili muttered to his brother, holding up a stick with a string and mistletoe attached to it. Fili grinned, holding up a 'Bagginshield' sign.

"I was thinking the exact same thing."

* * *

**Voila! How was it? Leave a review, follow, or favorite if you've got the time! Don't forget a 'r' if ya want a reply! Thanks so much to everyone who's already done that! Also, leave me a rule you want me to write!**

**So rule #133 was inspired by a DeviantArt I love! It's called _The Hobbit _by _TheDandyDragon_! Check it out, it's awesome! Speaking of art, my lovely friend _ACreativeHobbit _has been making some art for some of the rules in this story! Go to her profile and go to the link she provides! They are amazing and make me smile so much! ;) Again, if you have the time, go to ACreativeHobbit on Blogspot!**

**HAPPY CHRISTMAS! HAPPY HOLIDAYS! I hope you guys are having some great holidays! I'm excited for Christmas, but I'm also happy because it's winter break and I DON'T HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL! (Freedom)**

**Okay...BOFA. Has anyone seen it yet? I can't see it until December 29th! So sad! :( But if ya want to...*whispers* give me some spoilers! I've already heard that Fili and Kili's deaths are horrible! Fili gets ABSOLUTELY NO recognition! :( **

**Speaking of my darling Fee and Kee, don't forget to tell me which one you like better!**

**HOPE I POST THIS AT EXACTLY 12:00 AM!**

**Happy Christmas from your friend Olive! ;)**

**Potatoes gonna potate, tomatoes gonna tomate, Olives gonna...olive!**

**Ta!**


	22. 138-144

**Hey guys, Olive here! I'm SO sorry for the delay in updating! I know this is a cliche FanFiction author note, but my computer crashed so I haven't been able to post! (I think I need a new one) So thank you for your patience! And thank you SOOOO much to anyone who's reviewed, favorited, or followed this story!**

**I was going to wait to post a chapter until Thursday, but while I was at a swim meet today, I got a review from _Danae _(guest). She said it was her birthday today and was hoping I'd post a chapter today! So as soon as I got home from the swim meet, I ran to my computer and started rapidly typing this chapter! (I FINALLY got it done) I do promise to continue my normal updating pattern of every other Thursday, though. Anywho, happy birthday Danae!**

**So #138 was an idea of _KiliandFiliGirl, _#140 was thought up by _Amethyst Rose, _#141 was the idea of our very own _Danae, _#142 was that of _LavenderCrystalOfRoses, _**

* * *

_138\. Dwalin is not the King of Erebor. Neither is Ori. Nor is Oin. Thranduil? No. Bombur is most definitely not. THORIN IS. I will remember this for future times._

"All hail the King of Erebor!" Fili cried gleefully as he pranced up to Dwalin. The blonde then proceeded to bowing and chanting.

Dwalin, completely dumbfounded, secretly enjoyed it.

"All hail King Dwalin of Erebor! All hail the king! All hair Dwalin! All hail King Under the Mountain! All hail-"

Thorin, having enough of the nonsense, got up, dragging his nephew away by the ear. Dwalin, though he begged to differ, was secretly sad about that.

"Fili," Thorin sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, "Dwalin isn't the King of Erebor."

Fili frowned. "Yes he is, uncle!"

Thorin mimicked his nephew's glower. "No, he isn't."

Fili smirked. "You're jealous of Dwalin! You're sooooooooo jealous! You're so jelly, I can see it coming out of your ears! You're jeeeeeellllllyyyyyyyyyy-"

Thorin, after removing his hand from his nephew's annoying mouth, composed himself. "Fili." The blonde nodded, grinning. "_I'm _the King of Erebor. You know this."

"No you're not!"

"Well Dwalin certainly isn't!"

"Well if Dwalin isn't the king…...then Ori is!"

"Yes that's righ-wait what?! No! Ori most certainly is not!"

"Then it must be Oin!"

"Guess again."

"Oooh! Thranduil?"

"...I'm disowning you."

"No wait, I've finally figured out who it is!"

"Yes…..?"

"After all this time, how did I not see it?!"

"Keep going…."

"It's obviously…"

"Yeeeeeessssssss…"

"Bombur!"

Cue facepalm. "Fili! NO! I, ME, THORIN! I'M KING! MEEEEEEE!"

"Calm down uncle," Fili grumbled. "No need to be jealous."

Thorin smirked. "Well then if I'm not King of Erebor, then that doesn't make you a prince!"

Fili froze, widened his eyes, and slowly turned to his smug uncle. Laughing nervously, Fili zoomed to his uncle's side and started bowing and fanning him.

"Hehe….all hail Thorin, King Under the Mountain…"

"Now that's more like it…"

* * *

_139\. I am not allowed to tell everybody that my uncle is a butler and would kindly take their coats. Uncle is not a butler._

"Here ya go," a tall man with long blonde hair tossed his coat into the arms of Thorin. The dwarf scowled, looking up at the man.

"What's this for-" The king was cut off as a hobbit woman rushed in, spotted him, and threw her velvet coat to him.

"Thank you!" She called.

"What in the name of-" Thorin spluttered.

A human woman walked in, saw him, and dumped all her luggage on him. "My room is 26," she huffed as she strolled away.

A man with his wife and three children all shoved their outerwear and bags into the arms of the bewildered king.

"I demand to know what is going on here!" Thorin roared. "What is the-" He was cut off yet again as a huge group of men came into the Prancing Pony, laughing and punching each other in the arms. Spotting him, one by one, coats went off and onto the poor dwarf.

"...help?"

Outside….

"Don't forget, a nice dwarf named Thorin is the butler of the Prancing Pony!" Kili called to passing people and hobbits.

"He'll kindly take your coats and luggage," Fili added as he told people entering the inn.

"You won't be able to miss him-"

"He's the one with a super grumpy face-"

"And a mean voice."

"Oh! And he'll be covered in coats!"

"Have a nice stay at the Prancing Pony!"

Fili tapped his chin as he watched people on horses and ponies and in carts ride by. "You know," he mumbled to his brother, "Dwalin would make a very nice valet for parking…."

* * *

_140\. I am not allowed to shave Fili's beard off in retaliation. No matter how much revenge has been consuming me._

"Sweet dreams, brother," Kili smirked as he left his snoring brother's room.

The next morning…..

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAH! MY LOVELY GOLDEN BEARD! MY SILKY LOCKS! IT'S GOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEE! MY BEARD! NOW I'LL NEVER BE AS MAJESTIC AS THORIN! NOW I'LL NEVER BE MAJESTIC, PERIOD! MY BEAAARRDDDDD!" Pause. "KIIIIIIILLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

* * *

_141\. I am not allowed to start a men's choir (the company) and have them sing 'what shall we do with a drunken sailor (a really cool song) to a drunk person. (Dwalin)_

"Fili's Fabulous (not) Female Choir," Fili clapped his hands at the company, "let's begin! 1,2,3, 4!"

"What will we do with a drunken sailor, what will we do with a drunken sailor, what will we do with a drunken sailor early in the mooooooooorninnnggggggggggg?" The company sang, off key, I might add.

Nori stepped forward for his solo. "Way hay and up she rises, way hay and up she rises, way hay and up she rises early in the moooorninnnggg!" Fili gave him a thumbs up as he stepped back.

Then Gloin stepped forward. "Shave his belly with a rusty razor, shave his belly with a rusty razor, shave his belly with a rusty razor early in the morninnnnnnnggggggg!" Fili grinned.

The whole company burst into song. " Way hay and up she rises, way hay and up she rises, way hay and up she rises early in the moooorninnnggg!"

Next it was a very enthusiastic Kili. "Put him in the longboat til he's sober, put him in the longboat til he's sober, put him in the longboat til he's sober early in the morrrrrrrrnniiiiiiiiiingggggggggggg!" Fili wiped an imaginary tear from his cheek, mouthing: 'so proud' as his brother returned to his place.

"Way hay and up she rises, way hay and up she rises, way hay and up she rises early in the moooorninnnggg!" The company continued.

Then it was Bofur. "Stick him in the scrubbers with a hosepipe on him, stick him in the scrubbers with a hosepipe, stick him in the scrubbers with a hosepipe early in the mooooooorrrrninnnnngggggg!" Fili blew kisses.

The whole company continued. "Way hay and up she rises, way hay and up she rises, way hay and up she rises early in the moooorninnnggg!"

Next it was Dori. "Put him in bed with the captain's daughter, put him in bed with the captain's daughter, put him in bed with-"

The sleeping Dwalin, whom they had been performing to, had awaken and shouted: "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"

Fili, his choir clipboard in hand, glared at him. "Dwalinnnnnnnnn," he drawled. "You just ruined Dori's solo!" Turning to Dori he added: "It was a very nice solo." Dori puffed out his chest.

"Why were you singin' to me?" The warrior was confused.

"Because Fili's Fabulous (not) Female Choir wanted to wake you, the drunken sailor, up!"

"Drunken sailor? What are ye talkin about?" Dwalin grumbled.

"Ssssssssssh! Be drunk again!" Fili hit Dwalin over the head with his clipboard. Dwalin immediately drifted to sleep. Satisfied, Fili turned to Dori. "Continue, my good man."

So Dori continued. "Put him in bed with the captain's daughter, put him in bed with the captain's daughter, put him in bed with the captain's daughter early in the mooooooooorninnnnngggggggggggggggggg!"

* * *

_142\. I am not allowed to give uncle Thorin the Rhosgobel rabbits to babysit._

"Uuuuuuuunnnnncclllllllleeeeeeeeeeeee…"

Thorin, knowing exactly who was calling him, turned around and ran.

"UNCLE!" Fili and Kili tackled him, sending them all sprawling to the ground.

"Uncle!" Fili repeated from on top of Thorin. "Can we ask you a favor?"

Thorin looked wildly between the two and made his move. Throwing Fili off of him and booting Kili aside, the king made a run for it…..only to be tackled down again.

"You can't escape ussssss," Kili sang as he bounced from his perch on his uncle.

"Why me," the older dwarf whimpered.

"You know, why does everybody always say that when we're around us?" Kili frowned, asking his brother. Fili only shrugged in reply.

"Anyway uncle, we were hoping that you could babysit out Rhosgobel Rabbits for us?" Fili asked hopefully.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO! ANYTHING BUT THIS!" Thorin howled and looked angrily to the sky. "AULE, ARE YOU PUNISHING ME?! WHAT'D I DO? WHAT'D I DOOOOOOOOOOO?"

"Jeez uncle," Kili mumbled. "No need to be so touchy!"

"I refuse to watch your….animals!" Thorin growled.

"They aren't animals," Fili huffed. "Their names are Fluffy, Cutiecicle, Arnold, Angeldiddlybop, Numnum, Woowoodarling, Sweetiepie, Babykins, Necromanceria, and Thorin Jr!"

"Thorin Jr," the king grumbled.

"Anyway, here they are! We're off to a convention with Olive in the future! Byeeeeee!" With that, his nephews shoved the ten fluffy rabbits into his arms and made a run for it.

"Rabbits…." The king whimpered. "Keep track of the rabbits. Why couldn't it have been keep track of the butterflies?"

"What's wrong with Thorin?" Nori asked Dwalin, jabbing his thumb in the direction of the trembling king and ten bunnies.

The warrior shook his head. "He's just not an animal lover. Then again, not all pet owners are as lucky as me. Isn't that right, Shelob?" He cooed to the spider.

* * *

_143\. Even though I got hit with a poisonous arrow and all that jazz, uncle will not sing 'soft kitty' for me. Nobody would pity me THAT much._

"Uncle?" Kili asked angelically, making a show of rubbing his wound tentatively.

"Yes Kili?" Thorin replied kindly.

"Will you sing me 'soft kitty' please?"

"...Pardon?"

"Soft kitty."

"No." Cue majestic exit.

"It was worth a shot," Kili shrugged.

* * *

_144\. I am not allowed to chuck flaming pinecones at random people from a second-story window. Throwing buckets of water afterwards as an 'I'm sorry' doesn't help much either._

"Pinecones are fire…..pinecones are death!" Fili cried as he chucked a flaming pinecone (lit by none other than Gandalf's staff) down into the crowds.

"Revenge? REVENGE? I will show you revenge!" Kili added as he threw the fiery pinecones too. Shouts of confusion could be heard from the street.

"What the-"

"Aurgh!"

"Is this _fire?"_

"Pinecones are fire, pinecones are death," Fili called below, rather annoyed. "Didn't you hear me the first time?"

"Pinecones?"

"AAAAAAAH!"

"OUCH! HOT!"

"What in the world?"

"FLAMING PINECONES ARE FALLING FROM THE SKY! TAKE COVER!"

"It's actually a rather interesting natural cause!"

"Do you think flattery will keep you alive?" Kili grinned, tossing another pinecone.

"...ouch."

"Should we get Thorin?" The brothers could hear Nori ask.

"The King Under the Mountain is gone! I took his throne and ate his people like a wolf among sheep! I kill where I wish, WHEN I wish! My armor is iron, no blade can pierce me!" Fili cried.

"I'm already here, Nori," Thorin could be heard from below. "Fili, Kili! Come down here and give me those pinecones!"

"You will take nothing from me, dwarf! I laid low your warriors of old. I instilled terror in the hearts of men. I AM KING UNDER THE MOUNTAIN!" Fili howled.

"You two, stop this nonsense now! Or so help me you'll be punished!" Their uncle shouted.

"My teeth are swords! My claws are spears! My wings are a hurricane! YOU CANNOT HURT ME!" Kili cried and the two proceeded to throw more flaming pinecones.

"Ouch!"

"Yowza!"

"Sweet mother of monkey milk!"

"Hey!"

"What in the name of-"

"OW!"

"Fili, Kili! Stop it!" Thorin shouted.

"No!" The brothers chorused, throwing their flaming weapons.

"I'll write to your mother."

As if on cue, the flaming pinecones stopped falling and two head, one blonde and one brunette peeked their over the windowsill and looked down at Thorin.

"Don't tell Mother," Fili moaned.

"Anything but that" Kili whimpered.

Thorin smirked. "Then stop throwing flaming pinecones, fix this mess, and apologize!"

"Fine," the brothers grumbled.

Their heads disappeared. Thorin, along with the random people of Bree, waited crossly. Then suddenly, buckets of water were dropping from the window.

"FILI! KILI!"

"That's our 'we're sorry for setting fire to pinecones and throwing them at you'." Kili called down.

"So, we're sorry!" Fili grinned as they proceeded to toss more buckets.

* * *

_**Danae: **_**Happy birthday, darling! Thank you so much for your long review and abundance of support! I'm so glad that this story can make you smile and laugh! (And freak your family out too, that's good too!) I know! I feel like I made this perfect little sugary world for Fili and Kili in this story, blocking out the reality of their hard lives in the book and movies. In a way, stories like these protect them. Am I making sense? Yes? No? Aw, thanks for the oodles of compliments! I wouldn't really call this 'talent', but thanks anyway! Oh, don't worry! *snorts* I'll make it to 200 rules all right! (Maybe 300 even! You can't get rid of me that easily!) Your rules are AMAZING! Haha, I love them! Although I only used one of them in this chapter, there'll be more in alter chaps! I know, it's hard to choose Fili over Kili or vice versa. They're always together! Haha, meld them into one body?! Awesome! If only that were possible...Anywho, have a really happy birthday, all good wishes from me! Have a nice day! (Or night, in my case)**

**TAAA DAAAAAA! BABOOSH! I updated! Aren't y'all proud of me!? No? Thanks again for all my patient readers, I couldnt've updated without your support! And if you have a rule you thought up, send it on over! Remember, my 300th reviewer gets a whole chapter of their rules! So review if you have the time, and add a 'r' to it if you want a reply! (Oooh, or if you REALLY wanted to, I could mention you!) OH, and wish Danae happy birthday! ;) **

**Yes, yes Fili and Kili were quoting Smaug! I just couldn't resist myself. And Thorin has a fear of rabbits. (LavenderCrystalOfRoses called it something. Leporiphobia, was it? Correct me if I'm wrong. I feel like I should add more Thranduil in my story, how bout it? Some spice from the Party King could help! And yes, Dwalin has a pet spider named Shelob! Which, I think, should be the very same Shelob from LOTR! (How smart am I?!)**

**(Sorry for the long author's note!)**

**So I've asked you if you liked Fili or Kili better, but which would you rather be in love with? I'm still sticking with Fili.**

**Have a nice night and I'll see you on January 30th!**

**Ta,**

**Olive**

**P.S. Are there any AMAZING Hobbit stories that I should read? Just wondering if you have suggestions!**


	23. 145-151

**Hey guys! Olive here bringing you a new chapter like what was promised! Sorry if this chapter doesn't meet your standards, I wasn't really into it today. But don't worry, next update I'll be in my full groove!**

**And a huge thank you to everyone who read, reviewed, followed, and favorited the last chapter! *air kisses***

**So #145 was an idea of _Dwarven Lass_'s, #146 and 148 were those of _fardreamer333, _#147 was made up by _Danae, _ and finally, #149 was that of _AracaranElentari's. _**

**Enjoy the chappie!**

* * *

_145\. I am not allowed to interrupt Gandalf, uncle, and Bilbo's smoke-ring-blowing with a lecture on the hazards of smoking. Apparently there's no such thing as lung cancer in Middle Earth._

"Gandalf! Uncle! Bilbo! What are you doing?" Fili gasped as he rushed over to the trio. The three of them had been sitting peacefully on a bench in the town's square, blowing quite impressive smoke rings when the young prince had spotted them.

"Enjoying the peace and quiet?" Bilbo said, bemused.

"And now that's over," Thorin mumbled, taking his pipe out of his mouth.

"What is it you need Fili?" Gandalf asked patiently, ignoring the king's last comment.

Fili frowned. "You're all smoking."

"So?" Thorin snorted.

"So," Fili huffed. "you could get lung cancer!"

Bilbo choked on his pipe. "Excuse me?"

"Lung cancer. Dah."

"Never heard of such a thing," Thorin mumbled. "So it mustn't be real."

"Oh it is," Fili widened his eyes. "It's really really bad! You don't want to get it!"

"Why?" Bilbo asked, setting his pipe down.

"Um," Fili faltered. He hadn't asked Olive that much about it. "Well, er, you see…..Um….You erupt in boils!"

"Boils?" Thorin raised an eyebrow.

"Oh yes! Major boils! And then you, er, grow a mustache! A really long, black, curled one!"

"A mustache?" Bilbo was skeptical.

"Major mustache! And then you get these horrible cravings for….muffins!"

"Muffins," Thorin nodded.

"Bombur's muffins! Then when you steal them he kills you. So basically, don't smoke because lung cancer will kill you!" And with that, Fili skipped off proudly, knowing he helped save three lives that day.

As he was walking away, Gandalf, Thorin and Bilbo could hear him mutter: "I saved lives! I should start a campaign called The Dangers and Negative Health Effects of Tobacco Use! Yeah…..OOOH, or maybe Fili's Fantastic Freeing of Fetal Disease! Yeah…...Now I'll go save some more lives!"

"He's hopeless," Thorin shook his head. The other two nodded in agreement. All three simultaneously blew a large smoke ring.

* * *

_146\. _ _I am not allowed to hold my breath until I turn blue._

"What's wrong with the lad?" Dwalin nodded his head in the direction of Kili. Bofur and Nori turned to see the young dwarf sitting at the bar, frowning, cheeks puffed up.

"Oi, Kili!" Bofur called out. Kili looked over. "What're you doing?"

Kili waved and pointed at his cheeks. He then pointed at his throat and shook his head.

"His cheeks are in love with his throat but their love is banned?" Nori guessed.

"He's a chipmunk that swallowed an extra big nut and now can't talk?" Dwalin snorted. "Not that that'd be a bad thing."

Bofur smirked. "Idiots. I think he's trying to hold his breath and he can't talk right now." Kili applauded him.

"It's kind of freaking me out," Nori said as they proceeded to watch the prince hold his breath for another minute.

"Yeah," Bofur agreed. "Alright Kili, you can stop now." Kili frowned and shook his head.

"Lad, you're going to kill yourself if you don't breathe anytime soon," Nori chuckled.

For another thirty seconds the three of them watched Kili as he started to turn blue.

Dwalin sighed. "Thorin's going to kill us if we watch his nephew blow up from the lack of air."

"Agreed." Nori waved at Kili. "Lad, you can stop now."

Kili rolled his eyes at them, still blue in the face. He shook his head again.

"Kili, you've proved your point that you can hold your breath. Now stop."

After another thirty seconds, Kili picked up a mirror he had sitting next to him. He peered into it and saw his blue face. Satisfied, he let his breath out, breathing in and out deeply.

When he regained himself, he turned to see three very confused dwarves.

"Fili said that if I could hold my breath until I turned blue then he'd hook me up with someone named Serenity. He said he'd help me find 'the serenity I was lacking in my life'." Kili grinned. "I hope she's pretty."

"I don't think I've ever met someone this stupid," Nori mumbled.

Right on cue, Fili rushed through the bar of the Prancing Pony, holding a flaming branch. "HEEEELLLPPPPPP! FIRE! FIRE! I LIKE FIRE BUT FIRE DOESN'T LIKE ME! NEVER TRY PLAYING WITH FIRE! HEELLLLLPPPPPPPP!"

"I stand corrected," Nori smirked.

* * *

_147\. I am not allowed to sing Let it Go every time someone puts something on the table._

"Aah, ale," Dwalin sighed as he plopped into an empty chair at the table the company shared. He set his tankard of ale down.

"Let it go, let it go! Can't hold it back anymore!" Dwalin's eyes shot up as he looked around to see who had started singing. Everybody else looked just as confused.

"I've got dinner!" Bombur sang as he practically twirled into the room carrying an enormous tray piled high with food. He proudly set the tray onto the giant table.

"LET IT GOOOOO! LET IT GOOOOO, I AM ONE WITH THE WIND AND SKYYYYYYYYY!" Twelve heads shot up and looked wildly around.

"Let it go?" Balin grumbled.

"Let it go," the singing voice confirmed.

Eighteen more times, each time someone set something down, two voices began to sing about letting go and concealing and not feeling.

"Alright, that's it," Dwalin slammed his fist on the table after the voices sang about cold not being bothersome. "What is goin' on here?"

"Let it go," the voice whispered as soon as his fist hit the table.

"Our table is haunted!" Ori shireked.

Fili and Kili snickered from under the 'haunted table'.

* * *

_148\. I am not allowed to befriend Legolas because I want an 'archery buddy'. _

Kili swaggered up to Legolas.

"Hey elfie ol' pal! Buddy of mine! Lover or arrow shooting! Buddy! Princelette! Old-yet-young-looking-friend! Brother before-"

"What do you want, dwarf?" The prince of Mirkwood frowned. He cocked his head. "Aren't you the one who flirted with me?"

Kili reddened and mumbled something incoherent.

Legolas furrowed his brow and began to walk away.

"Leggy! Princey! Lassie! Legolassy! Mirkwoodlette! Brother before m-"Kili trotted next to him.

The elf sighed. "What do you want?" He repeated.

"Can we be archery buddies?" The dwarf asked seriously.

Legolas choked. "Pardon?"

"Archery buddies!"

"What's an archery buddy?"

"Someone who likes archery and is a buddy. Dah."

"Um, okay?"

"Yay!"

"..."

"..."

Cue nervous coughing. "What do archery buddies do?"

"How should I know?"

"Well because you-oh, never mind!"

"..."

"Why are you staring at me with that weird look on your face?"

"What hair product do you use?"

"Excuse me?"

"How does your hair stay so straight and glossy even when you're bashing orc heads into the ground? There must be some secret to it! Tell me!"

"No, there's no secret."

"Tell meeee."

"But I swear, it's natural!"

"Tellllll meeeeeeeeeee."

"I was born with it."

"Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's Maybelline."

"I thought we got over the fact that I'm not a female. Do we need to talk about this again?"

"Telllllllll meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"No!" Cue exit.

"Telll meee-hey, where're you going? Archery buddy? Hey archery buddy? Where're you going archery buddy? Friend…..buddy…...brother before mother…...buddy…..archer…..Leggypoo….buddy ol' pal….."

* * *

_149\. I am not allowed to say that I am not allowed to do things. Especially things Thorin says._

"Fili, you left your pile of knives on the table pick them up."

"I'm sorry uncle, but I can't."

"And why not?"

"Because I'm not allowed to." Cue exit.

"W-what?"

* * *

"Kili, give me back my sword and coat."

"No can do uncle."

"Why?"

"Because it's against the rules."

"Say what now?"

* * *

"Fili, you left your second pile of knives in my room, go get them out of there."

"Can't."

"Why."

"Not allowed to."

"Says who?"

* * *

"Kili! Fili! Give me the remedy to that potion you slipped in Dwalin's drink!"

"Nope."

"WHY?"

"We aren't allowed to."

"Plus I think Dwalin makes a very lovely giraffe, don't you think so Fili?"

"Oh yes, very lovely indeed."

* * *

"You lads have been driving Thorin crazy all day," Balin sighed to the princes. "Why won't you obey him?"

Fili sighed dramatically. "We want to!"

"Yeah!" Kili added. "But we aren't allowed to do things that Thorin says."

* * *

_150\. I am not allowed to shout 'Make way for the King of Erebor or he'll order his minons eliminate you!' or anything in the lines of that._

"Make way for the King of Erebor!" Kili shouted, pushing his way through the crowds.

"Make way for the King Under the Lonely Mountain!" Fili cried, dragging his uncle behind him by the wrist.

"Make way for General Grumpygrumps!"

"Make way for Lord Loudmouth!"

"Make way for Baron Bad Breath!"

"Make way for Duke Duckylord!"

"Make way for Emperor Emps!"

"Make way for Chief Crabbypants!"

"Make way for Uncle Ugly!"

"Make way for Master Monster!"

"Make way for-"

"You two, knock it off!" Thorin hissed at the brothers. "I am not 'chief crabbypants' nor am I 'uncle ugly'. I'm King Under the Mountain and I hope you'll remember that. Now if I get any more distractions on my _peaceful _stroll, you won't live to see tomorrow." With a huff, the king walked away majestically.

Fili and Kili followed.

"Make way for the _King _of Erebor-"

"Or he'll order his minions-"

"To-"

"Eliminate-"

"You!"

"Also watch out for Thorin Quackershield, he can be pretty aggressive too."

"Conceal don't feel," Thorin mumbled to himself. "Conceal don't feel."

* * *

_151\. The ancient creature of truth and beauty's crown is not horse food._

"Whew!" Fili sighed. "I'm glad that I found you some food Mindy!" He stroked the pony. "It may be a little poky and hard to swallow but I'm pretty sure you'll like it!"

The light colored pony snorted as she chewed on the object Fili was holding out to her.

"MY CROWN!" An ancient creature of truth and beauty howled. "MY CROWN! WHAT IS THAT DWARF DOING? I AM THE KING OF MIRKWOOD AND THAT MONSTER OF AN ANIMAL IS EATING MY CROWN! SOMEONE GO GET IT FOR ME! (When I'm around dwarves for too long I break out) SOMEONE GO GET MY CROWN! MY CROWN! THIEF! SOMEONE GO GET MY CROWN FOR ME! SOLDIERS! THIS IS YOUR KING SPEAKING! GET ME MY CROWN FROM THAT DWARF!" Thranduil howled, standing two feet away from Fili and the munching pony. Fili looked at Mindy and shrugged.

"MY CROWN! NOOOOOOOOO! HE'S GETTING AWAY! STOP HIM! THIEF! SOLDIERS! GO GET MY CROWN!" Thranduil screamed as Fili and Mindy slowly began walking away.

* * *

**Voila. How was it? Leave a review if you've got the time telling me what you liked (or didn't like, for the matter). Also send a rule over here if you want to!**

**Congrats to _BillthePony _for being my 300th reviewer! You've got a whole blank chapter waiting for you so send 7 or so rules on over here! Thanks for being number 300!**

**So when I do reach 200 rules, should I go on to 300 rules, or start a sequel? The sequel could be called _200 Things I am Not Allowed To Do in Erebor _or something like that. Help me come up with a title!  
**

**Shoutout to my lovely BETA client (is that what you call someone you BETA for?) _steelgray _for putting me in chapter 65 of her story _The Trouble With Courting. _Love ya, Brenda! **

**Thanks to everyone who left a suggestion for a story I should read! I like hearing about cool stories from other FanFictioners! **

**Hmmm, questions of the day...Let's see...Oh I know. What's your MBTI? Most people probably haven't taken the test but if you have, what are you? I'm INFJ. (I may seem alot bubblier in my author's notes, but I'm really not this eccentric in real life, I promise!) INFJs are cool though.**

**Well, I'd better go! Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 is calling to me. **

**See you in February!**

**Ta,**

**Olive**


	24. 151-155

**Hey guys, Olive here with another new chapter! My biggest apologies for the delay in updating, I've been practically drowning in schoolwork this month! But I promised myself that today would be the day I updating and here I am! _BillthePony _was my lovely 150th reviewer so here's a chapter of their rules!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_151\. The ponies look nothing like the Company members. Therefore, I am not allowed to dress them up as the Company members._

"No, I think the braids on Nori should be more pointy. Add more white stuff to Balin, he doesn't look that young. Gloin and Bombur's mane are redder. And for goodness sake my braids are not that messy." Fili, ever the perfectionist said.

"Okay okay," Kili grumbled, making the changes. "Anything else?"

"Hmmmmm…" Fili cocked his head to the side. "If you just straighten out the-"

"You weren't supposed to take that seriously!"

"Whatever. Let's go."

"Company of Thorin Oakenshield," Fili sang as he and Kili strutted in. "Meet the Company of Neighin Oatsnshield!"

"Oats n' shield?" Thorin scowled, crossing his arms.

The company scowled as they looked at the ponies.

"Let me introduce, Orhay, Dorhay, and Norhay!" Fili began, indicating the animals. There was one with its coppery mane braided into starfish braids. The silvery gray one had a teapot hooked to its saddle. The smaller gingery pony had yarn legwarmers and a journal.

"Here we have Balein and Dwaelin," Kili continued. The old white pony had a thick, long snowy mane. The other had its mousy brown mane cut short, tattoos drawn on its torso in what looked to be marker.

"Bifhoof, Bohoof, and Bombuck." The brown horse had a hat resting atop its pigtails. The salt-and-pepper maned one had an axe. The one with the red mane was munching on some muffins.

"Oats and Gloats." The fiery maned one had axes strapped to the bridle. The gray one was sprouting an ear trumpet.

"Fili and Kili!" The yellow one had knives, swords, and axes strapped along its saddle and bridle. The dark brown one had a bow and a sign saying 'Mr Sexy Pony'.

"And Neighin Oatsnshield!" A grumpy pony with gray streaks in it's mane seemed to be scowling at the yellow and brown ponies.

* * *

_152\. I am not allowed to tie sticks to the ponies heads and call them Santa's Reindeer._

"You know," Thorin said to Dwalin. "My day has actually been pretty normal-"

The king was cut off by screams coming from the distant. He and Dwalin both craned their necks to see the source of the commotion, immediately regretting it. For there, flying down the quaint cobblestone street of Bree was a sleigh led by thirteen ponies with sticks tied to their heads. In the sleigh sat Balin in his Santa Claus getup. Hanging on the back of the sleigh, having the time of their life, was Fili and Kili.

"Santa's comin' early this year!" Fili screamed as they whizzed past.

Dwalin turned to Thorin, eyebrow raised. "Ye were sayin'? About that 'normal day'?"

* * *

_153\. I am not allowed to use the internet. _

"What's this?" Fili frowned as he stared at the iPhone with the pink flowery case in front of him.

"I don't know. Is it safe?" Kili was nervous.

"Don't know." Fili poked the button on it and jumped back as the device turned on.

"What did you do?" Kili hissed, immediately throwing himself behind his brother.

"Such manliness," his brother scoffed, seeing him cower. "I think this contraption of the future that I found in Olive's bag is turning on perhaps?"

"Maybe." Kili peeked over his shoulder.

"'Slide to unlock'," Fili read as the message popped up on the screen. After a couple tries the brothers managed to unlock the phone.

"AAH!" Kili jumped about ten feet in the air. "YOU'VE JUST TRIGGERED THE END!"

"Dramatic much?" The eldest Durin brother sniggered. "Calm down. Olive uses this thing all the time, it can't be _that_ dangerous."

"Press the white square with the blue and red circle," Kili managed to point at an app. Fili shrugged and obeyed. A new tab opened in Safari and the search bar lit up.

"Press it," Kili whispered, still quivering.

"Whoa!" Fili looked on in amazement as the keyboard popped up. "Hey, aren't those the letter things in the language Olive writes in?"

"Yeah," Kili mused. Then his eyes lit up. "Look!" He rummaged around in the pocket of his coat before triumphantly pulling out an old piece of very wrinkled paper and unfolded it.

"Olive wrote our names on this piece of paper." Kili handed the page to his brother who took it and started matching up the letters with the ones on the little keyboard. Satisfied, he pressed the blue 'go' button.

"Whoa!" The brothers breathed.

"Hey look!" Kili pressed the 'images' section. They gasped.

"Those are us!" Fili gaped at the pictures of them. "What-how-"

"Hey, that's us at Bag End!"

"And us on our ponies!"

"And us fighting the trolls!"

"And us losing the ponies!"

Three hours later Olive walked into the little cafe to find the Durin brothers holding the little screen.

"And us totally shirtless!"

"I don't really remember that happening. And you don't have that many muscles, Kili. Oh well. And us fighting those stupid wargs!"

"Are you two on Google Images looking up pictures of yourselves?" Olive raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms.

"If this strange magical thing with the strangely accurate drawings of us is called 'Google Images', then yes," Fili said, never taking his eyes off the phone.

"And how long have you been at this?" The eyebrow rose higher.

"Two to four hours I suppose," Kili said, swiping through another picture.

"Wow, I'm glad I didn't introduce you to FanFiction," Olive mumbled under her breath.

The brothers slowly looked up. "What is this 'FanFiction' you speak of?"

* * *

_154\. There is no such thing as cheese and pickle cookies. Bombur will not make these cookies for me._

"Yo Bombur," Kili called out as he swaggered into the kitchen, Fili not far behind him. "Got any cheese?"

Fili frowned. "I thought we came here for pickles?"

"No, we came for cheese," Kili scoffed. "Get it right."

"Well I want pickles."

"Well too bad, we are getting cheese."

"But _I _want pickles."

"And _I _want cheese.

By that time Bombur was completely ignoring them and went back to his cooking. Fili finally noticed.

"What're you making Bombur?" He grinned. "Something with pickles in it, I hope."

"Nah, more like something containing cheese."

"Neither," Bombur said to their disappointment. "I'm making cookies.

"Can you add pickles?" Fili asked at the exact same time Kili requested cheese. The duo glared at one another.

"No." The Durins scowled at the cook.

"What if you made cheese and pickle cookies?" Fili suggested. Kili's eyes lit up.

"Hey that's a great idea! They sound really good!"

"Yeah! Then maybe we can sell them to people!"

"Oh yeah, like the 'girl scouts' Olive told us about!"

"Let's form a group to sell cookies for us!"

"Let's go!"

"Bombur, we'll need those cookies in two hours please!" And without a second thought, the brothers bounded away leaving a very bemused Bombur behind.

"Bomby!" Fili called as he and Kili strolled into the kitchen two hours later, ten little hobbit girls following behind them. "Have you got the cheese and pickle cookies?"

"No." Fili and Kili scowled.

"But we need them now!"

"I made _regular _cookies, ones that _everybody _will enjoy!"

"Well I think _everybody _would enjoy cheese and pickle cookies!"

"Wait a second," Bombur frowned. "What's with the little hobbits?"

"They're Fili and Kili Scouts, here to sell those cookies!"

"I'm not making cheese and pickle cookies!"

"Please?"

"No!"

"Pleeassee?"

"No!"

"Pleeeeaassseeee?!"

"Fine."

"Really?"

"No!"

"Dammit!"

* * *

_155\. Thranduil is not Lucius Malfoy. So that means Legolas is not Draco Malfoy._

"Draco! Draco, is that you?" Fili called as he and Kili hurried over to Legolas.

"Excuse me?" Legolas frowned. "You must be mistaken, I'm not-"

"You're Draco Malfoy, dah," Kili rolled his eyes.

"It's us! Ron and Harry!" Fili indicated himself and his brother.

"Ron's temporarily dyed his hair," Kili whispered to the confused elf. Then turning to his brother he whispered: "That's probably why he didn't know who we are!"

"Oh yeah!" Fili rolled his eyes, facepalming. "And Harry, where's your glasses?"

"Oh yeah!" Kili eagerly stuck a round pair of glasses on the bridge of his nose.

"Harry? Ron? What are you talking about?" Legolas yelled, losing his patience.

"Oh, Draco! You've always been slow in the brain," Fili tsk tsked.

"Legolas! What are you doing with these filthy dwarves? Look at them! Get away from them now," Thranduil bellowed, long hair sweeping.

"Definitely Lucius," Kili mumbled.

* * *

**Short author's notes today, I know. I'm supposed to be having dinner right now so I'm hurrying!**

**Thanks so much to all of my lovely reviewers! I cannot believe I made it to 330 (or is it 331?) reviews! I love you all1**

**Leave a review if you have the time, telling me what you liked, if you have a rule, of just a random comment! You could leave a review saying 'CAKE RULES' and I'll understand! (I'm fluent in crazy language)**

**I think I'll stick with the question I said last time. 'What's your MBTI?' I'm an INFJ! Tell me, who are you?**

**I'll see you guys in March! **

**Love y'all!**

**Ta,**

**Olive**


	25. 156-160

**Hey guys, Olive here! (like I promised) Here for you tonight I have a lovely new chapter of Fili and Kili Nonsense! whoo hooo! *confetti* I didn't write any rules you guys gave me tonight because...IT'S BEEN 1 YEAR (precisely) THAT I PUBLISHED THIS STORY! So I only thought it'd be right if I wrote all the rules. Hope you understand? Yes? Okay, good! **

**Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

_156\. I am not allowed to discuss the point of muffins with Bombur._

"Mmmmm, muffins," Bombur sighed as he stared at the big, fat, crumbly, warm, chewy, buttery muffin resting in his palms. Raising his hands to his mouth, he closed his eyes and ate the muffin with love.

"I know, aren't they amazing?" A dreamy voice interrupted him.

"GAAAH!" Bombur spat the muffin at Fili who ducked just in time. Kili, having just entered the room, did not.

"Eeew, Bombur!" Kili scowled, wiping his face and shoulders clean. Fili snickered, setting his sword down.

"What do you two want?" Bombur frowned. "Because if there isn't a point then I'd like to continue with my muffin eating, thank you very much."

"Muffins," Fili said in a rapt voice. "What are the point of muffins?"

"Excuse me?" Bombur, having started another muffin, spat it out again. Again, Fili ducked. Again, Kili was too late.

"Eeweweweweweweweewwwwww!" Kili cried in an childlike voice, dancing on his tiptoes in place, shaking his hands out. "Yuckyuckyuckyuckyucky!"

Fili, apparently not having heard his brother, continued. "Come to think of it all, what is the point of food all together? And the room we're standing in?"

"Say what now?" Bombur frowned.

"Or what about cleanliness?" Kili, having recovered, piped up. "Or swords?"

"Yes," Fili nodded intently. "What is the point of gold? Or of long lost homes? What's the point of wizards?"

"Of dwarves?"

"What's the point of Uncle's long lasting feud with the elves?"

"Or me and Fili's attempts to get into as much trouble as possible?"

"What's the point of air? Of water? Of life?"

"WHAT'S THE POINT OF UNICORNS?" Both Fili and Bombur turned to stare at Kili.

"What's the point of Middle Earth? Of our lives?" Fili said sagely. "So to boil it back down, what are the point of muffins?"

"I don't know, they're good!" Bombur hollered, losing all patience. "Now if you'd kindly get out of my kitchen, I have stuff to do!"

"Sheesh," Fili mumbled. "No need to get touchy. Mahal." He grabbed Kili by the arm, dragging him away and to the door.

"Oi, you forgot your sword!" Bombur called to Fili. "Come get it!"

The prince spun on his heels to glare at the chef. "We _ex-cuse _me! I was just innocently following orders YOU gave me! But I guess you changed your mind so _fine, _I'll come get my sword." He stalked over to the bemused dwarf, snatched his weapon and sashayed out the door, Kili close on his heels.

"And he says I'm touchy," Bombur mumbled, picking up a muffin.

A ball made of feathers and glue flew through the door and hit Bombur on his forehead, knocking him out. Fili and Kili stuck their heads into the room.

"Hmm, you know what? That didn't go as bad as I assumed." Fili said. "What was that thing that you threw anyway?"

"Glue and feathers," Kili said proudly. "Wrapped around a rock," he added sheepishly.

Fili stared at him, shaking his head. The two of them robbed Bombur of his muffins and ran out the door.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you don't ask about the logic of muffins.

* * *

_157\. I am not allowed to volunteer the Company for my version of the Hunger Games. Apparently 'fight to the death' isn't in the contract. (We really need to rewrite that thing)_

"Happy Fili And Kili Games!" Kili shouted. "The event of the year! The one everyone talks about! And the crowd goes wild!" He paused, waiting. "Olive, Esme" he hissed.

"Hmmm?" The girls asked, looking up from where they were giggling over shirtless pictures of handsome men on Olive's phone.

"_I said, _and the crowd goes wild!"

"Oh, oh yeah! Our cue!" Olive set her phone down before flinging her arms above her head. Esme mimicked the gesture."Whoooooo!

"Yeah!"

"Go!"

"Fili And Kili Games!"

"Cool!"

"Whoo!"

"Okay, okay," Kili sighed. "Go back to your business." And just like that, "the crowd" plopped back down and continued their dreamy sighing.

"Here we have the names of the tributes for the Fili And Kili Games!" Fili beamed, holding up a fishbowl with small slips of paper in it.

The Company stood, unimpressed.

"From District 1, Balin and Dwalin." The two stepped up, major eye rolling involved.

"District 2," Dori and Ori."

"District 6, Oin and Gloin."

"District 89, Nori and Bofur."

"District 294, Bifur and Bombur."

District #majesty, Thorin Oakenshield."

"And that is all of our tributes for this year!" Fili beamed.

Ori, having read the Hunger Games from Olive, frowned. "Aren't there supposed to be 12 Districts? And two people for each District?"

"Hush hush," Kili shushed him. "The Kili And Fili Games are somewhat...different. You've all been randomly selected from our fishbowl to participate-"

"But there were only ten slips of paper anyway," Balin said. "We would've been chosen anyway."

Kili shot him the stinkeye.

"Okay, we're gonna leave now. May the best win! Now go kill each other! The Cornucopia is that way." Cue pointing. "Okay, bye bye now!" An eagle came to pick them up and the Durin boys flew away.

The Company stood awkwardly around, shuffling their feet, coughing politely. The silence was broken quickly by Fili shouting on his megaphone. "I SAID IT'S TIME TO GO KILL EACH OTHER! LOOK, CORNUCOPIA! WEAPONS! DEATH TRAP! Whoops, wasn't supposed to say that. DEATH! GO! YOU! NOW!"

The Company grumbled before walking to the "Cornucopia." (Oin's ear trumpet) They looked over the "weapons", unimpressed.

"A stick?" Bofur held up said object. "What're we supposed to do with 'at?"

"Poke each other's eyes out!" Kili hinted, having stolen his brother's megaphone away. It was confiscated from him by a scowling Fili who turned his back to him. But not before smacking the back of his head with his hand.

"Pebbles?" Gloin asked skeptically, indicating the small bag of rocks. Thorin took the pouch and picked out a rock from the contents. Dully, he flicked the stone at Dwalin.

"GOOD, GOOD! GO THORIN! TEN POINTS TO DISTRICT #MAJESTY!" Fili called from the air.

"But you aren't supposed to give points in the Hunger Games!" Ori shouted. "I've told you-"

"KILL ORI FIRST!" Kili shouted, having stolen the megaphone again.

"FIGHT TO THE DEATH!" Fili cried, snatching the megaphone back. "NOW."

The Company hastily gathered the "weapons" up and began to use them on each other. Oin blew some dirt into Nori's eyes. Dori ran after Balin with a boot. Thorin and Dwalin flicked rocks at one another. Gloin stole Bombur's muffins. Bifur waved his stick.

"OH YEAH, THAT'S THE KIND OF FIGHTING I'M TALKING ABOUT! THE CROWD IS JUST LOVING IT!" Fili dramatically pointed to the neighboring eagle where the two girls rested.

"Totally loving it," Esme said monotonously.

"Totally," Olive echoed. "Ooh, Esme click on the one with the abs!"

"Roger that!"

"SUCH ADORING FANS! NOW BACK TO THE GAMES! LET'S SEE HOW DORI AND ORI ARE DOING!" By that time the "tributes" had split up into the Districts and were all over the place.

"Um, so do you wanna go left or right?" Ori asked.

"Er, right. It's, um, safer?"

"AND NOW LET'S CHECK IN WITH DWALIN AND BALIN!"

"I told you we should've grabbed the pebbles!" Balin scolded.

Dwalin scowled. "Well I'm sorry that District #majesty has power and authority over me!" He huffed. "He's still our king."

"AM I SENSING SOME BETRAYAL IN DISTRICT 1? WE'LL CHECK IN WITH THEM LATER! NOW, TO OIN AND GLOIN!"

Oin had picked up the Cornucopia and walked away, adjusting it in his ear.

"NOW IT'S TIME FOR Y'ALL TO FORM ALLIANCES AND CONTINUE TO KILL EACH OTHER!"

"Yeah yeah," Nori waved his hand. "Where's that buffet you promised us?"

"Hehe, about that…" Fili tugged nervously at his collar. "Erm…."

"You don't have the buffet?!" The Company was in hysterics. With that, they turned on their heels and left the "Arena."

"Hehe. THERE YOU HAVE IT FOLKS, OUR FIRST (somewhat) SUCCESSFUL FILI AND KILI GAMES! THANKS FOR COMING DOWN, SEE YOU NEXT YEAR! HAPPY FILI AND KILI GAMES!" Fili puffed into his megaphone.

"Yeah, Happy Fili Kili Games," Esme mumbled absent-mindedly. "_Oh, Olive! _Click on _that _one!"

"Whowee! Look at those abs!" Cue delighted sighing.

* * *

_158\. I am not allowed to have a secret meeting to discuss flavors of Baby Lips._

"Did you bring the stuff?" Fili asked anxiously as his brother crawled into their Super Secret Clubhouse.

Kili nodded. "Did you?" His brother replied with a nod.

They both emptied their pockets, colorful tubes raining to the flower in a shower.

Fili eagerly picked one up. "Ooh, Cherry Me! This flavor is _amazing!_" He smelled the red and orange tube, sighing.

"I've always favored Pink Quartz," Kili argued, waving the sparkly tube of lip balm in his brother's face.

"Ooh, but there's always Crystal Kiss!"

"Oh! And Berry Bomb!"

"How could I forget Grape Vine!?"

"And Beam of Blush is simply devine!"

"It sure is!"

*sigh* "I'm sure glad that we found this clubhouse to discuss Baby Lips in!"

"True dat, Fili! Thorin would probably disown us if he ever found out!"

"Hehe, yeah…"

"Fili, Kili!" Thorin poked his head into their 'clubhouse'. "You're beneath the dinner table with a blanket over it, we've heard everything you've said! Come out of there!"

"I told you that under the stairs would've been a better Super Secret Clubhouse," Kili hissed to Fili as they crawled out from under table.

"Well sorr-eeey!"

* * *

_159\. I am not allowed to try and take a High School Musical photo on Olive's phone._

"Okay guys, ready?" Fili and Kili beamed as they looked around at Nori, Bofur, Ori, and Gloin. "Who's ready to High-School-Musical-Jump?!"

"Not us," they chorused.

"I'll take that as a yes!" Fili held up two thumbs up. "Cameraman, ready?"

Bilbo grunted, but nodded.

"Okay, let's get this photoshoot rolling!"

PHOTO 1:

"Guys! Only Kili and I jumped!"

"Yeah, we need all six of us in the air!"

"Let's retry that, shall we?"

PHOTO 2:

"This is ridiculous."

"Aw come on, Nori!"

"May I be excused now?"

"Thank you for being polite Ori."

"Is that a yes?!"

"No."

PHOTO 3:

"THANK YOU Gloin! You actually jumped this time!"

"Too bad you fell over when the photo was taken."

"Hah! Look at your face!"

"Can it, Nori."

PHOTO 4:

"Ori?"

"Yes Fili?"

"Why do you look like you're constipated?"

"...no reason."

"RETAKE!"

PHOTO 5:

"Okay, now we have four people up in the air on this one!"

"We've made progress!"

"Bofur, Nori! Step up your game! We'll get this right!"

PHOTO 11:

*puff puff* "I'm tired from all this jumping. Can we take a break?"

"But Bofur, you haven't even been jumping!"

"Can it, Kili! I've been trying….with my soul. My soul is leaping with all its mite, but my legs can't do the work!"

"Er, okay. RETAKE!"

PHOTO 26:

"...Gloin?"

*grunt* "Yes Fili?"

"What's with the middle finger?"

"Eh….nuthing?"

PHOTO 38:

""FIVE PEOPLE, WE HAVE FIVE PEOPLE DOING THE HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL JUMP IN A PHOTO! THAT'S HUGE PROGRESS!"

"Does that mean we can leave now?!"

"You could've…"

"YAY!"

"...If Nori had jumped."

"...Goddammit, Nori!"

PHOTO 73:

"Why is Gollum photobombing?"

*gulp* "D-Did you say Gollum?"

"Yes, why Bilbo-"

"PRECIOUS! FILTHY HOBBITSES HAS STOLEN ITS FROM US! THIEEEFFFF!"

"AAAAAH!" Cue Bilbo running away from a hobbling Gollum.

"No come back!" Tsk tsk. "Too bad, Gollum does a High School Musical Jump better than us all!"

* * *

_160\. I am not allowed to celebrate 'Our Anniversary'. (But Uncle! It was all Olive's idea!)_

"Happy anniversary! Happy anniversary!" Fili and Kili bounded into the room, throwing streamers and confetti and balloons.

"What's all this?" Thorin frowned.

"It's our anniversary, Uncle!"

"What? Anniversary for what?"

Fili frowned. "I don't know." He pulled a long list from his pocket. "All I know is that we're supposed to thank _1Corinthians 1313, 02FireRains, ACreativeHobbit, ARandomTimeTraveller, Alicia457, AmberKendsLacey, AmethystRose, Angel Of Change, Annenomous, Ardens Lumen, AryaNimera, Aspie, Animefiend176, AnnaBanana90, BethShadows, Black Fire Cat 23, BrazilianLOTRFan, Chazzez, CrystalRed, Chantel92, Cupcake155, Cmpteraddict, Dark Hunters Don't Run, DarylDixon'sgirl1985, Disgaea princess, Domeenika, Doresz9, Dovahmiin, Dragon MoonX, Dreamer4life16, Dwarven Lass, Eleri93, Elvenprincess3019, Ensignily, Evangeline Pond, Ezezaguna, Evakarina, FabbyKat, FairyoftheLake, , FandomsGoneWild, Fanficfan4eva, Fantasy Fish, Fear No Darkness, FirstLovexx, Flutalia, Gillbo333, GingerCentaur716, Goesto11, Gywn Ap Nudd, HGFan1501, HuntressofHope, Havenathia, IceSnowQueen, I-Am-An-Evil-Overlord, Itachi is KICKASS, Itachisgirl88, IvyLestrange, JennaGreenleaf, Joanie McClure, JohnGilbertVampirehunter, Kampe, Kechiko, KebaKira, Kikira-Lynn, KiyaJinnSkywalkerKenobie, LarsNKaie, Lead Owl, Left-To-Face-Oblivion, LightsCDark, Logan'slover, LavenderCrystalOfRoses, Lily Lindsey-Aubrey, Lily Rae, LilyRosetheDreamer, Luaithreach, Luthien Teantin, Marg1780, Megane-kouhai, MerlinOfTheShire, Merpip, Mira Meliandra, My Creative Writings, MidlightDream, Mikari Satsuke, Mikol, Nachtschwalbe, Nimrodel626, NeonNinja, NinjaPanda34, Nixie the Bloody Pixie, , PoisonBones, PotterheadWhovian, Princess Aquilia, Princess Shania, PopsShows23, Purrskitty6, Pucaroo, QuillaWynter, RedRobinDetective, RhainaColleen, Rin-s666, RascalKat, Robyn Flynn, Rousdower, Runicpower of Azeroth, Russet Burbanks, RyuuGirl1249, Saphirabrightscale, Savarra, ScarletteSorceress, Seagem542, Shadow of the night1, Shadowsammy, Shipping-til-it's-Cannon, SomeLoafOfBread, Soniccouples10, Stormglass, Scarlet Pimpernel00, Syblime, Tacosaurus, TheDevilsDaughter267, TheHaloFreak, TheHardcoreHobbit, TheRoadgoeseverOnAndOn, Thenightsdeath, Thilbo4ever, Thirza, TraffyWolf10, Unexpected-Adventures, Wishiwasadwarf, Wravern, XXRawwrXX, XxXSmiles101XxX, Yueri-chan, ahsokazami2001, aliena wyvern, blue candlelight13, cococamper, crimson-ash-1, dracochan1, fardreamer333, firefoxxe, gingerrogers12345, ilovereading321, imadethistofollowandreview, insane is normal, jaejoong1, jaymzNshed, jepenner, jesslyoko324, kitkatherinefromD3, katzy8, lastwinter42, ladymay03, leggomygreggo2, lordofarabia, majesticmegan, marylopez0812, maximum ride fang1995, ncalkins, natyob, nienna14, petraRosemberk, raindropkittyfreer, sagasaka, silver7612, sleepinglionzz32, sjmcaliece, starrobin88, steelgrey, sophiejederman, the BugSlayer, thequeenofthefandoms, wafflebunny804, wrmauney_, and _ .xx _for favoriting and following this story," Fili read off his very long cue card.

"And we're also supposed to thank all of the people who have ever read or reviewed this story too," Kili added after his dug his cue card out of his pocket. "Whatever that means."

"What the hell?" Thorin asked.

"Olive told us to say all of that," Fili explained.

"What story? Reviewer? Favorite?"

"Beats me," his nephews replied before the three Durins split their separate ways, completely oblivious to all the readers out there.

* * *

**So yeah, it's a pretty big day today! I even ate some leftover gelato while writing this to celebrate one whole year of Fili and Kili Nonsense Day! Crazy, huh? So a huge thank you to everyone who has managed to tolerate my complete weirdness! I'm serious, I would've added the names of every single person who's reviewed this story too, but my mom's yelling at me to go to bed now. Plus it took me over half an hour to type all the other names. But I promise you, I totally would've put everyone's name if I could've! Go ahead, send me a PM about how disappointed you are in me! Take my laptop away! Take my piano away! (Just kidding, I love my piano too much) But if you're feeling sour, I can definitely send you a PM! Just request it! Your wish is my command! **

**Have a totally tremendous, terrific, (can't think of any other 't' words) twirly, t-mazing (don't ask, I don't know either) night!**

**Ta,**

**Olive**

**P.S. THANKS FOR STICKING WITH MEEEEEEEEEEE!**

**Okay, gotta go to bed now.**


	26. The last rule EVER, rule 161

**Hey guys, Olive here! I know, I know, I've been practically MIA for five months, and I apologize for that. But I have been pretty busy, and as all FanFiction writers know: real life comes before FanFiction. (Even though it should totally be the other way around!) But I've had a pretty good summer! I was in a production of _Fiddler on the Roof _which was an amazing experience! And tomorrow at 6 AM I leave for camp for two weeks!**

**I felt really bad about just leaving this story, so instead I ended it! This was the actual ending, actually, I'm just publishing it earlier than planned. (There's also a guest appearance from some cool characters...) **

**So I am very sad to say it, but here is the last chapter of this story! (I also changed to title to 161 Things, if you didn't notice)**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed, and here we go!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_161\. I am not allowed to steal Gandalf's staff and use a spell to transport myself to the future_

Fili sighed.

Kili saw this and sighed too.

Fili sighed deeper.

Kili mimicked his brother but only succeeded in gagging on air. Which probably isn't even possible.

Fili sighed even deeper and dramatically flopped over.

"What's the matter?" Kili asked, massaging his throat and making a face.

"I'm bored," Fili moaned putting a hand to his forehead as if he were fainting. "We've been grounded by Thorin; Olive went back to the future; there's no more cronuts left, and I'm so bored!"

Kili knit his eyebrows. "Oh. Is that all?" His brother sent him a glare before getting up slowly and dragging himself out of the room, emitting sad sighs as he went. Kili merely shrugged before sneakily pulling the last cronut out of his pocket and slowly licking the glaze off.

As Fili exited the Prancing Pony, he plopped himself down on the curb of the street and began entertaining himself by playing rock paper scissors with himself. He won every time. Surprise surprise.

His game was cut short when he heard yelling in the distance. He looked up to see Gollum running/squatting down the street screaming: "THE PRECIOUS" as he held a golden ring in his gnarly fingers.

Bilbo was trailing behind him, his short hobbit legs carrying him as fast as they could. "No come back!" He screamed. "Wait!"

Following him was the rest of the company, weapons brandished. "We charge into battle behind our burglar!" Thorin shouted. The rest of them roared in approval.

And lastly, was Gandalf. He held his long grey robes up to his knees. "Fools! Come back! There is no battle!" He stopped right in front of Fili, panting. "Hold this," he instructed the blonde dwarf as he shoved his staff into his hands. "And don't do anything stupid with it until I get back!" The wizard yelled over his shoulder as he pursued the pack.

"Hmmm….." Fili inspected the staff. "I wonder what qualifies as stupid…" He began to formulate an idea but was quickly interrupted.

"WAHOO" His brother screamed as he skipped down the street, cronut held in front of him like a beacon of light. He stopped short, frowning. "Oh, did I miss the parade the Company was in?" Fili absent-mindedly nodded. "Darn it."

"Brother," Fili said slyly, "do you want to go somewhere?"

"Yes!" Kili jumped up and down. "Where?"

"Hmmm…..How does the future sound?"

* * *

"Alright," Fili pulled a rumpled piece of paper out of his pocket. "I have the time-travel spell!"

"Where'd you get it?" Kili frowned, still holding his baked good.

"I bought it from some weird girl with colorful hair on the street. She said that all we need to activate the spell is some source of magic! And Gandalf's staff happened to find itself in my possession so..."

"Didn't uncle tell us we aren't allowed to talk to weird girls on the street anymore?"

"She claimed to be a daughter of Hecate who's on a quest. She happened to have a spell so she gave it to me, enough said. She was also with some blonde boy, a pale black haired kid, and a brown haired kid. I don't really know who they were, but the title 'Daughter of Hecate' sounds legit, right?"

"I guess so."

Fili rolled up his sleeves. "Here we go!" He closed his eyes, took Kili's hand and held the staff in his other hand and began reciting the spell.

_Yummy french fries-_

Kili giggled.

Fili popped one eye open and glared at his brother who cleared his throat and mumbled a quick apology.

_Yummy french fries, Aidan and Dean-_

"Who're Aidan and Dean?" Kili piped up.

Fili sighed and opened his eyes again. "Kili, if you keep interrupting then we'll never go to the future! As for your question, they must be very important people."

Kili nodded.

_Yummy french fries, Aidan and Dean,_

_Take us back to 2015_

With that, Fili slammed the staff down and they were engulfed in light pink and blue smoke.

"We're being eaten by cotton candy!" Kili squealed as he pawed at the air. "Bad cotton candy! Bad!"

When the air cleared, they were standing in a small room.

"Where are we?" Fili asked. They heard a gasp behind them and turned to see Olive sitting in a blue office chair at her laptop, mouth agape.

"Olive!" Kili cheered.

"OMG! You guys are actually here!" Olive squealed." But how?"

Fili held up Gandalf's staff.

"Of course. I shouldn't have even asked…" Olive waved her hand. "But I can't believe it! Ooh! I have to introduce you to _BrazilianLOTRFan_! Oh, and _steelgray_! And _Alicia457_! And _Ensignily_! And_ Dwarven Lass_…..!" Olive rambled on and on.

"That sounds like an adventure!" Kili beamed.

"I like it, let's go!" Fili cheered.

As they walked out of Olive's room, Kili stopped. "Olive, is this a picture of us on your wall?"

"...Ummmm….."

_Meanwhile…..._

"Lou?" Will asked, stopping suddenly on the path. Nico stopped as well.

"What?"

"You do realize Chiron only let you take one teleportation spell?"

"...Oh gods….."

"Way to go, Lou. You just _had _go all fangirl mode and give those dwarves our one ticket home!"

"Shut it, Cecil."

* * *

**There you have it, guys! **

**Props to anyone who knew who the guest characters were! (Hint hint: Blood Of Olympus!) Leave a review if you know who they areeeeeeee!**

_**Dwarven Lass:**_** I am so sorry your rules were never published! But I do hope you liked your featurette! **

**I'm really sad to see this story end, it was such a great experience for me to write this story and I had so much fun doing it! Meeting all of you guys via this story was so fun, you're all so amazing! **

**Leave a review or favorite if you have the time! And feel free to PM me anytime!**

**Thanks to everyone who was on this journey with me!**

**Toodeloo! **


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